Parenting

'Goonies Never Say Die!' And 65+ Other Timeless Goonies Quotes

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Goonies Quotes
Warner Bros.

Hey, you guyyyyyys! Isn’t it funny how three simple words can instantly transport your mind right into a movie scene? In this case, those three words are a few of the many that help make Goonies quotes some of the most cited lines in cinematic history — or at least it probably feels that way if you’re an ’80s or ’90s kid. Just think about it: How many times have you caught yourself proclaiming that “Goonies never say die”? Or joked to your kids that they “smell like Phys. Ed.”? (If you haven’t, you should.)

It’s not surprising that this 1985 film went on to become a cult classic. The premise alone is full of fun and adventure. You remember, right? It follows a group of young misfits who call themselves the “Goonies” — Mikey (Sean Astin), Brand (Josh Brolin), Chunk (Jeff Cohen), Corey Feldman (Mouth), Data (Ke Huy Quan), Andy (Kerri Green), and Stef (Martha Plimpton). The kids are distraught that developers plan to demolish the homes they love in their small Oregon community. Just when their parents’ backs are up against the wall, the Goonies discover a map to legendary pirate One-Eyed Willy’s treasure. So, they set off to find it, meeting a gentle giant named Sloth, encountering countless near-death scenarios, and trying to escape the infamous Fratelli crime family along the way.

Ah, good times. If you need a quick reminder just how amazing The Goonies is — or if you want to brush up on the lines so you can echo them to your kids — keep reading.

Best Goonies Quotes

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  1. “Goonies never say die!” — Mikey
  2. “Hey, you guyyyyyys!” — Sloth
  3. (Mouth is “translating” Mrs. Walsh’s instructions for Rosalita)

Irene Walsh: “Pants and shirts go in the… oh, forget about it. Just throw everything into cardboard boxes. Clark, can you really translate all that?” Mouth: “For sure, Mrs. Walsh.” Mouth: (in Spanish) “The marijuana goes in the top drawer. The cocaine and speed go in the second drawer. And the heroin goes in the bottom drawer. Always separate the drugs.”

  1. “Don’t you realize? The next time you see the sky, it’ll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it’ll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us. But right now, they got to do what’s right for them. Because it’s their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it’s our time. It’s our time down here. That’s all over the second we ride up Troy’s bucket.” — Mikey
  2. Andy: “I can’t tell if it’s an ‘A sharp’ or if it’s a ‘B flat’!”

Mikey: “Heh, if you hit the wrong note, we’ll all ‘B flat’!”

  1. “Brand, God put that rock there for a purpose… and, um… I’m not so sure you should, um… move it.” — Stef
  2. Data: “That’s OK, Daddy. You can’t hug a photograph.”

Mr. Wang: “You are my greatest invention.”

  1. Mouth: (examining coins in the well) “President Lincoln, George Washington, Martin Sheen….”

Stef: “Martin Sheen? That’s President Kennedy, you idiot!” Mouth: “Well, same difference. I mean, he played Kennedy once.”

  1. Andy: “Brand, what happened to your braces?”

Brandon: “Braces? I don’t wear braces. Mikey wears bra — Mikey! That little….” Andy: “Shhh!” (kisses Brand again)

  1. Stef: “You know, your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn’t screwing it up.”

Mouth: “Yeah, and your looks are kind of pretty when your face isn’t screwing it up.”

  1. Mikey: “Dad! Dad! It’s my marble bag. The Fratellis forgot to check it. I emptied out all of my marbles and put the jewels in. We don’t have to leave the Goon Docks!”

Irving Walsh: (ripping up the foreclosure document) “They’ll be no more signing today or ever again!”

  1. Stef: “Data, where are you going?”

Data: “I’m setting booty traps.” Stef: “You mean booby traps?” Data: “That’s what I said! Booby traps! God, these guys.”

  1. “Kids suck.” — Mama Fratelli
  2. “Andy, you goonie!” — Troy Perkins
  3. Stef: “OK, you kissed. Now tell.”

Andy: “There’s something weird.” Stef: “What? What is it?” Andy: “Does Brand wear braces?” Stef: (bursts into laughter) Andy: “Why are you laughing? Stef, it was beautiful.” Stef: Next time you kiss him, do it with your eyes open. It’s a whole different experience.”

  1. “I’m gonna hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style.” — Brandon
  2. “Hey, mister? Are you hungry? I got a Baby Ruth.” — Chunk
  3. Andy: “Brand is being so sweet to me.”

Stef: “Oh, come on! Where are you? You’re in the clouds and we are in a basement!”

  1. “Yo. Hi, guys. How’s it going? This is Willie… One-Eyed Willie. Say hi, Willie. These are my friends, the Goonies.” — Mikey
  2. “Hey, I’ve got a great idea, you guys! Slick shoes!” — Data
  3. Chunk: “Listen, OK? You guys’ll never believe me. There was two cop cars, OK? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!”

Mikey: “More amazing than the time Michael Jackson came over to your house to use the bathroom?” Brandon: “More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?” Mouth: “Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather’s pizza, right?” Chunk: “OK, Brand. Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.”

  1. “It’s OK, you’re a Goonie, and Goonies always make mistakes. Just don’t make any more.” — Mikey
  2. “We’re in deep shit now, Francis.” — Jake Fratelli
  3. Irene Walsh: “Brandon Walsh! If you don’t bring those kids back, I’m going to commit Harri Krishna!”

Brandon: “That’s Hari Kari, Ma!”

  1. “You gotta do the Truffle Shuffle.” — Mouth
  2. “This is ridiculous. It’s crazy. I feel like I’m babysitting, except I’m not getting paid.” — Stef
  3. “Man! You smell like Phys Ed!” — Chunk
  4. “Senior jerk alert!” — Mouth
  5. Mikey: “What are you doing? It took him 376 lawn jobs to get that bike! That’s his most favorite thing in the world!”

Mouth: “Now it’s the most flattest thing in the world. Let’s go!”

  1. “Chunk, I’m pretty much OD’ing on all your bullshit stories.” — Mouth
  2. “Rocky… road?” — Sloth
  3. Andy: “Do you think there’s really any treasure here?”

Mikey: “Andy, this whole ship is a treasure.”

  1. “Sorry, Dad, we had our hands on the future, but we gave it up just to save our own lives.” — Mikey
  2. “You guys, I’m hungry. I know when my stomach growls, there’s trouble.” — Chunk
  3. “Watch your hair! Watch your hair! They’re goin’ for the hair!” — Francis Fratelli
  4. Mouth: “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we just spread chocolate all over the floor and let Chunk eat his way through?”

Chunk: “Ok, Mouth. I’ve taken all I can stand… and I can’t stand no more!”

  1. “C’mon, Mikey, give me a lickery kiss!” — Mouth
  2. “My God, I’m in a crazy house!” — Rosalita
  3. Mikey: “It was a retropactum!”

Brandon: “Retrospective!” Mikey: “See! That’s what I said! You always contradict me. I know what I was saying. It was on the history of Astoria, and these are the rejects!” Chunk: “Kinda like us, Mikey. The Goonies.” Mouth: “I’m not a reject!”

  1. Chunk: “Mikey, Mikey, this ain’t the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.”

Mama Fratelli: “Why not?” Chunk: “Because they might have daddy longlegs and, um, dead things, Mikey. DEAD THINGS!”

  1. Chunk: “Sloth! Come on!”

Sloth: “Sloth love Chunk!” Chunk: “I love you too, and you’re going to get crushed!” Sloth: “Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!”

  1. “Holy S-H-I-T!” — Data
  2. Mikey: “What about the loot?”

Brand: “What about our lives?”

  1. “Hello, Sheriff? I’m at the Lighthouse Lounge, and I want to report, well, a murder.” — Chunk
  2. Harriet Walsh: “Where are my boys?”

Harriet Walsh, Irving Walsh: “Mikey? Brand?” Mikey: “Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. I guess we’re in big shit now, right?”

  1. Chunk: “Mikey, Mikey, come on. Our parents are worried. It’s dinnertime. Why don’t we go home?”

Mikey: “Home? What home? In a couple more hours, it ain’t gonna be home anymore. Come on, guys, this is our time. Our last chance to see if there really is any rich stuff. We’ve got to.”

  1. “I hit the wrong note. I’m not Liberace, you know!” — Andy
  2. “The only thing we serve here is tongue. You boys like tongue?” — Mama Fratelli
  3. “Follow them size fives!” — Mama Fratelli
  4. “I smell ice cream.” — Chunk
  5. Mikey: “Pee break! Who’s gotta go? OK, this is the little boys’ room, and that cave over there is the little girls’ room.”

Mikey: “Brand, where are you going?” Brand: “This is the men’s room.”

  1. “This one, this one right here, this was my dream, my wish. And it didn’t come true. So, I’m taking it back. I’m taking them all back.” — Mouth
  2. “When they wreck our house, I hope they make it a sand trap.” — Brandon
  3. “I’m James Bond Double-O-Seven, not Double-O-Negative!” — Data
  4. “Trust your dear old mother, boys. Throw ‘er into four-wheel drive and hold onto your hats.” — Mama Fratelli
  5. “But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then I made a noise like this: ‘hua-hua-hua-huaaaa. And then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.” — Chunk
  6. Mikey: “Shut up about that stuff; my dad’ll fix it.”

Brand: “Ya, sure he will… if he gets his next 400 paychecks by tomorrow afternoon.”

  1. “I love the dark. I love the dark. But I hate nature!” — Chunk
  2. “Yeah, well, I’m not a Goonie. I wanna go home.” — Andy
  3. “Pinchers of Power! You guys! I’ve been saved by my Pinchers of Power!” — Data
  4. “In fourth grade, I stole my Uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play.” — Chunk
  5. “In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs, and I blamed it on the dog.” — Chunk
  6. Mikey: “How long have you guys been standing there?”

Brand: “Long enough, Mikey. Long enough.”

  1. Elgin Perkins: “Is your Mommy here?”

Brandon: “No, sir. Actually, she’s out at the market buying Pampers for all us kids.”

  1. “Hi, Willie. Oh, I’m Mike Walsh. You’ve been expecting me, haven’t you? Well, I made it. I beat you. I got here in one piece… so far.” — Mikey
  2. Mouth: “Is this supposed to be water?”

Mama Fratelli: “It’s wet, ain’t it? Drink it!”

  1. (Brand and Andy are about to kiss after falling down together) Chunk: “Shame, shame!”

Data: “I know your name!” Mouth: “Come on, Brand! Slip her the tongue!” Stef: “Oh, that’s disgusting. Now I can’t even look.”

  1. (Whispering to himself) “Chester Copperpot. Chester Copperpot… (out loud) Chester Copperpot! Don’t you guys see? Don’t you realize? He was a pro. He never made it this far. Look how far we’ve come. We’ve got a chance.” — Mikey

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