As spooky and sugar-filled as Halloween is, it’s also a time where kids can look as silly on the outside as they feel on the inside. Has there ever been a better time to get your giddy ghouls giggling? We’re here to help you give your kids another treat in the form of laughter: here’s a list of our favorite spooky, kid-friendly Halloween jokes full of ghosts and pumpkins. Rattle them off to those little candy-consuming monsters and watch them gleefully add these to their own list of jokes they tell their friends.
Mummy approved, these clean puns and one-liners will have your little werewolves howling with laughter. Between ghost jokes, vampire jokes, werewolf jokes, and Halloween knock-knock jokes, there’s plenty to keep the whole family entertained. Get cackling, witches!
Best Halloween Jokes and Riddles
1. What animal dresses up and howls?
2. What do birds give out on Halloween?
3. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
4. Why are cemeteries so popular?
Everyone’s dying to get in.
5. Why was the Witch’s broom late?
6. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
7. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
8. What’s the best thing to put into pumpkin pie?
9. Why are spiders great web developers?
They like finding bugs.
10. Why do vampires always seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
11. What’s scarier than a monster?
12. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
You can see right through them.
13. How does a witch style her hair?
14. What do you call two witches who live together?
15. Why don’t vampires have a lot of friends?
Because they are a pain in the neck.
16. What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or tweet.
17. What happens to a vampire in the snow?
18. What do you call a witch at the beach?
19. What kind of monster likes to dance?
20. Where do werewolves store their junk?
21. Where do ghosts like to go swimming?
22. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
23. What was the ghost’s favorite band?
The Grateful Dead.
24. How did the vampire marathon end?
Neck and neck.
25. What kind of boat does a vampire travel in?
A blood vessel.
26. Why don’t mummies have time for fun?
They are too wrapped up in their work.
27. Where does Dracula keep his money?
In a blood bank.
28. Why can’t Dracula play baseball?
He lost his bat.
29. What does a ghost keep in his stable?
30. What did the werewolf eat after his teeth cleaning?
31. What did the skeleton buy at the grocery store?
32. Why was the ghost crying?
He wanted his mummy.
33. Where does the zombie live?
On a dead-end street.
34. What is a ghost’s least favorite candy?
35. What is a vampire’s favorite dog?
36. What room do ghosts avoid?
The living room.
37. What’s the first thing black cats do on Halloween morning?
They wake up.
38. Why don’t skeletons watch horror movies?
They don’t have the guts.
39. Knock, knock…
Ice cream who?
Ice cream, you scream, we all scream for Halloween!
40. Knock, knock…
Ben waiting to go out trick or treating all day!
41. Knock, knock…
Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!
42. Knock, knock…
Bee-ware, all the ghosts are out on Halloween!
43. Knock, knock…
Don’t cry! It’s only Halloween!
44. Knock, knock…
Ice cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a zombie!
45. Knock, knock…
Ivan to suck your blood!
46. Knock, knock…
Witches the way to the haunted cemetery?
47. Knock, knock…
Diane to eat my Halloween candy!
48. Knock, knock…
Eddie body get dressed, it’s time to go Trick-or-Treating!
49. Knock, knock…
50. Knock, knock…
Voodoo you think you are?
51. Knock, knock!
Ghost stand over there and I’ll bring you some candy!
52. What do you call an athletic pumpkin?
A jock o’ lantern.
53. Why do pumpkins do so badly in school?
Because they had all their brains scooped out.
54. Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
55. What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“You look a little sick.”
56. What position does a ghost play in soccer?
57. What do you do when a ton of ghosts show up at your house?
Hope that it’s Halloween!
58. What room in a ghost’s house is most unnecessary?
The living room.
59. Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
60. Why are some ghosts so happy?
Every shroud has a silver lining.
61. Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
62. Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
63. How can you tell a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly donuts.
64. What do ghosts wear when their eyesight is blurry?
65. What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
66. What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal?
67. Where do ghosts go on holidays?
68. What do you call a chunky pumpkin?
69. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
70. How do ghosts search the web?
They use “Ghoul-gle.”
71. What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
“Let’s stop in for a cool one.”
72. What goes “ha-ha-ha-ha-ha” right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?
A monster laughing its head off!
73. Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
Because there are so many plots there!