This Is What It Means To Find 'Your Person'

by Jennifer Douglas
Originally Published: 
Two women hugging because they have found each other as great friends
Hian Oliveira / Unsplash

Having friends is a beautiful thing. As we mature through life, having a handful of close friends, especially mom friends, is an even bigger fortune. But if you’re lucky enough to have a Person, you’ve won the lottery.

As a Day 1 fan of Grey’s Anatomy, I’m pretty sure the term “My Person” was coined from the unconditional friendship shared by two of the show’s original characters. If you curl up to Netflix to the Good Old Grey’s seasons, you’ll witness the hit TV drama’s rollercoaster of life, love, medicine, and hardship with the unwavering bond shared by Meredith and Cristina. If you are lucky enough to have a Person, you don’t have to be an intern, medical resident, doctor, or surgeon to understand what it means. You know you’ve struck gold.

Growing up, having a Person meant shared adventures in more carefree days. It meant weeks spent at camp together and nights spent together around a bonfire. It was days spent at an amusement park, followed by rides to the 7-11 to chug Slurpees. It was cracking inside jokes and laughing so hard your insides hurt because your Person understood your sense of humor better than anyone else. It was adopting your Person’s family as your own, because you spent so much time together you were officially family. It was making plans to spend your days in an old age home together because you just knew this friendship was going to last forever.

As you entered adolescence, life started to get complicated. You and your Person found out what it truly meant to have each other’s backs. You experienced the challenges of balancing school, life, and extracurricular activities together. You each got your drivers’ license and were finally able to explore the freedom of road trips together. You saw each other through first love and devastating heartbreaks. You started to develop hopes, dreams, and goals for the future. Those dreams and goals might have involved leaving your Person for a different state or Country, but your Person stood behind you and supported you unconditionally because your happiness was always as important as their own.

By college, it didn’t matter if you existed in a different geography 3,000 miles apart – because you and your Person were still together. You leaned on each other through the whirlwind of new experiences. You were always only a phone call or letter away. You probably made some bad decisions, but rather than judge you for them, your Person would support you unconditionally, because all that mattered to them was that you were okay. Sometimes you made bad decisions together – and many of those bad decisions still make good stories to this day. You continued to support each other through loves and heartbreaks. You gave each other gentle shit when it was needed because your Person cared enough about you to be honest without judgment.

By adulthood, chances are, you and your Person supported each other through the unimaginable grief of losing a family member. Your Person dropped everything they were doing to comfort you and your family and wished with every fiber of their being that there was something they could do to make it all go away. Your grief became your Person’s grief, because it shattered them to see your pain. Your Person still raised a glass or six with you to honor your beloved family member, and they still remember to share the stories and memories of your loved one to this day.

At your wedding, chances are strong you didn’t walk down the aisle without your Person first making sure you were truly, genuinely happy. In fact, had you not chosen the right partner, your Person wouldn’t have let you go through with a wedding without a good talking to because, remember – your happiness is as important as their own. If you did choose the right partner, your Person was never more happy for you in their life. Your Person knew that even though you were married, you would still always be each other’s Person, and you were thrilled they found the incredible life partner they deserved.

You and your Person both decided to start families around the same time, and without talking about it, you knew your kids would somehow end up being each other’s Person one day, too. The path to starting a family may not have been easy. You and your Person supported each other through the heartbreak of miscarriage. You got through it together. You both became pregnant again. If you were truly fortunate, you got to be pregnant at the same time. You were brutally honest with each other about the challenges of pregnancy, and for the 1,000,000th time in your life, you were thankful to have your Person by your side so you could share your uncensored feelings with one another.

When your babies arrived, you and your Person navigated the complicated journey of motherhood together. It wasn’t easy. In fact, with motherhood, you and your Person realized that you had just taken on the most difficult and rewarding job in the world. You each discovered that there was an entirely new emotional spectrum of high highs and low lows – and you found the strength to see each other through the low lows. You were again able to confide your most hidden thoughts, without an ounce of judgement from your Person. They were always there to lift you up. And even though your babies or parenting styles may not have been exactly alike, you and your Person still stood by each other with the same unwavering support that you had as kids.

You and your Person have been through a lot together. Your babies have turned into toddlers, and now preschoolers. You are watching the years go by together, wishing there was more time to spend with each other. Life has gotten busy, and you can sometimes go days or even weeks without talking to your Person. But that doesn’t change a thing about your relationship. You still have a lot of life to live, and your Person will always be a part of your plan from near or far.

It is said that the best of friends are not just the ones that stick with you and support you through tough times, when life is at it’s most challenging. If you have a Person, they will do all of that, but they will also take sincere delight in your victories, your successes, and your happiness. When life is going well, your Person will be your number one fan. There are no jealousies, no resentments. There is only support. Your Person will be there for you unconditionally, and they will accept you as a package – wonderful qualities, flaws, and all.

If any of this resonates, it means you’re one of the lottery winners who has a Person. I don’t know what I did in this life to deserve to have such a wonderful Person, but I hope that I am even half of the Person to her that she is to me. The only thing I would change about my Person, if I could, would be to move her family closer to mine so we could see each other more often. I smile, however, to think that our plan of living in the same old age home has not changed a bit.

*Dedicated to my Person (and your Person too)

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