315+ NSFW Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Actually Cross The Line

They’re so bad... they’re good ;)

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
best dirty pick up lined: couple having fun

What’s cringey, funny, and tries to be an aphrodisiac without being an aphrodisiac? A dirty pick-up line, anyone? Welcome to art school, because we’re about to teach you how to become the ultimate pick-up artist. OK, kidding. These inappropriate and hilarious pick-up lines are so bad, they’re good. TBH, some are downright cheesy. But that’s just why we love ’em! In addition to being a list of the dirtiest pick-up lines ever, this is also a comprehensive list of things to never say at work, unless you’re looking to meet with HR immediately.

So, yeah, it goes without saying that most of these pick-up lines are best used on someone you already know and love.

But, why?

Because everyone deserves to be hit on, to feel wanted, and to experience a good laugh. And if you can combine all those things into the perfect line to say or text to your significant other to keep them from feeling more like a roommate, why wouldn’t you?

As a matter of fact, some would say you could even go bolder with pickup lines in a relationship. You’ve already bagged your sweetie and they know exactly how funny or unfunny, awkward or smooth, flirty or friendly you are. A raunchy pick-up line can either seal the deal on what they already know about you or garner a laugh at your attempt to try something new.

Whether you’re trying to reconnect over Skype or Zoom while separated, pretending you’re on a first date, or just trying to break the ice after a big fight, these dirty pick-up lines will hit in all the right places. Sometimes we get stuck in a slump and these naughty zingers or some dirty jokes are the perfect way to find your groove again.

Check out some of our favorites below. Why not have a pick-up contest with your partner to see who laughs first? Try and send them as a flirty text, but only if you know the person well.

Dirty Pick-Up Lines

  1. You’re so hot, my zipper is falling for you.
  2. They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?
  3. I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
  4. Are you an eco-friendly kind of girl? The condom in my pocket goes expires tomorrow, so why don’t you help me use it?
  5. Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?
  6. I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
  7. Are you an exam? Because I have been studying you like crazy.
  8. Can you tell me what time you’ll come back to my place, please?
  9. Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy.
  10. Is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hot-tea!
  11. I love my bed, but I’d rather be in yours.
  12. Your body is 70 percent water… and I’m thirsty.
  13. Are you undressing me with your eyes?!
  14. Your outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.
  15. Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
  16. I lost my keys… can I check your pants?
  17. Did you know my lips are like Skittles and you’re about to taste the rainbow?
  18. Do I have to sign for your package?
  19. I know a great way to burn off the calories in that drink.
  20. Please don’t let this go to your head, but do you want some?
  21. Are you an elevator? Because I’ll go up and down on you.
  22. You look great right now. Do you know what else would look great on you? Me!
  23. With school, I just want an A. With you, I just want to F.
  24. Did you have Lucky Charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!
  25. Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.
  26. Do you drink soda? Because you look so-da-licious.
  27. Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging you.
  28. What did you say your name was? I want to make sure I’m screaming the right name tonight.
  29. That’s a nice shirt. Can I try it on after we have sex?
  30. I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
  31. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.
  32. Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more.
  33. If you’re feeling down, I can feel you up.
  34. What is a nice person like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
  35. We were both born without clothes.
  36. I’m peanut butter. You’re jelly. Let’s have sex.
  37. I’m not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?
  38. I don’t think I want babies, but I wouldn’t mind refining my baby-making technique with you.
  39. You know what winks and then screws like a tiger? (Wink)
  40. My doctor told me I have a vitamin D deficiency. Want to go back to my place and save me?
  41. Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, but I definitely should be.
  42. Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
  43. Can you do telekinesis? Because you’ve made a part of me move without even touching it.
  44. Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.
  45. If you were a flower, you’d be a damn-delion.
  46. Let’s play Titanic. You’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.
  47. Dinner first, or can we go straight for dessert?
  48. I was feeling very off today, but then you turned me on.
  49. Does your name start with “C” because I can “C” us getting down.
  50. I’m having trouble sleeping by myself. Can you sleep with me?
  51. This might seem corny, but you’re making me horny.
  52. Want to save water by showering together?
  53. I’m an adventurer and I want to explore you.
  54. Want to go half on a baby?
  55. Do you have room for an extra tongue in your mouth?
  56. Are you a supermarket sample? Because I want to taste you again and again without any sense of shame.
  57. Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight.
  58. Don’t ever change. Just get naked.
  59. I’m just like a pore strip. Hard to get off, but extremely satisfied once you do.
  60. You are so selfish. You’re going to have that body for the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
  61. Did you send the invitation to the party between your legs by mail, or do you wanna give it to me in person?
  62. If I was the judge, I’d sentence you to my bed.
  63. Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
  64. You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
  65. Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
  66. My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
  67. Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
  68. Let only latex stand between our love.
  69. Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
  70. Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.
  71. Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?
  72. Can I borrow your lips?
  73. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m coming home with you.
  74. There must be a light switch on my forehead because every time I see you, you turn me on!
  75. So as long as we’re in the theatre… why don’t we get some play?
  76. That shirt looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I.
  77. Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
  78. I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
  79. Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s Kisses out of business.
  80. Is that a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them.
  81. Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I’ll go choo-choo.
  82. If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
  83. Baby, you’re so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
  84. Someone should call the police because you just stole my heart!
  85. Did you get those pants for 50 percent off? They’re 100 percent off at my place.
  86. Just checked my battery life, and it’s at 69%.
  87. I find your lack of nudity disturbing.
  88. Are you a raisin? Cause you’re raising my hopes for a kiss right about now.
  89. I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.
  90. I’d love to be the devil on your shoulder and the devil on your lips.
  91. Complete this sentence: “You, me, and ____.”
  92. Did you hear that new Cardi B song? Want me to sing it to you?
  93. In the words of the great Lizzo, I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% your base.
  94. I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.
  95. I’m not a dentist, but I bet I could give you a filling.
  96. Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a large bone for you to examine.
  97. Aside from being extremely sexy, what else do you do for a living?
  98. I must be a beaver because I’m dying for your wood.
  99. If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
  100. I have 206 bones in my body. Want to give me another one?
  101. Hey, do you have an inhaler? ‘Cause I heard you got that ass, ma!
  102. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
  103. I may not go down in history, but I will go down on you.
  104. Your clothes look so uncomfortable. Why don’t you let me help you take them off?
  105. I wish you were here to play ‘Simon Says’ with me… in bed.
  106. Did you sit in a pile of sugar? ‘Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!
  107. Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
  108. Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
  109. Do you have any room for an extra tongue in your mouth?
  110. Do you want to know how I got these muscles? Picking up beautiful women like yourself.
  111. I don’t like children until they are OUR children. What do you think about that?
  112. Are you a stack of dirty dishes? ‘Cause I want to spend all night taking care of you.
  113. If you’re feeling down, I can feel you up.

Smooth Pick-Up Lines

  1. Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
  2. Oh! I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  3. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but fish can fly, right?
  4. My mom said she found a beautiful and intelligent girl for me. Is that you?
  5. Are you Siri? Because you autocomplete me.
  6. Let’s save water by taking a shower together.
  7. Did you know I am good with numbers? Give me yours so I can prove it to you.
  8. Hey. I’m Mr. Right. I heard you were looking for me.
  9. I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Mine was just stolen.
  10. Hi, my name is [your name], but you can call me tonight or tomorrow.
  11. Hey. I’m doing my thesis on the finer things in life. Can I interview you?
  12. Are you a magician? Because when I look at you, everyone else disappears.
  13. I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast. Deal?
  14. Are you a volcano? Coz I lava you!
  15. How long do I have? (Huh? Until what?) Until you have to be back in heaven.
  16. Feel my shirt. It’s made of boyfriend material.
  17. Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
  18. If Disney is the happiest place on Earth, in your arms is no doubt the happiest place in the universe.
  19. Ya know, I was feeling a little off today. But you’ve turned me on.
  20. Thank god I have life insurance. Because you make my heart stop.
  21. Can you do me a favor? I need you to take down my number.
  22. You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pick-up line.
  23. If being in love was illegal, I would want to be your partner in crime.
  24. Your lips look lonely. Wanna introduce them to mine?
  25. Aside from being so gorgeous and intelligent, what are your other attributes?
  26. Did you know penguins stick to one partner their whole life? Would you like to be my penguin?
  27. Do you remember me? I’m the man of your dreams.
  28. Life without you is like a broken pencil. Pointless.
  29. Sir, I’m going to need you to step away from the bar. You’re melting all the ice.
  30. That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
  31. Was your dad a boxer? Because damn, you’re a knockout!
  32. Did you just come out of the oven? You’re too hot to handle.
  33. Wanna share your side of the bed tonight?
  34. Are you a loan? Because you are gaining my interest.
  35. If I were an octopus, all my hearts would belong to you.
  36. If you were a transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.
  37. I know we’re not socks, but we make a great pair.
  38. You must be a broom, ‘cause you just swept me off my feet.
  39. If I had to choose between winning the lottery or you…Obviously, I’d choose the money, but it’d be close. And I’d probably use a bunch of my money to woo you.
  40. Did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine? Because you look like a snack.
  41. Did your license get suspended for driving all these girls crazy?
  42. Let’s get together and be the number Pi, endless and irrational.
  43. It’s not my fault I fell in love, you’re the one that tripped.
  44. Were you a Boy Scout? You’ve tied my heart in a knot.
  45. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but I think you want to be my next boyfriend.
  46. I’m going for a walk. Would you mind holding my hand?
  47. Are you a pie? Because I’d like a piece of you.
  48. Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?

Funny Pick-Up Lines

  1. Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?
  2. Life without you is like a broken pencil… pointless.
  3. Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
  4. I’ll give up my morning cereal to spoon you instead.
  5. What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
  6. If you were a steak, you would be well done.
  7. Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
  8. Are you cake? Cause I want a piece of that.
  9. If you were a library book, I would check you out.
  10. Are you a cat because I’m feline a connection between us!
  11. If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?
  12. I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
  13. Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
  14. If you were a potato, you’d be a sweet one.
  15. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
  16. I must be in a museum because you truly are a work of art.
  17. There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you.
  18. You spend so much time in my mind, I should charge you rent.
  19. Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
  20. Do I know you from somewhere? Oh, that’s right. My dreams.
  21. Hello. Cupid called. He wants to tell you he needs my heart back.
  22. My lips are like Skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?
  23. People call me John, but you can call me tonight.
  24. Are you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die.
  25. Hey! Are you garbage? I’ll take you out!
  26. Can I give you a hug to show you how soft my sweater is?
  27. I’m so lost. I was looking for your number.
  28. Is your daddy a drug dealer? Because I think you look dope.
  29. You’re like pizza. Even when you’re bad, you’re good.
  30. I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.
  31. Do you like coffee? Because I like you a latte.
  32. If you were a transformer, you’d be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine.
  33. Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!
  34. Are you a beaver? Cause daaaaaaaaam!
  35. Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin’.
  36. Hey! My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
  37. Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.
  38. Do you like action movies? Because you’re giving me Jean Claud Van Daaaaaaaam vibes.
  39. I went to Alabama for college. Want to Roll Tide Roll with me?

Classic Pick Up Lines

  1. What’s your sign?
  2. Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date?
  3. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.
  4. Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
  5. Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
  6. I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
  7. Feel my shirt. Know what it’s made of? Wifey material.
  8. Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
  9. OMG. I was going to wear this exact same outfit tonight.
  10. Are you a magician? When I look at you everything disappears.
  11. There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.
  12. Are you religious? Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.
  13. Do you believe in love at first sight — or should I walk by again?
  14. Do you like coffee? Because I like you a latte.
  15. Can I give you a hug to show you how soft my sweater is?
  16. If a star fell from the sky every time I thought about you, then tonight the sky would be empty.
  17. Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
  18. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
  19. Are you the sun? I’m about to get a sunburn looking at you.
  20. Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
  21. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I didn’t know what perfect was until I met you.
  22. Can I follow you where you’re going right now? Because my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
  23. You look great right now. Do you know what else would look great on you? Me!
  24. You dropped something. My jaw.
  25. If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
  26. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
  27. Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest. Somebody call the cops, because it’s got to be illegal to look that good!
  28. Do you know why it doesn’t matter if there’s gravity or not? Because I’d still fall for you.
  29. I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
  30. Are you a keyboard ? Because you are my type.
  31. Do you have a map? I just got totally lost in your eyes.
  32. Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became so beautiful.
  33. Sweetness is my weakness.
  34. You know what’s the worst thing that can happen to you right now? Me not dating you.
  35. I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?
  36. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful my eyes are?
  37. If you were a steak you would be well done.
  38. You must be a broom because you swept me off my feet.
  39. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
  40. Drake would call you and I God’s Plan.
  41. Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
  42. Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
  43. Does your name start with “C” because I can C us together.
  44. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
  45. Did you just strike a match? I swear as soon as you walked in, it got lit.
  46. I’m going to make you my boyfriend for the next five minutes. Let’s see how you like it.
  47. Are you lost ma’am? Because heaven is a long way from here.
  48. “Are you a woodchuck? Because I can see your wood.”
  49. “I wish I was your phone, so you’d be on me all day.”
  50. If you were a library book, I would check you out.
  51. Your hand looks heavy. I can hold it for you!
  52. If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
  53. Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
  54. If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?
  55. I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
  56. When God made you, he was showing off.
  57. Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
  58. Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see!
  59. Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.
  60. Do I know you from somewhere? Oh, that’s right. My dreams.
  61. Can I borrow your lips?
  62. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
  63. Life without you is like a broken pencil… pointless.
  64. I’d rate you a nine because the only thing missing is me.
  65. Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
  66. Is your body from McDonald’s? Cause I’m lovin’ it!
  67. If happiness starts with “H” why does mine start with “U”?
  68. If you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple.
  69. I’ll give you a kiss. If you don’t like it, you can return it.
  70. Did you swallow magnets? Cause you’re attractive.
  71. Be careful! You might get arrested for stealing my heart.
  72. There is something wrong with my phone. Could you call it for me to see if it rings?
  73. Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
  74. Roses are red. Violets are blue. It would be a shame if I couldn’t date you.
  75. Are you craving pizza? Because I’d love to get a pizz-a you.
  76. Hug me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the earth flat?
  77. Are you a keyboard? Because you’re just my type.
  78. Do you like science? Because I got my ion you.
  79. Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together.
  80. Would you touch my hand so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
  81. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
  82. There isn’t a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
  83. You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart
  84. Can you pinch me, because you’re so fine I must be dreaming.
  85. Do you know what I would do if I was a surgeon? I’d give you my heart.
  86. I may not be a genie, but I can make all your wishes come true!
  87. Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
  88. I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.
  89. If I followed you home, would you keep me?
  90. Do you want to build a snowman? It might be hard since you’ll probably melt his heart, too.
  91. Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
  92. If you were a Transformer you’d be Optimus Fine!
  93. I’m learning about important dates in history. Wanna be one of them?

Holiday Pick-Up Lines

  1. If your upper lip is Christmas and your lower lip is Thanksgiving, can I come visit sometime in between?
  2. Is it OK if I take a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  3. Did you make Santa’s naughty list this year? You want to?
  4. Much like Santa, I also have a gift for you in my sleigh.
  5. Want to spin my dreidels?
  6. I got Hanukkah gelt in my pockets. Do you want to go get them?
  7. You’re like my menorah’s candles… getting hotter every day.
  8. Wanna go light my menorah?
  9. Is your name Clause, 'cause you got Mrs. written all over you.
  10. Is your name Winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.
  11. Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you.
  12. Are you Dracula? You looked a little thirsty when you were looking at me.
  13. Do you have a New Year’s resolution? Because I’m looking at mine right now.
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