125+ Funny Friend Jokes That Will Strengthen Your Bond

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
friend jokes
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Everyone needs a pal, a buddy, a soul sista that help you through the rough times. Where would we be without our friends cheering us on? Who would call us on our BS and how on earth would we ever know if our top looks cute? Friendships are key to many things, especially good times and bouts of laughter.

Nothing beats laughing with your best friend and dropping hilarious friend jokes. As an extended member of the family (we’ve got family jokes, too!), they’re the ones who know all of your secrets – and love you because of them. Looking for new ways to add a smile to your BFF’s face? You’re not alone. In fact, according to the latest search data available to us, ‘friend quotes’ are searched for over 27,000 times per month. So we rounded up the funniest jokes and quotes that will leave you and your friend LOLing for days.

  1. If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.
  2. Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean… But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
  3. Good friends don’t let you do stupid things …alone.
  4. Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
  5. You think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.
  6. You call me your best friend, but where were you when my selfie only had four likes?
  7. You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. But it helps.
  8. If you have friends as weird as you, then you have everything.
  9. There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.
  10. A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier


  1. Only real friends tell you when your face is dirty.
  2. Friends pick us up when we fall, and if they can’t pick us up, they lie down and listen for a while.
  3. If I have to clean my house before you come over, then we’re not real friends.
  4. We’ll be friends forever because you already know too much.
  5. We’ll be friends til we’re old and senile… Then we’ll be new friends.
  6. Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.
  7. I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness.
  8. I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
  9. Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.
  10. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
  11. You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.
  12. Friends comfort you with comforting words. Best friends comfort you with comforting words too, but with sarcasm.
  13. Friends are always with you whether they are imaginary are real.
  14. A friend is like a book: you don’t need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.
  15. True friendship: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
  16. My best friends and I played a game of hiding and seek. It went on for hours.

Well, good friends are hard to find.

  1. What is a meaning of a true friend?

One who remembers your birthday but not your age!

  1. Why can’t you be friends with a squirrel?

They drive everyone nuts.

  1. Why did the zombie ignore all his Facebook friends?

He was still digesting all of his followers on Twitter!

  1. Why did the Owl invite his friends over?

He didn’t want to be Owl by himself.

  1. My friend helped me through a really hard time.

She was my rock.

  1. My friend lives by a cliff.

He’s always telling me to drop over.

  1. Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out.

  1. We’ve been friend for five years.

Lettuce celebrate.

  1. Friendship goes

Goes onion and on.

  1. My best friend?

We’re mint to be.

  1. Breast friends


  1. Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

  1. What do you call a skeleton with no friends?


  1. “Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.” Unknown
  2. “If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.” Unknown
  3. “I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something.” Unknown
  4. “I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this.” Unknown
  5. “Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.” Unknown
  6. “A good friend will help you move. But your best friend will help you move a dead body.” Jim Hayes
  7. “You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.” Unknown.
  8. “You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang.” Unknown
  9. “Good friends discuss their sex lives. Best friends talk about poop.” Unknown
  10. “Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” Sicilian Proverb
  11. “Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.” Unknown


  1. “Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.” Charles Lamb
  2. “Me and my best friends can communication with just facial expressions.” Unknown
  3. “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’” A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  4. “I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.” Unknown
  5. “God made up best friends because he knew our mom couldn’t handle us as sisters.” Unknown
  6. “We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing homes.” Unknown
  7. “Thank you for still being my friend, despite the fact that you are completely aware of every terrifying, raunchy, explicit detail of my life.” Unknown
  8. “Friends offer free therapy.” Unknown
  9. “Good friends will mourn your death; best friends will come and clean your computer history immediately after you die.” Unknown
  10. “I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room…but not too humid because. you know…my hair.” Unknown
  11. “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” Bernard Meltzer
  12. “If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.” Unknown
  13. “Friends hide a smile and help you up when you fall. Best friends laugh so hard that they fall also.” Unknown
  14. “When I say I won’t tell anybody, my best friend doesn’t count.” Unknown
  15. “It’s hard to find a friend who’s cute, loving, generous, caring, and smart. My advice to y’all is, don’t lose me.” — Unknown
  16. “Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life.” Unknown
  17. “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” Arnold H. Glasgow
  18. “I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.” — Unknown
  19. “I hope we’re friends until we die. And then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare other people.” Unknown
  20. “Best friends know how stupid you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” Unknown
  21. “Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.” Bobby Deol
  22. “Friendship is: having weird conversations with your friend and thinking if anyone heard us, we would be put in a mental hospital.” Unknown
  23. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Oprah Winfrey
  24. “Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.” Sally Bergesen
  25. “Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.” — Unknown
  26. “Never tell your friends, ‘I told you so’ – even when you did.” Wendy Jean Smith
  27. “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
  28. “Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.” Michaela Edmond
  29. “I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments, and sheer lack of common decency that we should be best friends.” — Unknown
  30. “You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. But it helps.” Unknown
  31. “Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” Greg Tamblyn
  32. “I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.” — Unknown
  33. “Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’” Cookie Monster
  34. “This is by far your worst idea ever…I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” Unknown
  35. “The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.” Mark Twain
  36. “Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.” Margaret Walker
  37. “We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” Unknown
  38. “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” Marlene Dietrich
  39. “It’s important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to the friendship that we are not.” Mignon McLaughlin
  40. “I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.” Unknown
  41. “Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!” Bronwyn Polson
  42. “Never let your best friends get lonely… keep disturbing them.” Unknown
  43. “There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.” Sylvia Plath
  44. “True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people together.” Emilie Saint-Genis
  45. “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” Laurence J. Peter
  46. “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, Damn, that was fun.” Groucho Marx
  47. “Love is blind. Friendship closes its eyes.” Friedrich Nietzsche
  48. “A true friend stabs you in the front, not the back.” Oscar Wilde
  49. “One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.” George Carlin
  50. “The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.” Jay McInerney
  51. “If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.” Oprah Winfrey
  52. “There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.” J.K. Rowling
  53. Ann: “You made me watch all eight Harry Potter movies. I don’t even like Harry Potter!”

Leslie: “That’s insane! You love Harry Potter! You’ve seen all eight movies!” Parks & Recreation (2009-2015)

  1. “If I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse cross the living room floor.” Grey’s Anatomy (2005-present)
  2. Shrek: [to Donkey] WHY…are you following me?

Donkey: Oh, I’ll tell you why. [sings] ‘Cause I’m all alone. There’s no one here beside me. My problems have all gone. There’s no one to deride me! But ya gotta have friends! Shrek: Stop singing! Well, it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends. Donkey: Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest. –Shrek (2001)

  1. “There’s nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for all the right reasons.” Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)
  2. “I stepped up! She’s my friend and she needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you!” Friends (1994-2004)
  3. “She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like to have people be jealous of us.” Clueless (1995)
  4. “Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you.” Spongebob (1999-present)
  5. “Gretchen, I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I’m sorry for telling everyone about it. And I’m sorry for repeating it now.” Mean Girls (2004)
  6. Ethel: “You always do drag me into your crazy schemes!”

Lucy: “Well, this is one time I can do without you.” Ethel: “What’s wrong with me all of a sudden?! […]” Lucy: “Well, alright, Ethel, come along if you want to.” Ethel: “No, I don’t want to. I just wanted you to ask me.” I Love Lucy (1951-1957)

  1. “You are my best friend! Don’t you ever call anybody else that!” Broad City (2014-2019)
  2. Rory: “My god, I hate her.”

Lorelai: “Me too.” Rory: “You’ve no idea who I’m talking about.” Lorelai: “Solidarity, sister.” Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)

  1. “I need you to text me every 30 seconds saying that everything is gonna be okay.” Parks & Recreation (2009-2015)
  2. “We made a deal ages ago. Men, babies, it doesn’t matter…we’re soulmates.” Sex and the City 2 (2010)
  3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m fine, Hawaii you?
  4. Knock knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome.
  5. Knock knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up!
  6. Normal friend: Wow you are so pretty! Best Friend: Shrek called, he wants his face back.
  7. Ever looked at your best friend and wonder: why the hell aren’t we comedians?
  8. Friends are like melons, do you want to know why? To find one good you must a hundred try.
  9. The difference between a girlfriend and a girl friend is that space in between we call a “friend zone.”
  10. A good friend calls you in jail, a great friend bails you out of jail, a best friend sits next to you in jail and says, “wasn’t that fun?”
  11. What is a meaning of a true friend? One who remembers your birthday but not your age!
  12. Why is a droid mechanic never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends!
  13. Why did the Mushroom have lots of friends? Cause he’s a fungi!
  14. One day two avocados, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured avocado called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured avocado was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured avocado, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.” “The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life”.

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