It's Showtime!

55 Spooky Beetlejuice Quotes To Soothe Your Undead Soul

“Go ahead — make my millennium.”

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Michael Keaton stars a 'Beetlejuice' in the classic scary movie.
Warner Bros.

What do you get when you combine Tim Burton and a house full of ghosts and the undead? Only one of the most recognizable films and cinematic characters of the last 40 years, that’s what. The storied director’s 1988 comedy about a recently-deceased couple’s adventures haunting the new occupants of their home and the sleazy “bio-exorcist” they hire to help them cemented Burton’s career. He went on to direct other equally popular, spooky, and hilarious films, including Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Mars Attacks!, Sweeney Todd, and Frankenweenie.

Michael Keaton’s portrayal of Beetlejuice is memorable, but he was also joined by a superb cast that includes Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis, Catherine O’Hara (hello, Moira Rose!), and Winona Ryder. The plot is hilarious, the quotes and sayings are otherworldly, and the film is a must-watch. So, if you’re looking for your next Instagram caption or just want to go down the Beetlejuice memory lane, we’ve rounded up the most ridiculous and unforgettable lines from this iconic movie.

1. “It’s showtime.” – Beetlejuice

2. “We come for your daughter, Chuck.” – Beetlejuice

3. “My whole life is a dark room. One big, dark room.” – Lydia Deetz

4. Barbara Maitland: “We’re very unhappy.”

Juno: “What did you expect? You’re dead.”

5. “Let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.” – Beetlejuice

6. “If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have had my little ‘accident.'” – Receptionist

7. “Whew! Thank you, thank you! That is why I won’t do two shows a night anymore, babe, I won’t, I won’t do ’em.” – Beetlejuice

8. “Welcome to Winter River, museum of natural greed; a monument to the bored businessman! Come on a little closer! Step right up! Test your strength!” – Beetlejuice

9. “I’ll eat anything you want me to eat, I’ll swallow anything you want me to swallow! So, come on down, and I’ll chew on a dog!” – Beetlejuice

10. “I myself am strange and unusual.” – Lydia

11. Adam Maitland: “What are your qualifications?”

Beetlejuice: “Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard. I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen The Exorcist 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it. Not to mention the fact that you’re talking to a dead guy! Now, what do you think!? You think I’m qualified?”

12. Barbara: “No. Lydia. We’re dead.”

Lydia: “I wanna be dead too.”

13. “Barb, honey… we’re dead. I don’t think we have very much to worry about anymore.” – Adam

14. (After kicking down a model tree) “Nice f*cking model!” – Beetlejuice

15. “The only one I think I can deal with is Edgar Allan Poe’s daughter. I think she understands me.” – Beetlejuice

16. “A little gasoline, blowtorch, no problem.” – Delia Deetz

17. “Go ahead, make my millennium.” – Beetlejuice

18. Charles Deetz: “As soon as we get settled, we’ll build you a darkroom in the basement, OK?”

Lydia: “My whole life is a dark room. One big, dark room.”

Delia: “So you were miserable in New York City, and now you’re going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone’s life hasn’t been upheaved.”

19. Otho: “There’s absolutely no organic flow through.”

Delia: “I noticed that too; it’s like a giant… ant farm.”

20. “This is my art, and it is dangerous. You think I want to die like this!” – Delia

21. “I’m the ghost with the most, babe.” – Beetlejuice

22. “I’m tellin’ ya, honey, she meant nothin’ to me. Nothin’ at all!” – Beetlejuice

23. “There’s a word for people in our situation: ghosts.” – Adam

24. “Don’t mind her. She’s still upset because somebody dropped a house on her sister.” – Otho

25. “These aren’t my rules. Come to think of it, I don’t have any rules.” – Beetlejuice

26. “Never trust the living!” – Juno

27. “I’ve read through that Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It says: ‘Live people ignore the strange and unusual.’” – Lydia

28. “Please, they’re dead. It’s a little late to be neurotic.” – Delia

29. “What’s the good of being a ghost if you can’t frighten people away?” – Barbara

30. “You have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they’re dead or alive, will walk all over you.” – Delia

31. “I am alone. I am *utterly* alone.” – Lydia

32. “Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can’t.” – Lydia

33. “I didn’t realize you were into the supernatural.” – Bernard

34. “Not so fast, round boy. We’re gonna have some laughs.” – Beetlejuice

35. “If you don’t let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane, and I will take you with me!” – Delia

36. “And look at that kitchen. You’re finally going to be able to cook a decent meal.” – Charles

37. Lydia: “Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?”

Adam: “We’re ghosts!”

Lydia: “What do you look like under there?”

Adam: “Aren’t you scared?”

Lydia: “I’m not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?”

Adam: “Night of the what?”

Lydia: “Living Dead. It’s a movie.”

Barbara: “You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age, I would have been scared out of my wits.”

38. Messenger: “How do I look? There are no mirrors on this side.”

Adam: “Fine, you look fine.”

Messenger: “Yeah?”

Barbara: “Fine.”

Messenger: “Thanks, I’ve been feeling a little flat. (He laughs and goes through the crevice in the filing room.)”

39. Adam: “Cabin fever, hon?”

Barbara: “Well, I can’t clean anything properly. The vacuum’s out in the garage and we can’t leave the house. Why don’t they tell us something? I mean, where are all the other dead people in the world? Why is it just you and me?”

40. Delia: “Open this door, you dead people, or we’ll bust it down and we’ll drag you out by the ropes you hang yourselves with!”

Lydia: “Shh! They didn’t commit suicide.”

Delia: “It doesn’t matter. Lydia, I have a chance to teach you something here: You have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they’re dead or alive.”

41. Barbara: “Rule number two: The living usually won’t see the dead.”

Adam: “Won’t or can’t?”

Barbara: “It just says ‘won’t.’ God, this book is so stupid. I can’t understand anything in it.”

42. “I heard. Tore your faces right off. It obviously doesn’t do any good to pull your heads off in front of people if they can’t see you!” – Juno

43. “I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that’s in this food.” – Lydia

44. “Sick! Sexual perversion! If you’re going to do weird sexual stuff, you ought to stay in your bedroom, OK?” – Lydia

45. “I know just as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design.” – Otho

46. “I wish I had a better view of the cemetery from up here. I don't know which area is the best placement for us.” – Adam

47. Adam: “Maybe this is heaven.”

Barbara: “In heaven, there wouldn't be dust on the wallpaper.”

48. “Jesus! Who lived here — the Waltons?!” – Delia

49. “That was the single most unattractive window treatment I have ever seen in the entire of my existence.” – Otho

50. “Just keep me out of it. I am here to relax and clip coupons. And goddamnit, I mean to do it.” – Charles

51. Delia: “The woman who lived here had the aesthetic instincts of Betty Crocker.”

Barbara: “I'm going to get her.”

52. “Death didn't improve your sense of humor.” – Barbara

53. Adam: “... Not what I expected when we walked through that door.”

Barbara: “No. But it's somewhere without big worms.”

54. Juno: “Start simply. Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice. We only help those who help themselves. Just do a little at a time. And of course, practice, practice, practice. It's tricky but — you weren't murderers by any chance, were you?”

Barbara: “No.”

Juno: “Pity. Murderers seem to have an easy time of it. Just look at Amityville.”

55. Barbara: “God, this is so corny. Have we been reduced to this? Sheets?”

Adam: “Think of them as death shrouds. And the moaning is important. Really moan!”

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