The Kind Of Friends Who Help You Survive Motherhood

by Holly Loftin
Originally Published: 
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I think the key to surviving motherhood and marriage is having a few real deal, badass bitches in your corner. I call them my soul sistas because they just get me and accept me without judgment. They are my heart, my soul, and my sanity. These women are a far cry from being normal or average because, frankly, basic and ordinary are a waste of my time. I need strong, no-bullshit women on my team, because let’s face it, life is fucking hard.

You probably got some of your best girlfriends way before motherhood, which means they have seen you in your darkest hours and can truly vouch for how far you have come. I think the majority of mine are just as surprised as I am that I didn’t drink myself into oblivion and have grown into a responsible adult running a household (okay, trying to run a household). I’m sure you have also gained some beautiful, solid friendships post-motherhood.

Each one of these women is very different, but they all inspire me on a daily basis and help keep me grounded. They are my constant. They are my sounding board when I’m close to losing my mind — which is often. They serve as my compass when I can longer find my way. And they make me a better person and mom.

Our husbands are great, but let’s be real: They cannot comprehend the crazy scenarios going on in our head at any given moment. It’s not their fault; they simply lack the genetic make-up. That is why we need our soul sistas. They come from all walks of life, but all have one thing in common: These friendships are rock solid and can stand the test of time because these strong women are genuinely invested in you and your well-being and won’t back down, no matter the cost.

They are the first people to have your back.

In fact, with one 9-1-1 text, they are at your doorstep (or on the phone if they live long distance), ready to tackle a crisis or pop open a bottle of wine. Your girlfriends don’t see 5 o’clock as a guideline for drinking; they know when the shit has hit the fan and to rise to the drinking occasion. They will help you dissect your problem into a million pieces and choose the place to best hide the body — I mean, the best course of action to solve the problem. They will cut the bitch who tries to cross you, or at least make her life a little painful. Soul sistas always have your back.

They call you on your shit.

They may not overtly offer their opinion at first because they know how to handle you with care, but they will ask the right questions so that you step back from your crazy and give yourself a reality check. They will ask things like, “Are you sure it happened that way?” or “Could you have maybe provoked the situation just a little?” Once they break down your walls and help you to see things clearly, they try to problem solve with you. Soul sistas want you to be the best person you can be, even if their honest advice isn’t well received at first.

They are like nominated aunts to your kids, and they love your children almost as much as their own.

They babysit for free, buy your children gifts, and spend hours with you trying to figure out what is wrong with your child when something seems “not right.” They will spend countless hours researching with you on Google and will even go as far as contacting doctors or any experts who can assist you and your child. They are your greatest resource. And even if they have no idea how to guide you, they will find people who can help you, and they will follow up with you relentlessly to make sure you are okay. Your kids’ problems are their problems and they never back down.

They love your husband and always fight for your marriage even when you want to give up.

Instead of jumping on the shit-talking bandwagon when you and your husband are at odds, they remind you of the man you married and the wonderful things he has brought to your life. Soul sistas attempt to bring you back to the basics and never fuel the relationship fire further. They know when to fight for your marriage and when to support you in waving the white flag. If you are at fault for your marital problems, they tell you that you screwed up and encourage you to do whatever it takes to make it right with your spouse. You may get angry when they put you in your place, but deep down inside, you know they always have you and husband’s best interest at heart. Your marriage and happiness are genuinely important to them.

They just know when to let you be.

Soul sistas can sense when you are going through a rough patch and they act accordingly. They know when to be a positive Pollyanna and when to the shut the hell up and let you be angry. Words aren’t even necessary sometimes. Soul sistas can just read you — it’s part of their super powers. They know when to let you throw objects at the wall (hypothetically, of course), when to give a motivational speech, and when to step back and say nothing.

I remember when I was going through a very dark time post-partum and I avoided my best friend’s calls and text like the plague for close to a month. When I finally spoke to her, she didn’t give me the third degree or ask me for an explanation of what I was going through. She simply said, “I just wanted to hear your voice” and “I feel like a piece of me is missing without you.” She didn’t need a detailed account of my struggles — she just needed proof of life and to tell me that she loved me. She just let me be and I came around. I’m so thankful that I can always be me with these ladies, no matter how dark and scary “me” is at the time.

You always have fun together, no matter where you are.

It doesn’t matter if you are on the beach, at a fabulous hotel, or if you are stuck in the house with no electricity, you and your soul sistas will always find a way to have fun. You make each other laugh at the silliest things and always come up with the most ridiculous schemes. You talk about your past, present, and future and confide in them your innermost thoughts and dreams. Sometimes you may even just sit in silence because you are at that level of comfort in the relationship. They see you for who you really are and love you anyway.

I hope that other women are lucky enough to have a few soul sistas who make their world complete. I’m not sure that I would be who I am today without the little pushes and unconditional love and support that I’ve gotten from these friends throughout the struggles in my life. I think having someone walk beside you in friendship — even when at times you are dragging them through the mud — is a rare quality. Cherish these ladies and don’t let them go. In fact, pour a glass of wine, call up your soul sistas, and tell them that you fucking love them and that they complete you.

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