What Not To Say To A Friend Going Through A Divorce. Say This Instead.

by Eva Benmeleh
Originally Published: 
A lady sitting on the couch comforting her friend going through a divorce
Milkos / Getty

Here are a few things not to say to a person going through divorce:

1. “You can always remarry him.”

Like I want to go back to the same person who has a direct link to my grief and suffering all of this time?

2. “I know of so-and-so who divorced and remarried five times!”

I guess their lawyers solidified their retirement fund with that couple.

3. “But look at Grandma. She divorced and later married your step-grandfather.”

Yes, and they didn’t seem so happy during much of their marriage. Growing up, I dedicated the song With or without you by U2 to them. Great example.

4. “At least you have kids. Some people going through divorce don’t have kids at your age.”

Yes, point taken. I wouldn’t trade them in for anything in life. Although, much of my grief has been about the automatic thought of having failed my kids for not being able to work it out with their father. Most of the drama around divorce has been about time sharing and coming to terms with being a “good enough mom” to my children who I see half the time.

You can say this instead:

1. “Focus on you.”

Don’t spend your time worrying about the ex. Bring back the energy to you. What do you need? How can you find your peace? How can you manifest success? SO HARD TO DO! Especially when you’ve dedicated your time to “fixing” him and fixing the relationship.

2. “The kids will be alright.”

If you focus on you. Kids rely on a strong mom. A strong mom is one who harnesses her chi. Who focuses on her self-care before caring for everyone else.

3. “This is hard. You will go from one emotional point to the next of happiness and self-confidence to self-loathing, doubt, and despair.”

That’s not the point though, right? But even though you go through it, read carefully — you are going through it, getting past it. Every day a bit stronger, a bit jaded sometimes, but with more wisdom.

4. “Reach out for support.”

Trust in the friends and family who stick by you and who are there for you. You’ll realize some people, even the ones you confided in at first, are quick to turn their backs on you or to gossip about you. This is a learning experience to realize who your real support is.

Not everyone can handle what you are going through. It’s okay, let them go. You will meet other people who are genuinely there for you and can support you though this process.

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