'My Heart Was So Full And Then It Broke': General Hospital Actress Opens Up About Miscarriage

Actress writes blog post about her late term miscarriage

You may know Kimberly McCullough for her character ‘Robin’ on General Hospital. She began the role when she was seven years old, so many of us feel like we grew up with her. She wrote a refreshingly honest blog post to start the year, about the good and bad things 2015 brought. In it, we learn she suffered a late term miscarriage: she lost her baby at 22 weeks.

“My heart was so full and then it broke,” she writes of the experience of losing her baby girl, so far along in her pregnancy. “It was too much. I didn’t need to learn this lesson. I wasn’t interested. But I wasn’t in control. These things happen and no, I don’t believe they happen ‘for a reason.'”

Things happen for a reason. It’s one of the things people say to you when they have no idea what to say — when you’ve gone through something too terrible to make sense of with words. It’s a phrase that’s meant to be comforting, but so many times it’s not. It makes you think, “What is the reason? What have I done to deserve this?”

“I’m still processing, still healing, but anyone who has gone through it knows, losing a baby at 22 weeks is tragic,” she writes. “One thing I am proud of however was that I allowed myself to be happy and to relish the moment. I sat in all that goodness and I can recall those feelings (when I’m having different ones) and hope that it can be like that again.”

“Late miscarriages are much rarer than early miscarriages. Of all miscarriages, about one or two in 100 happen in the second trimester of pregnancy,” explains BabyCenter. At 24 weeks, loss of pregnancy is referred to as a “stillborn” birth. She shares a photo on her blog of just how much she was showing at that time. It’s truly heartbreaking.

It was a rocky year for the actress to say the least: in addition to suffering the miscarriage she also ended a relationship, lost her 13-year-old dog, and found out she had a benign cyst on her brain. But after all she’s been through, McCullough still sits in a place of gratitude — which is admirable. “I’m not sure is it’s a product of getting older or being more aware,” she writes of they way she’s dealt with the many difficult cards 2015 dealt, “but what I learned this year, is that things can turn on a dime and that its my responsibility to sit in those moments, no matter how micro they might be so that I don’t get whiplash.”

There’s no “right” way to process something terrible like losing a baby at 22 weeks. But McCullough’s words offer some hope to those who have gone through or are going through a similar situation — there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s okay to remember feeling happy about carrying your baby. It’s okay to recall those feelings and be hopeful for the future.

She ends her post,”Not to go total Oprah on you, but at the end of this year and the beginning of the next, I am grateful for it all. Tired. But grateful.”