First of all, how dare he
Last week in the New York Times, an epidemiology and nutrition professor at Harvard University, Dr. Eric Rimm, discussed the health benefits of staying away from fried potatoes – and suggested that the healthy serving size for one of America’s most beloved fast foods should be six fries.
SIX FRIES.
In the days, that followed, the internet exploded with hilarious reactions from people who can’t conceive of heeding his advice, even if it’s hazardous to their health.
Rimm explained in the article that french fries are “starch bombs” that have been shown to contribute to obesity and other health risks–both because potatoes don’t have a high nutritional value and because they are often fried in unhealthy oil during their preparation.
“There aren’t a lot of people who are sending back three-quarters of an order of French fries,” Dr. Rimm said, unknowingly welcoming a mountain of vocal resistance from the people of the world. “I think it would be nice if your meal came with a side salad and six French fries.”
Little does Rimmer know that the only reason we ever count French fries is to make sure our kids aren’t stealing them off our plate.
Even though the The Agriculture Department suggests a healthy serving size to be 12 to 14 fries (or about three ounces, or 140 calories), Rimm’s response was even more untenable. And he seemed to kind of know it.
“It’s too bad in this country you’ll pry them from my cold dead hand,” he concluded, before the article listed a few ways you can make fries healthier, like by baking them or choosing a sweet potato variety.
Since then, Twitter has been clapping back, some users with shock, some with sadness, and other with defiance.
Nathaniel Woodward started us off by sharing some cold, hard truth.
Six french fries? I get more than six stuck in my clothes https://t.co/JDK1XkMDDb
— Nathaniel Woodward (@stubhubby) December 4, 2018
Like, this all seems very suspicious, to be honest.
Did an onion ring write this? https://t.co/ClXEDhUQeO
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) December 4, 2018
Perhaps the message got a little twisted during delivery.
So six fries per bite is what I’m taking away from this. https://t.co/Rg20h9dYBY
— zach with 45% MORE red x-mas trees (@Zach_Team) December 4, 2018
We feel like this guy likes fries as much as we do.
who am i, Oliver Twist? i eat six fries before i even know i'm eating fries
— Phil (@PhilJamesson) December 4, 2018
Six fries is simply Not Very Many Fries by pretty much everyone’s definition.
i eat more than six when i don’t even order fries https://t.co/pyzJNLLX9s
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) December 4, 2018
if i order something with a side of fries and they only give me six I am not responsible for the destruction and annihilation that will result https://t.co/aNo1QpciZ7
— EM! (@uhhmmily) December 4, 2018
Is this hell? Because it sure feels like it.
"SIX"? As in 6 french fries? Are we in hell? https://t.co/7yKfV3Iay3
— Phil Sanchez (@Phil_Sanchez) November 30, 2018
And then a couple of Twitter users somehow got footage of us eating fries.
A Harvard professor says one portion of fries should only contain 6 fires! Excuse me, but I’m just getting started with six fries!! 😳😬 #GMC @WEWS pic.twitter.com/fn7pWGFc1A
— Katie Ussin (@KatieUssin) December 3, 2018
Harvard: A serving size of French fries is six potato sticks
Me: pic.twitter.com/dFxiBImPrQ
— Jana (@jokacolaclassic) December 4, 2018
All in all, Dr. Rimmer is right about at least one thing: you’ll probably have to pry fries out of our cold, dead hands. But the Times piece had one more really good piece of information for fry lovers. Here’s the the healthiness of all your favorite type of fry, in descending order: baked fries, home fries, sweet potato fries, steak fries, crinkle cut fries, shoestring fries, waffle fries and curly fries.
We’ll take… an order of each.