A Mom Discovered That When She Stopped Sending Holiday Cards, She Stopped Getting Them, Too

We all know that if you want to receive, you’ve got to give, too. And that seems to be the case with holiday cards.

A Threads post got heated this week when one mom explained that as soon as she stopped sending out Christmas cards, she stopped getting them, too. She realized, disappointed, that she must only be getting holiday cards from a significant number of people because she sent them a card first.

“When I stopped sending Christmas cards, the effect was immediate,” she wrote. “We received less than half the holiday cards we normally received that very same Christmas. Since then it has dwindled to about half a dozen cards. I realized people were sending cards because I had sent them cards and then stopped when I stopped. It was a bit strange to me because I sent everyone on my mailing list a card, many of which had never sent a card.”

In a series of follow-up threads, she lamented that she used to love the holiday card process, but now things are different.

“I used to love everything about sending holiday cards,” she writes. “Taking photos of my kid, designing the card, handwriting a personal message, addressing the envelopes by hand and sealing it with a gold sticker, and attaching the return address label I had also designed. I chose special holiday stamps from the post office too. I loved carrying them in a huge stack and putting them in the box. I smiled at the thought of spreading holiday cheer, of making someone feel excited that the red envelope they were about to open wasn’t a bill or advertisement.”

But now things have changed.

“I wish I could rekindle the practice of sending holiday cards,” she explains. “But it’s hard to put effort into something that will be thrown away. I have no time, no energy, no help, and no desire to spend money on something that is not valued anymore. But I do cherish the handful of cards I receive every year knowing the effort that goes into it and maybe one day when I’m retired I can start sending holiday cards again.”

Did the poster do the right thing by giving up the practice (and therefore giving up many of her friends’ cards)? The comments shared a wide variety of hot takes on Christmas cards.

Many people shared that they loved making and getting cards, no matter what.

“We send a card, we get comparatively few back (about 1/15 what we send), but we stick with it because we don’t want it to be transactional like you mention discovering it was for a lot of people,” wrote one person.

“My 93 year old Mom still sends Xmas cards to family (mainly my cousins now), friends, and members of her congregation. Never once has she complained about getting less in return,” another wrote. “She just loves sending and writing notes inside. I buy her a large box of cards and Forever stamps every year for her birthday. 🎄 📬”

“I send over 100 each year,” another shared. “Not the printed family postcard type—the old fashioned Christmas greeting card, with a personalized message for everyone. It’s my love language. I get about 30 each year back, and to me, that’s ok! I don’t do it to receive, I do it because the whole act warms my heart and my spirit.”

“I send cards with no expectation of getting one in return,” another said simply.

But not everyone had such a positive attitude about holiday cards.

“When I realized I wasn’t on anyone’s og list, just a return list, I stopped for a few years 😅 hurt my feelings, ngl,” one person shared.

“Thanks for this post. I have felt the same. My number of sent cards has decreased drastically. Each year I want to send less because I receive less,” another said.

“I decided last year to give it up. I send a handful of cards to a few family members and then call it good. I also feel like we were just getting cards because I sent cards and that feels performative and not actually connecting.”

But perhaps one person summed it up best:

“My Dad was a mailman, he used to say ‘if you want a letter, send a letter.’”

Well said!