Hey Husbands, Want More Sex? Do More Dishes

by Rita Templeton
gpointstudio / Shutterstock

Psst…hey husbands, on behalf of wives everywhere, I’d like to offer up the secret of seduction that will make us putty in your hands. I know you think you’ve got it down pat — rose petals, champagne and strawberries, bubble baths, silky lingerie (or ball gags and butt plugs, whatever you’re into) — but that’s not it. Sure, those things are great, but if you really want to get our engines running, it’s not about getting down and dirty.

We want you to talk clean to us.

Like, literally. Grab the disinfectant. Get yo’self a broom. Fill the sink with bubbles. Squeeze on that sponge and prepare to bust some scum, because nothing gets us in the mood like some hands-on action from a man who pitches in.

We love the way you grip the shaft of that mop as you glide it slowly back and forth. It’s not the smell of your cologne that gets us so hot; it’s the smell of fabric softener on your hands. Oooooh, yeah, don’t stop – keep rubbing that spot in those small circles — because that stain is gonna take some serious elbow grease. It’s so exciting to watch you go down on…the floor. To, you know, wipe up that sticky patch the kids left. And speaking of the kids, how ’bout you throw them in the bathtub — and then wipe up the water, rinse out the suds, and hang up the towels. Mmm. Follow-through is so sexy.

The thing is, running a household isn’t as easy as we make it look. Like all human beings, we’re operating on a limited supply of energy. And when we use all that energy on scrubbing and washing and the never-ending drudgery that is daily home maintenance — to say nothing of the “extras” like cleaning out the closets — we have little to no energy left to give. Which is why we drag ourselves to bed at the end of the day wearing our baggiest sweatpants and our raggiest T-shirts instead of a flimsy negligee. There may be an S-word on our minds when our heads hit the pillow, but after singlehandedly doing all that, it isn’t “sex.”

When you help us out, though, something magical happens. Sure, it’s beneficial for practical purposes: It gets things done faster and takes some of the pressure off. But more importantly, your willingness to shoulder part of our workload sends us an important message. It says, “I recognize how much you have to do around here, and I care enough to help you do it.” You can freely verbalize how much you appreciate what we do — that’s sweet and all — but actions speak so much louder than words. And that kind of action, dear husbands, is the fastest track to the kind of action you desire.

You know what we want in bed? Clean sheets that we didn’t have to wash ourselves and time to enjoy them — with you, the one who washed them.

And…if you really wanna up your odds of getting freaky, maybe the rest of the laundry too.