Why Making Time For Sex Is A Priority For Me

by Brandi Jeter Riley
Originally Published: 

I’ve never been shy about expressing how attracted I am to my husband. Everything about him turns me on, and has since the first day I met him. After a year of celibacy before we got married, we were ready to consummate all day every day.

As a newlywed, I assumed that would last forever, especially since he and I are so sexually compatible. I was wrong.

I was shocked to discover that all day sexcapades were not the norm in marriage. After about a year, without even noticing at first, things started to slow down. It’s not because the thrill was gone or the sex wasn’t good anymore. We just stopped thinking about it and it became too much a part of our routine. Things changed. Our lives got busier, and as we were looking for ways to save time and be more efficient, sex accidentally got cut out.

It wasn’t until one day when I couldn’t remember the last time we’d slept together that I knew something had to change. I went to talk to my husband and asked if he realized we hadn’t had sex in forever. Of course, he knew. Being the good husband that he is, though, he didn’t want to bother me or make me feel pressured when he knew I had so much going on. But he definitely knew.

I felt terrible. Sure, we had a lot going on between raising our daughter and career changes and all of that. Still, that wasn’t an excuse. Intimacy is a big factor in most marriages. In fact, 61% of married people surveyed said that a satisfying sexual relationship was the key to a lasting marriage.

There are so many reasons that sex can get pushed to the back burner. When you have kids to take care of, jobs to maintain, and a house and bills to keep up with, it seems like the easiest thing to let go of. That is, of course, until the resentment kicks in. Or the feeling of being disconnected. Or damn, just plain horniness.

That’s when the problems start, and I don’t want any part of that. And the truth is, I want sex too. Even when I’m tired, I never regret pushing through being tired to have sex. Every single time I think I’m not in the mood, as soon as we get started, I’m totally into it.

I know that’s not true for everyone. There are a lot of reasons that you might not want to have sex. I faced some body image issues after having my baby that made me not feel attractive. There are health issues that diminish libido, or maybe you’re dealing with emotional problems and sex is the last thing you’re thinking about. All of that is understandable. For me, none of that was an issue. I just wasn’t thinking about it, and it (gosh, I hate to admit this) simply slipped my mind.

Making time for sex is a priority for me now. I may be a little more heavy-handed than some folks in my approach to intimacy with my husband. Yes, I mark on a calendar whenever we have sex. I’m completely intentional about making sure we don’t go too long in between our romps. Because of the nature of our busy lives, I finally accepted that sex, like all of the other things we do in our life, needs to be scheduled and planned for. While we still have spontaneous moments of lovemaking, if we relied on those for our fix, we’d be having sex once a month. If that.

When something is important to you, you do what you have to do to make it work. Loving and being loved physically by my husband is a priority in my life. Putting alerts in my phone to remind me to connect intimately with my husband works for me.

And I haven’t received any complaints from him either.

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