From The Confessional: When Your Kid Is A Stage 5 Clinger

by Rita Templeton
Blend Images/Stretch Photography/Getty

The feeling of not having enough personal space is the worst, especially considering that we’ve had more togetherness in the last few months — at least with our immediate families — than we ever anticipated. Sometimes we just need to be by ourselves, but the people around us just aren’t having it. And no matter how much we love them, right now we’d love them to GTFO.

The worst perpetrators, according to our confessional (and, okay, anybody that’s ever been a parent)? KIDS.

Noone realizes how fucking annoying and hard it is to have a clingy child until you have one. Really sucks sometimes.

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Of course we adore them; that goes without saying. But sometimes their adoration of us is a little too much, with zero concept of personal space. Anyone with kids can relate to that stifled feeling. I mean, if you haven’t taken a dump while someone talks to you at close range, are you even a parent?

My 2 year old is being excessively clingy today.... My head is going to f***ing explode. I feel awful but please sweet girl GET THE HELL OFF OF ME.

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Sometimes I just want my son to get OUT OF MY FACE and let me breathe. I love him, but geez he can be clingy at times.

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My DS15 mos is going through a ridiculously annoying clingy phase. I am so over it and I don't wanna parent today. Please don't make me parent today!!

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I love DS4, I really do, but after being stuck with his whiny, clingy, bratty behavior last week while I was battling a severe stomach bug, I am thrilled beyond belief that I get a 29-hour break from him. I think we'll get along better afterward.

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I can't deal with my ds3 anymore; he is inordinately clingy and cries everytime I leave the room. I have no help and I feel imprisoned. And yes, he still breastfeeds and chases me down screaming if I say no. Please help me.

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If you’re the parent of a stage-5 clinger, you can pretty much throw the concept of self-care out the window until this phase passes.

I’m a SAHM who is unable to do any self care because little one is so clingy. I’m so scared I will become sick and die from not taking care of myself and stress.

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Sometimes I just hate my kids. They are so needy, so clingy, and so exhausting to take care of. Every. Day. Sometimes I just want to take care of me. Only.

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And this mom sums up so eloquently what we’ve all thought at bedtime: fuck you and go to sleep.

ds3: mommy loves you. but fuck you and go to sleep. i worked my ass off today and just want to go to bed. the clingy, toddler bullshit is getting old. go the fuck to sleep already. enough is enough.

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Of course, clinginess is by no means limited to children. Sometimes it’s the fur babies.

I don't know what drives me crazier, my super clingy toddler or my super clingy cat!!! Everyone just get off me!!!!

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I don't know where people developed the notion that cats are aloof and unaffectionate - mine follows me everywhere and won't leave me the F alone. Good God - the kids weren't this clingy!

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One of my cats is incredibly clingy. I like it - it makes me feel important :)

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And sometimes, it’s our damn partners. Who, by the way, you’d think would be old enough to have their own interests that don’t always involve us.

H is driving me insane. Needy, clingy, completely dependent on me for constant affirmations. I’m fucking tired. He’s a category five dick, and I’m done with having to be his encourager.

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My husband is driving me completely bonkers. Three months and he’s still looking for another full time job. He’s clingy AF and needs a shit ton of encouragement and praise. I’m losing my last shred of sanity. Go the fuck to work. Jesus.

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As far as living together, H isn't so much my "life partner" or "soul mate" as he is "clingy, needy toddler" or "annoying teenage brother." And then he wonders why I'm constantly irritated and never want sex. Maybe. If. You. Were. An. Actual. Adult.

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To heck with KIDS being clingy - save me from my husband. He's not controlling, and he certainly loves me, but the man is worse than a dog about following me around everywhere and wanting to be with me ALL. THE. TIME!

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I always tell H it takes the baby forever to go to sleep. When I REALLY use the time to get away from his clingy, needy ass. I already have a baby who needs me 24/7. Grow up mamas boy!

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And if it’s not our kids, pets, or significant others … it can also be our friends. We try to be there for them, but we’ve gotta set some boundaries sometimes. After all, we do have lives outside of helping them manage theirs.

You know you are in trouble when Google can't give you advice on how to break off a clingy/needy friendship without messing up your kids' friendships. I don't care that our kids hang out, but I can't stand you!

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My BFF is so clingy that I dread taking her call these days. I need space cling-on!

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I'm about ready to ghost my best friend. She's being clingy as fuck, texting all day. If I don't respond immediately she asks me what's wrong. NOTHING. I'm just living my life. Leave me the fuck alone. It's annoying as shit.

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But kids are simultaneously exhausting and endearing, and sometimes despite it all, we miss our little Velcro babies.

I can't wait for my clingy baby to go to sleep, but then I miss him when he is asleep.

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And, at least where our kids are concerned, underneath our layers of annoyance lies the knowledge of a fundamental truth: this too shall pass, and they won’t always be this way.

I decided to give into my 9 month olds clingy-ness. She wants to be held during naps. Sure. Wants to be close to me at all times. Why not? She won't be little forever. Fuck what everyone else says.

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… At least we hope they won’t always be clingy, for the sake of their future partners and friends. Otherwise they just might find themselves the subjects of a Scary Mommy confession.