I could have fallen asleep at any given moment in the first trimester of all my pregnancies. That meant, even with my first one, when I didn’t have any kids touching on me all the time and was able to stop, drop, and fall asleep as soon as I got home from work, my libido was nonexistent.
I literally think it got flushed down the toilet with my urine after taking that first positive pregnancy test.
I was slightly nauseous most of the time. If I wasn’t nauseous, I had the appetite of three teenage boys and needed to save my energy to eat half of a lemon pound cake and Triscuits with cream cheese.
All the nausea and eating wore me out, and when night time would come, I had nothing in my body that could muster up even the slightest bit of arousal.
However, when those first three months were over, I recall trying to slip into a sexy nightgown that was buckling across my belly to surprise my then-husband. He was coming home from work and I was as ripe as a Georgia peach.
I think he was kind of afraid of me. One minute the motion of him rubbing my knee made me want to hurl, then the next I was attacking him at the front door in a piece of lingerie which was much too small and made me look like a slab of kielbasa.
That lasted for a few months and was fun and all. But by the end of the third trimester, when I needed help getting out of bed to pee, there was no way I could think about trying to shove something else inside my body.
Those last few weeks of pregnancy were tough, and once again, our sex life was put on hold.
After repeating this cycle three times, I began to realize this was how my body worked during pregnancy. And after talking to some other girlfriends, I realized it was normal.
When we first got pregnant and my sex drive shriveled up like the uneaten produce that’s been sitting at the bottom of the fridge, I was a little depressed about it. We had always had pretty regular sex, and we had just gotten married two months prior.
Because it was my first pregnancy (and before social media), I didn’t know this could happen. I was too shy to say anything to my doctor or nurse — I figured it was just me, and there were so many other things going on with my body that caused me greater concern. (Like the blasting headaches and the varicosity throbbing on my left vagina lip.)
So, I kept it to myself.
I was pleased when my drive came back with a force. However, I’ve had a few friends who said theirs didn’t come back until after they had their baby.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but whatever your libido does during your pregnancy is normal. We forget the word “normal” has such a huge range.
Just because your neighbor and her husband had sex five times a week during her pregnancy, doesn’t mean the fact you and your partner haven’t had sex in two months because you aren’t feeling it makes you abnormal.
In the first trimester, your estrogen and progesterone levels skyrocket. This can cause things to happen to you that don’t exactly spell sexy. You are tired, your breasts are tender, and the smell of your favorite food makes you run to lean over the toilet.
Not exactly a recipe for a good humping sesh.
Then, around the second trimester, estrogen and progesterone calm down and you may have more energy. If you feel more like your old self (remember, this isn’t the case for everyone), you’ll have an increase in blood flow, especially to the fun parts like your boobs and vagina. This can make you feel more randy, and your orgasms more explosive, leaving you feeling like a horny teenager.
The point is, chances are your sex drive is going to be all over the place. And there’s a good reason — your body is busy making another human being.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you need some time to be sex-free. No one should ever have to force themselves to have sex if they don’t feel like it.
But also, if you are wanting it a few times a day — get it, Mama. If that means purchasing a vibrator to keep up with your sexual demands, by all means, click “add to cart” on that bad boy.
Don’t be hard on yourself, give yourself time, and don’t rush the process. A libido that seems hot one day and cold the next isn’t anything to worry about. Just be prepared for those hormonal fluctuations, and realize it’s going to have an effect on all your moods — including your sexy ones.