40 Hilarious Beer Jokes, Puns, And Quotes: Funny Alcohol Jokes

40 Hilarious Beer Jokes For The Hoppiest Happy Hour Ever

April 2, 2020 Updated September 17, 2020

beer jokes and puns
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There really is nothing quite like kicking back with some friends and a cold bottle of beer, is there? In fact, in 2018, the U.S. beer industry sold 202.2 million barrels of beer — that’s the equivalent of 2.8 billion cases! The millennia-old libation has inspired famous beer quotes from literary giants, and countless jokes to tell while drinking. So whether you’re looking for your next happy hour Instagram caption or just a way to lighten the mood, we’ve got you covered with the funniest beer jokes and puns to make happy hour a little hoppier.

RELATED: 100+ Math Jokes And Puns That’ll Arithma-tick Your Funny Bone

It’s five o’clock somewhere, so enjoy a cold one as you browse them below.

beer jokes
Fox

1. A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”

2. A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.

3. I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

4. Why do they never serve beer at a math party? – Because you can’t drink and derive.

5. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “for you? No charge!”

6. Trust me, you can dance. – Beer

7. What did the bottle write on the postcard? Wish you were beer!

8. IPA a lot when I drink beer.

9. Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as halfway to your next beer.

10. What is the definition of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.

11. What’s the difference between Bud Light and having sex in a Kayak? They’re both f*cking close to water!

12. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

13. What do you never say to a policeman? “Sure let me grab my license. Can you hold my beer?”

14. This beer tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow.

15. What did the beer sing on the beach? “Don’t worry. Be hoppy.”

16. Beer…because you can’t drink bacon.

17. “Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring beer.”

18. One beer, two beer, three beer, four. Then I hit the floor.

19. Roses are red, violets are blue. Poems are hard. Beer!

20. They say you can’t find happiness at the bottom of a beer. No kidding, who’s happy when their beer is over?

21. When my friend fell asleep at the bar I poured ale at him. It was a brewed awakening.

22. Hey bartender, I need a beer. I’ve got way too much blood in my alcohol system.

23. Guy walks into a bar, orders a beer. As the bartender hands it to him, the guy realizes he really has to take a leak urgently. However, the bar is crowded, and he doesn’t want to leave his full beer on the bar because he’s afraid someone will drink it. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: “I spit in this beer.” Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. When he returns, he’s delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: “So did I.”

24. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

25. Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not beer.

26. In heaven there is no beer, which is why we drink it here.

27. If God had intended us to drink beer he would have given us stomachs.

28. Beer. Because you can’t drink bacon.

29. Beer is made from hops. Hops is a plant. Beer=salad.

30. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon.

31. To beer or not to beer, that is the question.

32. You can’t find happiness at the bottom of a beer. Obviously, who is happy when their beer runs out?

33. Life and beer are very similar. Chill for best results.

34. Beer doesn’t have much vitamins, that’s why you have to drink lots of it.

Hoppiest Quotes About Beer
35. “Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.” ― Tom Robbins
36. “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” ― Abraham Lincoln
37. “Beer is made by men, wine by God.” ― Martin Luther
38. “Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”
― Martin Luther
39. “And … and what is civilisation if it isn’t people talking to each other over a goddamned beer?” ― James S.A. Corey
40. “If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.” ― David Daye