Sensual Scalp Massage Is The New Foreplay, According To Sex Experts

The world feels more divided than perhaps it ever has, but I think we can all still agree on one simple truth: It feels really freaking good when someone plays with your hair. The best part of the haircut is that scalp massage at the bowl. Your partner idly combing their fingers through your hair while you watch a movie — hnnnnng. So maybe it comes as no surprise that your scalp can actually be considered an erogenous zone, according to sex experts. So, if you know your partner loves a good head rub, here’s how you can work that into your intimate arsenal.

According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, an erogenous zone is “any part of the body that elicits sexual arousal when touched.” Of course, most of us immediately think of the usual erogenous zones, but anywhere that a gentle graze, scratch, kiss, or bite gets your engine revving also counts. Because the scalp is so densely populated with nerve endings (like those other body parts your mind first jumped to), yes, a scalp massage can easily become quite the turn-on.

For the record, this doesn’t mean every scalp scratch has to be sexual; it’s just a new area of the body with untapped potential. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s nice to be reminded of these low-lift but fresh new ways to turn each other on.

“A typical scalp massage is usually associated with relaxation, while a sensual massage is slower and more deliberate. You’re paying attention not just to what you’re doing, but also to how your partner is responding to it. And sensual doesn’t necessarily mean sexual. Sometimes we forget there’s a whole world of touch between ‘friendly’ and ‘let’s have sex,’” says Angie Rowntree, ABS, board-certified sexologist and founder and filmmaker behind the award-winning ethical adult film site Sssh.com.

The Benefits Of Sensual Scalp Massage

Well there’s the obvious: They feel fantastic. Scalp massages can be a form of foreplay, or a way to show your partner some love.

“There’s something very intimate about having someone play with your hair or massage your scalp. It’s nurturing, it’s pleasurable, and it asks absolutely nothing of you except to enjoy it. I think that may be part of why people are so drawn to it. We’re constantly stimulated, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re connected,” Rowntree says. “We’re on our phones, answering emails, scrolling, watching TV while scrolling some more, and then someone gives you 10 minutes of their complete attention? That feels different.”

A lil’ head rub can also be a great way to add more touch that doesn’t lead to sex into your relationship. Making space for intimacy outside the bedroom fuels your connection.

“I think people are becoming much more comfortable with the idea that pleasure doesn’t always have to be about sex or orgasm. Sometimes pleasure is having someone run their fingers through your hair while you lie there and do absolutely nothing,” she adds.

How To Give A Grade-A Scalp Massage

Here’s how to give one of those hair salon-quality, groan-inducing scalp massages, according to Rowntree:

• Keep movements slow. “Use the pads of your fingers and start around the hairline or temples, making slow circles and gradually moving across the scalp. Run your fingers through their hair, trace around the ears. Don’t forget the base of the skull and the back of the neck.”
• Change things up. “A little more pressure, then lighter touch. Massage for a while and then simply let your hands rest there for a few seconds before starting again. Build anticipation.”
• Pay attention to your partner’s reactions. If they lean into your hand, their shoulders relax, their breathing changes, or you get that little ‘mmm,’ you’ve probably found a spot they like. Stay there.
• Ask your partner what they like throughout. More or less pressure? Fingernails or fingertips? Slow circles or more combing of the hair? “Checking in does matter,” she says.

Finally, offer scalp massages (or request them) outside of trying to initiate sex. “When people don’t feel as though there’s an expectation attached to the touch, they’re often able to relax and enjoy all the sensations. And, of course, sometimes relaxing into it leads somewhere else,” says Rowntree.