She’s Not “Dramatic.” She’s Just Tired Of Everyone’s Sh*t.

“It’s not that big of a deal.” “You’re overreacting.” “Stop being so dramatic.” Ask any group of women, and the majority would likely tell you they've heard some version of this phrase in their lives. A man I once worked with said it to me right after I stood up for my overworked and underpaid team. He made a stupid, flippant comment during a meeting that just pushed me over the edge. I pushed back, and well, you can see where this is going. I was clearly being too dramatic.

This experience obviously isn't unique to me. Dare I say, it’s a tale as old as time: When women express strong emotions, being labeled dramatic usually isn't far behind. (Leslie Mann’s character in This Is 40 could be a case study.) But, as Lisa Franks, licensed clinical social worker and founder of Journey to Wellness Counseling, points out, “Calling a woman ‘dramatic’ often says more about society’s discomfort with women’s full emotional range than about the woman herself.”

There’s a lot going on beneath the surface of the tired old “you’re so dramatic” aspersion, from cultural conditioning to chronic overstimulation. As someone who is over the idea of people using this copout on women, I asked experts for their insights into this annoyingly persistent trope.

Let’s get into it.

Why Women Are Disproportionately Labeled “Dramatic”

Think about it: How often do you hear a man referred to as dramatic? The role of gender norms and cultural conditioning in dismissing women’s emotions cannot be understated here.

“Cultural conditioning tells women, especially mothers, that they are supposed to be patient, nurturing, endlessly giving. When women deviate from the script by showing anger, frustration, or exhaustion, it clashes with this idolized mother/woman role. Instead of being recognized as legitimate emotions, these emotions get reframed as dramatic or irrational,” explains Dr. Carolina Estevez, psychologist at Soba New Jersey.

This type of attribution bias significantly influences how women’s emotions are perceived.

“A man’s stress is often attributed to external, situational pressures, whereas a woman’s stress is more likely attributed to her personality (‘work is tough’ vs. ‘she’s dramatic’). People also tend to minimize women’s negative emotions while amplifying their positive ones (‘she’s so nurturing,’ but when she’s upset, she’s ‘being too much’),” elaborates Estevez.

“Calling a woman ‘dramatic’ often says more about society’s discomfort with women’s full emotional range than about the woman herself.” — Lisa Franks, social worker

Attribution bias goes hand-in-hand with emotional double standards. So, where men’s anger is viewed as strength, stress is a sign of responsibility, and sadness is rare and therefore must be valid and serious. On the other hand, a woman’s anger equates to hysteria, stress to overreaction, and sadness to weakness.

“This reflects what psychologists often call the role of congruity theory,” says Estevez. “When women behave in ways that don’t fit cultural expectations, they are penalized more harshly than men.”

And let’s not forget there’s also historical conditioning at play here: “The concept of hysteria framed women’s emotions as a medical pathology for centuries,” she reminds us. “Even though we’ve moved past diagnosing hysteria, the cultural residue remains.”

What’s Actually Happening (AKA, Why We “Lose It”)

Although it may seem like what finally sets us off is something small and relatively inconsequential, the truth is that “tiny thing” is typically the tip of the iceberg.

“When a mom ‘loses it,’ it’s rarely just about whatever (often seemingly small) exchange happened in the moment. It’s about frustration, resentment, exhaustion, and burnout that may have been building up for days, weeks, or even months,” says Victoria Murray, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who specializes in helping women and moms struggling with anxiety, people-pleasing, and perfectionism.

“Women are trained from a very young age to minimize their needs for the benefit of everyone around them,” she says. “Doing this over and over and over again, while taking on more tasks and responsibilities for everyone else in the family, eventually leads to episodes of ‘mom rage,’ ‘losing it,’ or ‘dramatic’ outbursts.”

And let’s be so for real: Minimizing our needs isn’t the only thing we’re doing over and over again. That repetition is really emblematic of asking for our needs to be met repeatedly — and not getting the help we’ve basically been begging for.

“By the time a woman ‘loses it,’ she has often calmly expressed her needs or frustrations multiple times. Because those earlier, quieter requests went unheard, what finally comes out looks ‘big’... and gets labeled as overreacting,” says family therapist, parenting coach, and mental health expert Tessa Stuckey.

“What looks like a meltdown is often the result of dozens of ignored needs, repeated reminders, and unshared responsibilities. Moms often try to communicate calmly at first, but when those messages don’t land, the emotions escalate out of sheer frustration,” Stuckey shares. “When her partner can’t or doesn’t step in, she’s left juggling everything — which compounds the sense of being unseen and unsupported. Think of it like a pressure cooker: The ‘big reaction’ isn’t disproportionate; it’s proportional to everything that’s been building beneath the surface.”

That buildup of overstimulation, coupled with unmet needs and suppressed emotions, actually wreaks havoc on our bodies and brains.

Explains Franks, “The demands of caregiving, household, work responsibilities, and social expectations create cognitive and emotional overload. Sleep deprivation and the mental load of planning and anticipating for others all tax the brain’s ability to regulate mood and stress. This is less about personality and more about neurobiology: Chronic stress can dysregulate the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, increasing reactivity and reducing emotional understanding.”

Hm, will you look at that? It’s more than just mood swings after all. Or, as Estevez puts it, “The outburst is a signal of overload, not overreaction.”

How to Prevent the Pressure Cooker from Boiling Over

Obviously, none of us like being called “dramatic” or “hysterical” or “too much.” It’s not like we want to “lose it,” either. And while, sure, it’s going to happen occasionally, there’s gotta be a way to reframe all of this so it’s not a regular refrain, right? (Right?!)

According to the experts, it starts with crystal-clear communication. “A lot of times, we expect others in our lives to read our minds, thinking, How could they not see that I’m totally underwater? Isn’t it obvious? But the reality is, women are often quite good at hiding when their patience is wearing thin — we’ve been trained to do so,” points out Murray.

But we shouldn’t feel bad about expressing our needs and boundaries before we get so burnt out that we boil over. When you see the warning signs of that, says Murray, “that’s the perfect time to communicate to your partner, ‘I’m feeling really overwhelmed,’ or ‘I think I have too much on my plate right now.’ And try to identify and ask for concrete ways that they can support you; they won’t know what you need unless you tell them.”

“The outburst is a signal of overload, not overreaction.” — Dr. Carolina Estevez, psychologist

Of course, it can feel a little frustrating to have to spell it out for men, considering you, as a woman and mom, constantly anticipate the needs of others and act on those needs without provocation or prompting.

However, many men are hard-wired to be fixers, not feelers. Getting through to them means really breaking it down in clear, concise, actionable terms.

To this end, Eudy recommends:

• Expressing your needs specifically, i.e., “I need 30 minutes alone” vs. “I need help.”
• Communicating without blame, i.e., “I’m overwhelmed” vs. “You never help.”
• Prioritizing self-care (“No, REALLY!”)
• Letting go of control and allowing others to help, even if they don’t do things exactly as you would

Stuckey adds that one of the best ways to advocate for yourself and for better support is to normalize asking for help. “Model this behavior openly for your kids and community, breaking the cycle of silent suffering,” she says, encouraging you to seek out safe spaces. “Talk to friends, therapists, or supportive communities who won’t minimize your feelings.”

Eudy underscores that, ultimately, we need to know the way we’re feeling and responding is totally valid.

“Recognize that overwhelm is a natural response to impossible circumstances. The 2024 Surgeon General declared parental stress a public health crisis, validating what mothers have long experienced,” she emphasizes. “Your exhaustion and frustration aren’t character flaws; they’re predictable responses to a system that demands superhuman performance with minimal support.”

So, yeah… you’re not being “dramatic.” You’re just tired of everyone’s sh*t — and you have every right to be.