Carpe DM! Instagram Jokes That'll Have You Double Tapping And Cry Laughing

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
instagram jokes
Betsie Van der Meer/Getty

Let’s call a spade a spade: Instagram has heightened a toxic diet culture, celebrated unattainable standards of beauty, and created the influencer industrial complex. Every one of us now filters, curates, and presents an ideal version of our lives and ourselves, leading to insecurity and a hamster-wheel chase for likes. Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s give credit where credit is due: Instagram memes have become the Millennial love language, it connects people in so many positive ways, and laugh all you want but it has ignited a love of art, photography, and creativity. (See mom, it’s not all bad!)

Since Instagram is home to the funniest, most creative memes and jokes, why not go all meta and dive headfirst into a list of the best Instagram jokes from all over the internet. In the interest of your time, we went ahead and collated them for your pleasure.

RELATED: Lit Millennial Jokes That’ll Make You Spit Out Your Avocado Toast

  1. What is Instagram called in the US?


  1. Why do doctors hate popular Instagram accounts that only post in the spring?

Because they’re seasonal influencers!

  1. My gynecologist started following me on Instagram.

How much more up close and personal do they want to get?

  1. Reddit is kinda like Instagram,

Nobody cares unless you show your cake.

  1. What did the sign above an Instagram influencer’s door say?

“Carpe DM!”

  1. I got banned from Instagram for posting food pictures

Apparently, they only want to see the food “Before” you eat it, not “After.”

  1. The CIA is now on Instagram.

The least you could do is follow them back.

  1. Why did Mark Zuckerberg buy Instagram for $1 billion?

He could’ve just gotten it for free on the App Store.

  1. What do you say when an Instagram account posts a meme?

I already Reddit.

  1. Three Instagram influencers walk into a bar.

I know this because I just saw their story.

  1. Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?

Because he only had 12 followers.

  1. What is a thousand times better than Instagram?


  1. A picture of an egg on Instagram got more likes than a Kylie Jenner post.

You could say the egg beat her.

  1. Instagram is the best app for posting things that went viral on Reddit a week ago.
  2. What happened when the flu joined Instagram?

It became an influenza.

  1. I think Instagram made me sick.

I keep getting influencer after influencer.

  1. Why does Voldemort prefer Instagram over Facebook?

Because he has only followers and no friends.

  1. What is the equivalent of being a model on Instagram?

Being a millionaire in Monopoly.

  1. How many Instagram influencers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they hold the light bulb up and the world revolves around them.

  1. Give a man a fish, and he’ll Instagram it.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll still Instagram it.

  1. What if I told you that you can eat a meal, go on vacation, and take a picture without posting it on Instagram?
  2. Oh, you’re a model?

What’s your agency? Instagram?

  1. Oh, you use Instagram?

Please tell me about how you’re a professional photographer.

  1. Server: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Influencer: “I only order food based on what it’ll look like on Instagram. What do you recommend?”

  1. “Instagram: My life is a party.

Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We’re all going to die.” — @Mikel_Jollett

  1. Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.
  2. “If you’re an Instagram Influencer who doesn’t have a picture of yourself in a sea of wildflowers, can I even trust your dry shampoo recommendations? SMH.” — @ConanOBrien
  3. “If Suzie is a social media influencer with 125,000 followers and Shane is an influencer with 130,000 followers, how many checks do you have your parents write to buy 200,000 fake followers to surpass them both?” — @iamlaurenp
  4. It’s incredible how popular Instagram is in America.

Didn’t think they liked the metric system.

  1. What does an Instagram teenager do for his history report?

Lincoln bio.

  1. How do Instagram models get paid?

Per DM.

  1. I told my friends I am an Instagram model.

Unemployed just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  1. Are three followers a lot?

On Instagram? No. In a dark forest? Yes.

  1. Three Instagram influencers walk into a bar…

I know this because I just saw their story.

  1. I think Instagram made me sick.

I got a bad case of influencer.

  1. What’s the difference between Reddit and Instagram?

Reddit fills your mind with thoughts. Instagram fills your mind with likes.

  1. An Instagram influencer walks into a bar.

They were too busy taking selfies.

  1. My cousin thinks Reddit is unoriginal garbage.

It’s ironic because he runs an Instagram meme page.

  1. If you’re an Instagram influencer who doesn’t have a picture of yourself in a sea of wildflowers, can I even trust your dry shampoo recommendations? SMH.

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