30+ Hilarious Wine Jokes And Puns To Give You A Riesling To Be Happy

30+ Wine Jokes And Puns That Will Give You A Riesling To Be Happy

February 18, 2020 Updated June 11, 2020

kelsey-knight-udj2tD3WKsY-unsplash (1)
Kelsey Knight/ Unsplash

Good food, good drink, and good company are some of life’s simplest pleasures. And wine holds a special place in that hierarchy. If you’re someone who likes thinking about, reading about, and of course, drinking wine, you probably appreciate a good laugh and some useless facts about vino, too. Here are 31 wine jokes and puns that will give you a Riesling to be happy about life. Pair our wine jokes and puns with our delicious cheese puns for a more full-bodied flavor.

wine jokes and puns
Comedy Central
  1. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
  2. The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
  3. What did the grape say when it was crushed? 
    Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  4. Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful.
  5. I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine. It’s a Bordeaux collie.
  6. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof.
  7. Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
  8. Do librarians like white wine? No, they like theirs well red!
  9. Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
  10. When you get a hangover from wine it’s called the Grape Depression.
  11. I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence. It’s called Pinot More.
  12. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
  13. It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There’s clearly room for more wine.
  14. What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races? Chardon-neigh!

    wine jokes and puns
    HBO
  15. I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
  16. I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
  17. What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection? Mos-cat-o!
  18. Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
  19. Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
  20. The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
  21. What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy? Sauvign-yawn blanc!
  22. Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
  23. Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business? They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
  24. Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
    Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
  25. What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate? Port whine!
  26. Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire? He heard it was a Goodyear!
  27. You had me at merlot.
  28. Adulting makes me wine.
  29. Love the wine you’re with.
  30. Chardonnay or should I go?
  31. When I drink wine, I make pour decisions.

Related: The Price Of Wine Is Dropping Fast — And Expected To Hit A 20-Year Low