Summer Sex Drive Dip: Is The Heat Affecting Your Libido?
There are a few reasons why you might not feel as in-the-mood during the summer.
Summer always feels like a season full of potential and possibilities, especially when it comes to romance. Whether you've been with a partner for decades or are looking to find a new love this summer, there's something about this time of year that just screams sexy. Until, well, you don't feel so sexy. A summer sex drive dip is nothing really to worry about, but it can help to figure out what's happening this season that has you feeling a little less amorous or in-the-mood than you maybe were in the spring or winter. I mean, you're showing more skin, you're spending longer days and nights out in the sun, you're full-on frolicking on the beach... and yet. Something's stopping you from wanting to turn your summer day outing into a full-on summer-themed romance novel.
That something could just be the heat.
"When most people feel hot and sweaty, they start to get cranky and uninterested in physical touch or closeness," Julia Fogelson, a certified sex therapist (CST) through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), tells Scary Mommy. "This is especially true for people not used to hot climates. This is a pretty normal reaction as your body is likely prioritizing cooling down as opposed to heating up. In this instance, you're hot and bothered in the wrong way. When we're sweating, we get an increase in cortisol being released. This is our stress hormone and can make it difficult to have sex when it is at high levels in our body, particularly if you're hot and dehydrated. Think about it like this: If you're hot, you're likely stressed, and this is a libido killer all by itself."
Which could explain why, on a toasty beach day or a stuffy day at home, the last thing you want to do is press yourself up against a partner.
Heat can also cause some actual physical changes that could affect your libido beyond sweat, including poor sleep, shares urologist Dr. Martina Ambardjieva: "Excessive heat can lead to fatigue, dehydration, and discomfort, which can reduce arousal and performance. High temperatures also decrease sleep quality, indirectly affecting libido through hormonal shifts, especially testosterone."
But what about when you're not feeling especially bothered by the heat? Is there just something in the summer air that tanks your sex drive?
Well, if you're at home dealing with camp pick-ups and kids yelling, "I'm bored!" and popsicles for breakfast, it's time to be honest, babe — your summer sex drive dip may be because your kids are all up in your business.
"Kids being home for the summer cuts down your alone time to mere moments, which is sometimes difficult to work with, especially if you have to switch from parent mode to partner mode at the drop of a hat," Fogelson says. "Parenting, being a whole different topic on affecting libido, comes with emotional and physical exhaustion, which certainly kills the mood."
And maybe you're on vacation, hoping a little time spent in the sun and sand will spark something between you and your partner. But Fogelson's not to stress if you're still not feeling that "summer lovin', had me a blast" vibe while on vacation.
"Sex on vacation is glamorized way too much," she says. "You're in a new environment, it's hot, and you might have spent all day walking around or doing activities. Sometimes the last thing on your mind is a sweaty sex session. I always tell my clients to lower their expectations, as it can sometimes put unnecessary pressure on the whole thing. I'm not saying don't pack the sexy outfits, but maybe just the one, depending on how long you're staying. Go in with the attitude, 'if it doesn't happen, that's OK,' and in most cases, it usually does."
Ambardjieva also suggests trying to time sex for when you guys are feeling at your best, like early mornings or cooler evenings, "when energy and mood are higher." She recommends turning on extra fans, upping the AC, or even going for sex in the shower with some cool water. (This could be especially fun if you're at a beach house with an outdoor shower.) Time it right: Aim for mornings or cooler evenings, when energy and mood are higher. But she also recommends letting go of any performance pressure, and remembering that emotional intimacy and spontaneous affection can "go a long way in re-sparking libido."
But please, don't fret about your summer sex drive dip. "As you get older, spontaneously tearing each other's clothes off becomes a lot less frequent, especially in the heat, and that's totally normal," Fogelson says.
If you want to up your summer sex drive, she suggests building tension throughout the day with your partner. "Try to make a physical connection with your partner; eye contact, light touch, and suggestive glances can help to foreshadow and put you both on the same page for when you get a moment together. Instead of getting 15 minutes to yourself, half of which is spent getting your partner's attention."
