I’m Happily Married... So Why Can’t I Stop Watching DivorceTok?

It’s become a bit of an inevitability: I’ll be scrolling social media at night, as one does, when I stumble upon a drama-filled reel about someone going through a divorce. Then the algorithm does its thing and, before I know it, I’m being served countless #DivorceTok videos. It doesn’t matter that I’m happily married — I can’t seem to scroll past one of these reels without staying tuned in until the end. Many of my friends report being served (and watching) the same things. Which begs the question: Why are happily married people obsessed with watching breakup content?

Is it similar to the way women love true crime, even if it’s not part of our lived experience? What sort of psychological component compels us to watch enough of these reels for them to pepper our FYPs? To get to the bottom of this mystery, I reached out to a bevy of experts. Here’s what they had to say about the allure of DivorceTok, and when watching these videos may be a sign of something bigger in your own relationship.

The Hook of DivorceTok

According to trauma-informed therapist Dr. Greg Gomez, divorce or breakup content online scratches an itch in the same way other dramatic content does. “The DivorceTok trend is so addictive because it is emotionally charged content. It's like reality TV. It’s the same type of thing that drives people to watch shows like Love Island. We want to see what’s going to happen. Will the couple reconcile?” he says.

In other words, it’s kind of like reality TV in bite-sized form. It’s got that cliffhanger quality many of us simply can’t resist. And, of course, our algorithms amplify that fascination: Once you watch one, you’re pulled into an endless scroll.

But then there’s also a certain parasocial intimacy aspect at play, where you feel like someone out there trusts you with their innermost feelings.

Explains licensed clinical social worker Josh Sprung, clinical director at Southeast Addiction, “TikTok and Instagram reels often feel intimate, like someone is confiding in you. This fosters parasocial relationships, one-sided emotional bonds that make you invested in strangers’ lives. Seeing someone cry, vent, or share raw details triggers empathy circuits, pulling you deeper into their narrative.”

At a time in the world where connection can so often feel out of reach, the pull of these parasocial relationships can be pretty powerful.

The Psychology Behind It

There’s actually a lot of psychology at play here. For starters, breakup content — even when the person watching isn’t going through a breakup — is relatively universal.

“Divorce and breakup content on TikTok or other social media platforms is compelling because it taps into universal fears and curiosities about love, loss, and resilience,” says Kimberly Miller, family law attorney, licensed marriage and family therapist, and founder of divorce-planning platform PartWise. “Viewers get a raw and potentially relatable look at how others cope with one of life’s hardest transitions.”

Plus, Miller points out, pretty much everyone knows someone who has gone through or is going through this type of transition.

“Divorce and breakup content on TikTok or other social media platforms is compelling because it taps into universal fears and curiosities about love, loss, and resilience.”

That relatability amps up our fascination with divorce and breakup content, especially when you consider how our brains approach fear and readiness. “On one level, it offers the same pull as true crime or reality TV: a safe way to experience conflict, intensity, and high emotion without real-life consequences,” says licensed relationship and intimacy expert Dr. Viviana Coles.

“We’re wired to pay attention to stories of threat or loss,” she elaborates, “so when TikTok serves us messy divorces or emotional breakups, our brains light up with curiosity and even relief that it isn’t happening to us.”

Sprung agrees, noting that it’s all part of our natural curiosity and social learning. “Like visceral rehearsal, our brains file away other people’s stories as reference points for our own relationships,” he says, adding that negative events also tend to be more attention-grabbing than positive ones. “Content about heartbreak, betrayal, or divorce taps into primal fears of loss and rejection, stimulating the ‘threat-detection’ part of the brain, making it harder to look away.”

What It Reflects Back On Us

Zooming out, what else does this behavior say about us? Could part of it be that we just like peering behind the curtain into other people’s lives?

Well, yeah, says Coles.

“There’s also an element of voyeurism and, yes, schadenfreude [enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others] — witnessing others’ struggles can validate that our own relationship isn’t ‘that bad’ or even remind us of how grateful we are for our partner,” Coles says.

Sprung describes it as a perfect storm of social media and comparison culture, explaining, “Algorithms, voyeurism, and schadenfreude are all fuel that turn relationship/divorce content into binge-worthy material, even for people who aren’t living it. Algorithms supply a steady stream of emotionally intense breakup stories, voyeurism pulls us in (the thrill of watching private drama unfold), and schadenfreude rewards us psychologically (relief, superiority, even a sense of gratitude).”

Helpful vs. Hurtful

When you look at the whole picture — the psychology, the culture, the curiosity — you may notice that there are both pros and cons to consuming this kind of content.

On one side, it could be beneficial “relationship rehearsal” material. Through social learning, we can absorb others’ mistakes or strategies and file them away for future reference. “The perspectives and insights we gain by witnessing other people’s experiences could help us identify patterns in our own relationships and make better decisions,” suggests Angie Reyes, relationship expert at Wiselaw. “Witnessing other people’s experiences could increase our self-awareness, bringing our minds to the need to communicate, empathize more, and even validate our partners more, which could lead to a healthier relationship.”

On the other side, we’ve all seen how social media can very easily contribute to distorted expectations.

“I will caution people that watching this type of content can have an effect on their own mental health and their relationships,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Nari Jeter. “We must remember that one person’s experience isn’t always the norm. And just because your partner has some quirks or flaws, it doesn’t mean you should leave them.”

It’s especially important to keep this in mind when you come across trendy or buzzy relationship terms on DivorceTok, like narcissism.

“There is a fair amount of popular psychology terms being developed (and misused) at a rapid pace on social media,” underscores Jeter. “As with any media we consume, I think a fair amount of critical thinking should be applied. And if you’re questioning your relationship based on what you see on social media, that might be a sign to seek the help of a therapist to help you navigate your concerns.”

After all, just because your partner is selfish from time to time doesn’t necessarily mean they are a narcissist or that your marriage is doomed. But when you hear that narrative constantly on social media, you may start seeing “narcissism” everywhere.

“The perspectives and insights we gain by witnessing other people’s experiences could help us identify patterns in our own relationships and make better decisions.”

Just remember: Not every viral story is universal, and one person’s experience isn’t the rule. But if you see a behavior in a reel that others have labeled problematic, and it’s something you didn’t realize could be creating a problem in your own relationship, flag it with a pro who can help you navigate the implications.

Scroll, But Scroll Smart

Knowing all of this, will I keep binge-watching DivorceTok videos? Probably. I mean, judging by my equally avid true-crime consumption, maybe the “threat detection” portion of my brain is just especially active. Regardless, it’s interesting to understand why it all strikes us as so compelling. Like true crime, it’s a safe way to brush up against our deepest fears without getting hurt (and possibly even helping us to avoid a similar fate).

The real power, it would seem, is in how we choose to process what we watch. So, sure, I’ll keep on DivorceTok doomscrolling… with my spouse chilling in the bed right beside me, grateful that we’re watching someone else’s drama as opposed to starring in it.