The Kind Of Friends I Want

by Victoria Fedden
good friends
kevinbism / Pixabay

I want good friends who show up, friends who tell the truth. I want friends who can look me in the eye and tell me that I am a total fool, a complete ass, but they love me anyway, and that even though things are currently a disaster, one day, I will look back on this and it will make for a very funny story.

I need friends who remind me that everything is going to be okay, and I need to know that it will be, because at the very least, I have them.

I want friends who gather — not scatter — when life stops being fun all the time, when there’s hard work to get done and tough times to get through. I want the friends who’ll rush to pick me up and carry me to the end when I can’t make it there on my own.

Don’t judge me. This is important. I want friends who understand that I am not a good story to retell, that I am complicated and messed up — not a juicy tidbit too irresistible not to pass on. I want friends who dance in the light while holding my hands instead of hiding in the shade of rumors and gossip.

I’m not a fixer-upper. Good friends don’t try to renovate human beings, so I want friends who take me as-is. I want friends who believe that I am always enough.

I want the kind of friends whose house you can drop by because you’re in the neighborhood, and you have to go to the bathroom, and you know you can’t make it all the way home. I want friends I’m not embarrassed to poop around.

I want friends who text me funny, inspiring memes that always seem to be exactly what I need. I want friends who won’t give me the side-eye when I order a water but then get Sprite at Taco Bell. For that matter, I want friends who won’t lecture me for being at Taco Bell in the first place.

Sometimes I am insecure. I want friends who don’t need to say anything to remind me that I’m accepted.

If someone does me wrong (or even if I just think they did) and I need to vent, I want friends who give me the space to do that and then offer to organize an angry mob of flaming pitchforks in retaliation.

I want friends who make sure that I’m always safe even if the worst danger is coming from within myself.

I want friends who can pick up exactly where we left off. I want friends who don’t take time, distance, or well, anything personally. Sometimes life gets in the way of being able to make plans or pick up the phone, and I want friends who understand that.

I want friends with big appetites — for life, good things to eat, adventure, affection.

Please celebrate with me. I want good friends who share my successes and know how hard-earned and well-deserved they are, just like their own.

Some people energize, invigorate, and excite. I want people like that as friends; I want friends who are generous with their spirits.

I like people with opinions even if I don’t necessarily share them. I want friends from different places, friends with other ideas, friends who grew up in families the opposite of mine. I want friends who are seekers and collaborators, friends with visions and dreams. I want friends who let me support them with enthusiasm.

It’s okay to call me in the middle of the night. It’s okay to tell me you are sad, or happy, or frustrated or that you don’t want to be married anymore. I want friends who reveal and can show me their worst too. I want friends who let me show up with pizza and cake for whatever reason — like the time my friend sent her husband out late to get me ice cream because I had panic attacks and hadn’t eaten in three days, and ice cream was the only thing I could keep down.

I want friends who teach me and set an example. I want to be friends with people who make me want to do better and be better, but who don’t make me earn their love.

Friendship can’t have an agenda. It doesn’t work that way, so I want friends who don’t use me up and deplete me. I definitely want friends who’d never try to sell me anything. While we’re at it, I’d prefer the kinds of friends who don’t add me to group messages or hit “Reply All.” I feel like this is a small request.

I want friends with hilarious sex stories. This means they aren’t uptight and don’t take themselves too seriously. It means they have a naughty streak.

I want friends who can be a little mischievous. These people are like jalapeños. They make a boring plate of tomatoes into salsa. While we’re at it, I want friends who like tacos as much as I do.

Here is what I want: open hearts, imperfection, the recognition of possibilities, the opportunity for meaning. I want feasting and parties. I want quiet stillness. I want to grieve together. I want friends I can take a stand with. I want friends who want to work together.

I want good friends who take the risk to love fearlessly.