When you first met the person you are partnered with now, I bet things were hot and heavy, weren’t they? You got it on like rabbits and it was absolutely delicious — but it was also fleeting.
A new partner is fun and exciting; your juices flow like they have never flown before. (Literally.) And then you fall in love and settle down. You buy a house, get married have some kids. And things…well, they change.
And guess what? You change too. You get comfortable with each other. You are exhausted AF, and let’s face it, adulting can kind of be a cock-blocker with its bills and responsibilities and such.
But that’s okay. No one really says that, but it’s true. Some women are left with a low libido and feeling of shame because there is outside and inside pressure to please your man. And that’s straight-up bullshit.
I’m sick of the jokes people make about how these “poor husbands are sex-starved.” And men saying women “turn cold” on them. In fact, I’ve heard men say they were “tricked” and felt they were led to believe they were going to get it a few times a day for the rest of their life because that’s how their wife was in the beginning of their relationship.
Men are not “owed” sex by anyone, not even their wife. The last time I checked, our bodies were our own, and if we aren’t in the mood to have a penis poking around in there, we are allowed to say it.
It doesn’t make us cold or boring; it makes us autonomous humans.
For too long, there has been a lot of emphasis put on pleasing men. Women have been told for centuries they best keep their man happy (by giving their body away when they don’t want to), or someone else will.
Men can have a higher sex drive than women, we get it. Big fucking deal. They have a hand and can find a closed door, and they should. There should never be blame placed on a woman because her husband isn’t getting all the sex he wants. We’re made to feel like we should woman up and just do it already, but who wants to have sex because they feel they should?
Women want to want to be in the mood, too. And hopefully our partners would rather have us be in the mood than just going through the motions to satisfy them. You know what doesn’t put women in the mood? Constantly being told they aren’t as sexual as they used to be, whining, complaining, and dumbass comments about sexual wants and needs in order to function.
Having kids and a job can squeeze every ounce of sexual desire out of us on some days. Not to mention health issues and medications that can mess with a woman’s libido. Being a mom can change our sex drive drastically, because let’s face it, moms are groped more, asked for more, and required to nurture more. Moms are touched the fuck out.
No one wants to be in a sexless partnership. But no one should be made to feel like they owe their body to anyone. EVER.
It’s more than okay to say no to your partner, and women need to stop being shamed for this. The jokes need to stop, and feeling like we should “just do it” to keep our partner happy is unacceptable.
Married or not, sex still needs to happen between two consenting people, and if she’s not in the mood and doesn’t want to be touched, she’s not consenting and should feel comfortable saying as much without shame or guilt.
End of story.