100+ Funny Drinking Quotes And Sayings That Will Have The Room Buzzing

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
drinking quotes and sayings, Pint of beer
Photo by mnm.all on Unsplash

Sometimes, after a few drinks, you want to say something funny, but the beer kicks in and you can’t think of anything. Fortunately for you, many appreciators of alcoholic beverages have come before you and said some pretty smart and witty things about drinks.

So, if you’re looking to get buzzed with a little drinking humor, you’ve come to the right place. These quotes will remind you of what it’s like to get tipsy and the embarrassment of having a little too much. We’ve all been there and endured a wild night or two fueled by alcohol. So, a toast — to all the times you made it home safely and the hangovers you survived. Remember, not only to drink responsibly but with good friends too. (Cheers.) Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing.

  1. “Trust me: You can dance — Alcohol.” — Unknown
  2. “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.” ― Aaron Howard
  3. “If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA.” — Unknown
  4. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” – Stephen Wright
  5. “I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL.” — Unknown
  6. “A man’s true character comes out when he’s drunk.” – Charlie Chaplin
  7. “Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL” — Unknown
  8. “Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” — Seneca
  9. “Not to get technical, But according to chemistry ALCOHOL is a solution.” — Unknown
  10. “I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been over served.” ― George Gobel


  1. “Always buy a bigger bottle than you think You’ll need. Better to be safe than sober.” — Unknown
  2. “People are not addicted to Alcohol or drugs, They are addicted to escaping reality.” — Unknown
  3. “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” — G.K. Chesterton
  4. “Alcohol does not make you fat, it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, walls, floors and ugly people.” — Unknown
  5. “The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” ― William Butler Yeats
  6. “Always do sober what you said you’d do when you were drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway
  7. “Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown
  8. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” — Unknown
  9. “First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” — Unknown
  10. “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.” — Unknown
  11. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.”- Rumi
  12. “Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.” — Unknown
  13. “Nothing lasts forever so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.” — Unknown
  14. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields
  15. “Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald
  16. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown
  17. “Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — Pope John XXIII
  18. “I drink alcohol to drown my problems, unfortunately my problems are damn good swimmers.” — Unknown
  19. “A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world.”- Louis Pasteur
  20. “This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.”- Samuel Johnson
  21. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”- Joan Collins
  22. “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”- Steve Martin
  23. “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” — Unknown
  24. “If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing.” — Unknown


  1. “The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.” — Unknown
  2. “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.”- William Faulkner
  3. “Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.” -John Fletcher
  4. “Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.”― Jerry Vale
  5. “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” – Winston Churchill
  6. “A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” – W.C. Fields
  7. “Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.” — Unknown
  8. “I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”- Brendan Behan
  9. “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Unknown
  10. “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” – Lord Byron
  11. “I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” – George Best
  12. “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”- Ernest Hemingway
  13. “I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year’s eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.” — Unknown
  14. “The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.” — Unknown
  15. “A man is a fool is he drinks before he reaches the age of 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.”- Frank Lloyd Wright
  16. “I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.” — Unknown
  17. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” ― George F. Burns
  18. “He was a wise man who invented beer.” – Plato
  19. “Don’t cry over spilled milk…it could have been beer!” — Unknown
  20. “Let’s have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.” — Unknown
  21. “Beer doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you need to drink lots of it.” — Unknown


  1. “Home is where the wine is.” — Unknown
  2. “A drunk man never tells a lie.” — Unknown
  3. “I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!” — Unknown
  4. “Act single, see double, drink triple.” — Unknown
  5. “You look like I need another drink.” — Unknown
  6. “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” — Unknown
  7. “Nothing in life is absolute — only vodka.” — Unknown
  8. “Because alcohol tastes better than tears.” — Unknown
  9. “A party without alcohol is just a meeting.” — Unknown
  10. “I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen King
  11. “Save the earth, it’s the only planet with beer.” — Unknown
  12. “I said no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.” — Unknown
  13. “I drink because I work, I work so I can drink.” — Unknown
  14. “Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.” — Unknown
  15. “To me ‘Drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.” — Unknown
  16. “Friday is the beginning of my liver’s work week.” — Unknown
  17. “I’m on a whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already!” — Unknown
  18. “He that drinks fast, pays slow.” — Benjamin Franklin
  19. “They say follow your heart and it led me to alcohol.” — Unknown
  20. “Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!” — Unknown
  21. “Good people drink good beer.” — Hunter S. Thompson
  22. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash
  23. “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” — Oscar Wilde
  24. “I don’t have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.” — Unknown
  25. “I am a drinker with writing problems.” — Brendan Behan
  26. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” — Unknown
  27. “Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.” — Unknown
  28. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — Unknown
  29. “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.” – Kinky Friedman
  30. “Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you alcohol.” — Unknown
  31. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” — Unknown
  32. “We drink and we die and continue to drink.”- Dennis Leary
  33. “May you always have love in your heart and beer in your belly.” — Unknown
  34. “My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.” — Unknown
  35. “Alcohol is the cause and the solution to many of life’s problems.” — Unknown
  36. “Alcohol helps me listen to your bullshit and pretend to believe it.” — Unknown


  1. “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” — Steve Fergosi
  2. “There are more old drunkards than old physicians.” — Bernard Shaw
  3. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway
  4. “Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.” — Unknown
  5. “If smokers can have smoking breaks, why can’t I have drinking breaks.” — Unknown
  6. “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown
  7. “Alcohol is a perfect solvent, it dissolves marriages, families and careers.” — Unknown
  8. “Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown
  9. “Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” – Henry Lawson
  10. “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”- Kaiser Wilhelm
  11. “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.” — John Churchill
  12. “How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.” — Unknown

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