From The Confessional: We Really, REALLY Don't Miss Kids' Birthday Parties

by Rita Templeton
Cavan Images/Getty

There are tons of things we miss about pre-pandemic life, back when normalcy was a thing. But as with most shitty situations, there is one teeny tiny silver lining, and it’s this: no more kids’ birthday parties. At least not the kind we had to deal with before COVID.

Birthday parties are overrated

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I hate it when my friends with kids invites me to their kids birthday parties. I feel like I have to go or I'm a terrible friend. Seriously, who on gods great earth WANTS to go to a kids birthday party......

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You know the ones: they’re crowded, they’re loud, they’re held in a dirty-carpeted venue that smells like old pizza and parental angst.

No more birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese. Ever.

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Either that or so meticulously themed and over-the-top that you wonder if the parents had to take out a second mortgage.

I can't believe how much money parents spend on their kids birthday parties. I know a girl that spent around $2,000.

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If you throw your kid expensive birthday parties - or, even worse, you throw show-off Pinteresty parties - it's pretty much guaranteed that I don't like you. It's nothing personal. No, I lied, it's totally personal.

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And, let’s face it … there’s more than one reason kids’ birthday parties just plain suck.

I hate kid's birthday parties, even my own kid's. Kids are fucking annoying.

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But for now, anyway, there’s no more getting three freaking birthday party invitations in a week. No more RSVP’ing. No more agonizing over whether you’re supposed to drop your kid off and burn rubber, or whether you’re supposed to stay and make awkward small talk.

I dread kids birthday parties... social anxiety to the max.

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I hate birthday parties and anything that forces me to socialize with other parents

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No more spending a small fortune on gifts that will be ripped open and shoved aside in favor of the next. No goody bags with slime that gets stuck in your carpet.

I hate the cheap crap kids get at birthday parties in their favor bag. Do me a FAVOR and don't send this shit home. Such a waste of money.

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Just the sheer relief of knowing that nobody’s doing any of that right now — and even if they are, we have a legit excuse to take a rain check (for, like, the next year … and who knows, maybe longer).

Planning birthday parties for my kids have always done nothing but provoke anxiety - I’m using this pandemic to transition into never doing them - we’ll celebrate just fuck that pressure!

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One of the best things about being quarantined is that I don’t have to go to any kid birthday parties. No stress, no bugs, no cookouts or outdoor baby pools.

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Top of my list of things I don't miss are the endless kids birthday parties. Cost of gifts, having to plan weekends around them, DCs getting upset if not invited, pressure to do the same when its my DCs b-day... Can we all agree to end the madness?

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We no longer have to come up with an elaborate story, or fudge the truth even a little bit. “Sorry we can’t come to the birthday party, but we’ll be, uh, spending the weekend backpacking through the mountains of Peru.”

I lie to get out of attending kids birthday parties. Hate them!!

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And can we all just pause to appreciate the fact that we really, really love having an excuse not to deal with the in-laws? I mean, we’re just looking out for their health, amiright? *wink wink*

I really don't want MIL coming here for our son's birthday in 2 weeks. The lockdown was the perfect "appropriate" reason to keep her away.

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It sucks that my son's birthday will be affected by the lockdown. But I am not unhappy that we won't see MIL.

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I avoid having birthday parties for my kids because I can't stand my in-laws that I would have to invite.

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Of course, we can’t just skip out on our own kids’ birthdays, but the relief we feel not having to plan parties and carry them out is real AF.

DD9 birthday is this week. Since she can't have a party I bought her do many freakin gifts and idgaf. We're saving a ton on childcare since quarantining so....

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There will be no kids' birthday parties in my house. That shit is over the top and I haven't the patience for it or other kids.

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Eventually, of course, things will return to a more normal state. And there are so many reasons we can’t wait for that to happen. But for most parents (raises hand), kids’ birthday parties aren’t on our lists of “Things We’re Excited To Get Back To Doing.” Not even a little bit.