Giant Cat Head Masks: Because 2016 Hasn't Been Terrifying Enough

Move over creepy clowns, these giant cat head masks are the new nightmare fuel

Halloween is rapidly approaching, and if, like me, you’ve yet to settle on a costume, might I suggest one that will haunt your neighbors’ dreams for years to come? And it will only cost you half your savings!

From a story on Today, Japan’s latest bizarre craze are these giant, custom-made cat head masks. Designed by Japanese artist Houseto Sato, each enormous cat head takes three-months to make and costs around $5000. It seems a bit steep for trick or treating with a six-year-old in Brooklyn, but it might make sense as a way to terrify him when he misbehaves.

Take a look at this photo, then pop a Xanax and give your shrink a call. I’ll be here when you get back.

Yeah, I think I’ll stick with whatever stupid kids-show based costume my son decides on for me.

Despite their potential for scaring my kids straight, I don’t think I’d be letting one of those giant heads near my house. And I consider myself a cat person. (Note: this does not mean I don’t like dogs; I love dogs. But I grew up with cats, and despite the fact that I’m a grown man with a family and not a lonely spinster, I love cats! (Double note: ever notice dog people love saying they hate cats, but cat people are usually animal people who tend to like both?))

Here’s another pic. Sorry not sorry?

Thankfully, the giant feline faces of death are only available in Japan, so I should be safe when I take my kids around to collect dental bills in a few weeks. Because if those things start popping up in the States, Trump won’t be the only reason I’ll consider moving to Canada.

If I saw a family like that coming up my driveway on Halloween, not only would I flush any remaining candy and turn out the lights, I’d probably burn my house down and flee the country because there’s no way you could convince me that my nightmares haven’t been made flesh and were out to exact their revenge for all those times I mocked Hello Kitty.

Of course, with my luck, if I do book it out of here, I’ll probably end up at the front desk in this picture. Hotel Catifornia. You can freak out, but you can never flea.