The 10 Moms You’ll Meet At the Pool This Summer

Now that summer is finally, hopefully, for the love of all things hot and sunscreeny, here, we have been making the rounds at some popular pools in Boulder. Sometimes I find it fascinating to watch other people interact with their kids. This may mean that I don’t get out a whole lot.

Here are some variations of moms that I have seen at the pool:

1. The Regulars: The swimming pool that you are at is their swimming pool, you just haven’t realized it yet. They come in small groups and set up shop at the prime sunny/shady spot with their matching fold-out chairs and their coordinated snacks and brightly colored towels and eye you a little suspiciously if they don’t recognize you. They are together. You are clearly not in their togetherness with your raggedy bath towels and your chocolatey-faced children.

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2. The Nannies (Or “Au Pairs” if fanciness is required): They often look as weary as any mother. One told me the other day, after she rehearsed an oddly mechanical phrase to the child she was watching, that she has a set “script” that she was supposed to say to get the children to stop doing something. I could tell that her heart wasn’t really in it though, and I think the little girl could too, because she kept right on pushing those other kids off the ladder to the slide like it was The Lord of the Flies.

3. The Fun Mom: This mom makes us all look bad and I don’t like her very much. She tickles her kid going down the slide EVERY TIME and she lets the kid ride around on her back even though they are clearly choking her and she encourages games of tag where she actually tries to catch them and everything. And she brings swim noodles for chrissakes. Swim noodles. Her kids look pretty smug too, as if they know they had done something pretty great in a previous life to earn Fun Mom.

4. The Phone Moms: We all need to talk at some point, but there are some moms that literally spend the whole time on the phone at the side of the pool. It’s impressive. Their child is eating other people’s snacks, using my kid as a floaty and clogging up the slide situation by trying to go up backwards and Phone Mom is completely clueless.

5. The Toddler plus New Infant Desperation Mom: She has a new baby snoozing at the side of the pool. She has a toddler wreaking havoc like a boss. She is lucky if her swimsuit is on in the right direction. She looks a little freaked out around the eyes. We’ve all been there. You may see her nodding off a bit as she sits down in the shallow end and then get startled awake when her toddler pokes her face with an errant swim noodle.

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6. The Perfect Mom: Ugh. Almost as annoying as the Fun Mom. I look at Perfect Mom and mentally berate myself for not caring more about how I present myself to the world. I mean doing 1000 sit-ups a day to have abs like that couldn’t be that hard! And I could probably attempt to wear some sort of flowy beach cover-up and wedge sandals and bring actual beach towels. I could buy actual beach towels! Perfect Mom’s children even look like they have bathed in an actual tub in the last week. Not having to take a bath is half the reason we even come to the pool.

7. The Mom Looking For a Friend, Any Friend: I have been there, so I know how she feels. It’s almost like dating; she notices your children are about the same age with the same interest in being human water tornados with no regard for other people. She catches your eye and strikes up a conversation, always starting out with “So…how old is she? What a good little swimmer! What’s her name?” The similarities and differences between children are compared and contrasted. “Your child loves to jump off super tall things and scare the shit out of you? So does mine!” “Your child enjoys getting into the car very slowly and crying at dinner? So does mine!” You exchange phone numbers between bouts of telling your respective children that fingers don’t go in other people’s eyes and to spit out whatever that was floating in the pool.

8. The Hippie Mom: You will recognize the Hippie Mom with her homemade raw food vegan granola snacks in cloth containers and her children with names like Bringer of Light and Namaste Jones. My kid’s middle name is Rainbow, so I probably don’t have a lot to say about this. Hippie Mom may or may not have dreadlocks (and you may or may not stare in fascination like me to find out what exactly happens to dreadlocks when they get wet), and there might be a head scarf involved. She is at peace even when her children are mauling one another, happy in the moment, living and breathing. Don’t be surprised if Light Bringer politely requests a sip of milk from her right breast as they lounge poolside.

9. The Grandma: It is often hard to tell the Grandmas from the Moms in Boulder. Partly because women tend to have their babies later here, and partly because a lot of the Grandmas are still smokin’ hot and sporting a two-piece in a way that makes me want to cover myself with a tarp. The Grandmas seem to genuinely like the children they are swimming with. There is a lot of high-fiving and pool- jump congratulations and delicious-looking cookies at snack time. Grandmas are as awesome as Fun Mom.

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10. The Discipline Mom: She expects her children’s perfect behavior at all times. No pushing, no sliding out of turn, and for goodness sake don’t blow your nose in the pool like that kid (pointing at my kid). She has a lot of rules and there are a lot of time-outs on the side of the pool and she talks a lot about good and bad choices. But all I can think is, jeez, give the kid a break, they all like to splash an unsuspecting friend in the face once in awhile. It just feels good.

I have fit very snugly into all of these Mom categories at one time or another, depending on the day, or the amount of sleep that has been bequeathed to me by the children in my home. Well, except for Perfect Mom. But we all know that girl has something crazy locked up somewhere.

Related post: The Six Mothers Every Mother Hates

About the writer

@jowisler

Joelle Wisler is a writer and mom living in the mountains who loves quiet Saturday mornings and other mythical things like personal space and time to think. She named her blog Running From Mountain Lions so that if she ever meets up with a big cat, at least she can go down in a blaze of irony. Her writing has been flung haphazardly about the internet, but she writes regularly for Scary Mommy and The Huffington Post. She made The Today Show's List of Funniest Parents on Facebook and contributed to the anthology Scary Mommy's Guide To Surviving The Holidays. Find her on Facebook and Twitter.

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Arialvetica 3 months ago

Look for a MOMS Club in your area. I was Looking For A Friend Mom and after joining MOMS Club I feel more like The Regulars. :)

Rebecca 3 months ago

I’m definitely the fun mum and proud of it! :-)

Adrienne 3 months ago

I just want someone to put sunscreen on my back, watch my purse when I go in to cool off and agree with me when I say ” golly that music is giving me a headache.”

Mindi 3 months ago

Or the mom that has to quickly rat out your kid to the lifeguard before you have a chance to for mildy throwing up in the pool cause she inhaled some pool water making me look bad…

sueann 3 months ago

I don’t mind any of the mom types-a little annoyed by the phone mom ignoring her kid’s antics , but I’m so glad you identified #1. They stare. They whisper. Almost want to flash them a tit so they’ll really have something to talk about. I thought we were all grown ups.

Susie 5 months ago

Often me. I’m a loner but I don’t want my child to have zero friends. So I try.

Chris 5 months ago

I was looking for the Drinking Mom too!!

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Amanda 7 months ago

Me too right now! I feel really pathetic. .

Melissa 1 year ago

I’ve been the “looking for a friend mom” but now I’m “the mom that doesn’t give a shit if you talk to me or not”. People in my community are snobs. I’m also the only single mom (that I’ve noticed) and I think it freaks them out. Trust me, their husbands are not attractive and I have a hot boyfriend. So there.

emily 1 year ago

Absolutely hilarious and so very true! I loved it. Thanks!

Eve I Ate Your Damn Apple 1 year ago

I get to be the “absent mom” who is never actually the one taking the kids to the pool because she has to go to a stupid job while her husband takes care of the kids. I always feel like I’m being judged just by not being there lol.

BarbaraJean 1 year ago

Hysterical! A little of each, but more than anything I’m watching and on top of the boys so they don’t become floaters. The youngest doesn’t get that “no” word

I’m not a rule.Nazi, he just can’t swim yet. He’s 3 and a handful!

Vince Bingham 1 year ago

My mom was the Alcoholic Mom. Bringing the entire box of Franzia wine to the pool and drinking it in a solo cup. Classy!

Michelle Rivera 1 year ago

I am the hippy fun mom!!!! <3 Gonna continue to annoy other moms and chase my rad kid around in her amber necklace :)

Michelle 1 year ago

I would say I try to be the fun mom but then I need a break and become the phone or I need a friend mom. I need to buy some nice bath towels but one of those things I am so cheep with.

Sherri 1 year ago

What about the “stay at home; this is my only social activity mom”? They saves seats hopeful a Facebook post yields other moms to join and never actually swim or play with their kids.

Lezah 1 year ago

Awesome comment!!!!

Love 1 year ago

The first one would be me on a weekend, minus the itty-bitty-teeny-tiny-why-did-you-even-bother bikini. Because, um, no. But otherwise, neon hair-check. An abundance of body ink-check. Stands up frequently–check. (to relieve the pins and needles because the crappy lattice upholstery on the lounge chair is digging ridges into my ass.)

The second one would be me on a weekday afternoon, because I came straight from work after picking my kids up from daycare, who have been screeching nonstop to go to the pool, and if we swing by the house first, it’ll be closed by the time we get back. I assure you, I am more uncomfortable to be at the pool looking like this than you are to be staring and wondering LMAO but my time is limited and the kids shouldn’t have to suffer for it.

You totally nailed the hell out of both of those! Do you live near here? LOL

Love 1 year ago

I wonder if that’s the “I’ve been on my own with these kids 24/7 for the last 6 days” Mom, who’s married to the “I only play with the kids out in public” Dad… I think I know her.

Melissa 1 year ago

You forgot two…

The entirely way too tattooed and not wearing enough clothing mom. You know, the one with purple hair, tattoos everywhere and peeking out from a bikini that is clearly made for sun bathing in your own backyard. The mom that frequently stands up and adjusts her bikini so that all the dads and some boys in the pool will look at her. Ugh at that mom! Sorry if you are her, but you bug me sometimes.

And the I came to the pool dressed and I am not getting in the water at all mom. She’s not even wearing a suit under her clothes, so if her kid starts to drown, will someone else please jump in and save him. Her hair is done and makeup applied every time! And don’t dare splash near her!

Thankfully, I’m neither of those moms. I’m probably a combo of a bunch listed above though.

JT 1 year ago

You forgot the lazy mom…the one who lets daddy be the one playing with the kids while she lays most of the time sunbathig, and grunts if her kids get her w or as her to take them to the bathroom.

Renee 1 year ago

Per a friend’s suggestion: #11: The Drinking Mom.

Cracks a Lime-Rita-A at 10 am and by 4 pm, she’s Fun Mom (if she’s not Passed Out Mom ).

Fun read and so true!

Jesse 1 year ago

How about the bitchy judgmental mom? Thinks she is perfect, but other moms trying to make friends are instantly deemed as ‘Yuk”. I am sure no one feels the same about her, lol. Nice example for the kid(s) . . .

Don’t worry you hag, I wouldn’t get near you with a 10 foot pole.

Nicole 1 year ago

cross between looking for a friend and discipline. Lol

Hollie 1 year ago

I am a cross between the fun mom and the soon to be grandmother. All my kids friends want to hang with us and they all call me mom. I do have a few rules, but they don’t mind obeying them in order to hang with us. I am forever hearing, “Dude your mom is awesome, wanta trade?”

Rebecca Olsen 1 year ago

My daughter’s middle name is Music and the other’s middle name is Meadow!

Sarah 1 year ago

I’m definitely Fun Mom…well, I’m Mojito Mom first, then Fun Mom!

Debbie 1 year ago

Great list! i have also seen a fair share of “anxiety moms” that have twenty floatation devices around her 4+ year old kid that can stand in the shallow end and aren’t allowed into deep end!!

Pezzzz yummy 1 year ago

Isn’t the list forgetting the newly divorced looking for a new guy mom?

Colleen Goodwyn 1 year ago

The one who doesn’t go to the pool

Emmalynn Gray 1 year ago

How about “Go to the park instead because you don’t have to worry about drowning” mom? That’s me, so far.

Emmalynn Gray 1 year ago

43 with a 16.5 month old. I have actually been asked if he is really mine. So rude! I just say yes & move on.

Janine Sordean Spencer 1 year ago

Wishing there was a public pool around here !!!!

Meg 1 year ago

I am so her right now: The Toddler plus New Infant Desperation Mom. Although we live in a beach town so no fence around the ocean to contain my maniac toddler who is OBSESSED with going in the water. He freakin turns blue from cold before I can finally drag him out. Love this post.

Meg
http://www.mommeetmom.com

Andi Zeh Condit 1 year ago

I’m the mom who works (very little ha) at the pool, so my kid knows everybody and thinks rules and boundaries don’t apply to him.

Charlotte 1 year ago

I don’t even have kids and I loved reading this so much. Because all of my friends are moms, I could see each of them in their own unique role. I don’t know any “perfect moms” either, and to be honest, I’m a bit glad that I don’t. Even if I (seemingly) had it all together (which would never happen in a million years), I wouldn’t want to keep up this facade. Too much work and I would run the risk of having all the other mommas hate me…

Tammy Slaughter 1 year ago

must be nice, i’m the mom who’s never been to a pool… :(

Heather Abbate 1 year ago

I’m the mom with kids-who-won’t-enter-the-pool lol but god forbid I try to lay down for some sun-time because then they turn into stage 5 clingers. I love my kids but I am not about to carry a nearly four year old and 1.5yr old when they have perfectly useable (and as new as they were in the store) floaties. I won’t even start on how impossible it is when dad comes along because then I result in three kids instead of two. lol

Audrey Weston Day 1 year ago

Fun mom….. only because I am trying to fit 7 days of fun into 2 days of fun.

Golden Cindy 1 year ago

grandma here, minus “smokin’ hot body”, LOL

Laureen Cobuccio 1 year ago

I’m the one with cocktail in hand. Daggers for nails. Draped in everything gold. Huge hair that can’t get wet. And will beat the shit outta anyone that goes near my child. I didn’t see that one on your list?????? Lol

Carole Veschi 1 year ago

Oh no, some of these are me.

Wendy Zoellner 1 year ago

The fun mom…even if it kills me. I’m also #7 (which is why being the fun momster kills me)
I’m 41. I have a 20 month yr old daughter, a 10 year old son and a 21 year old son. Yep, 21 YEARS!!! ( and he’s been in the Navy for two years already).

Jessica Lorenzen 1 year ago

Melanie Scott sorta… There are regulars, cool moms, and the worry warts…. But we are all friendly and a pretty tight community so we mostly already know each other ;)))

Taylor Jessel Winner 1 year ago

5&8 annnd the fun mom..

Tammy Jill Schipper Trommelen 1 year ago

Yikes!

Jessica Leann 1 year ago

I’m 7 all the way!!

Regina Senese Bradley 1 year ago

This is super point on!!

Lora Cross Hunter 1 year ago

I’m discipline mom and looking for a friend mom. Need to work on this.

Kathy Franzo-Thurman 1 year ago

1…. duh! LOL

Deborah Ann 1 year ago

Duh I’m the perfect mom; because DMB is in my earphones and I have a gut that rivals the old school Michelin man.

Carl Peterson 1 year ago

Where is the ” I wear inappropriately skimpy bathing suit mommy?”

Amy Stringham 1 year ago

I am totally number 7. Who wants to be friends? 😉

Rachel Krueger 1 year ago

Me too

Christina Les 1 year ago

Too funny

Caitlin Cosgrove 1 year ago

I’m the “fun mom”

Elisabeth D’Empaire Wilbert 1 year ago

Ugh! I’m discipline mom! Maybe I will try to be fun mom this year! :-)

August 1 year ago

Funny, but there is another kind of mom. A normal mom, who goes to the pool every day because she likes to swim and wants her kids to be able to swim but she has no friends at the pool because she is always too busy keeping an eye on her kids so they don’t drown.

Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense 1 year ago

Ummm… yeah we also “bathe” in the pool. This is fine until I realize it also means I haven’t brushed my daughter’s hair for five days.

Christy Reiner Wainwright 1 year ago

Love ! Hysterical !

Farrah Roberts 1 year ago

Maybe a combo of 8 and 3.

Megan DaGata 1 year ago

I’m fun mom. Literally everything about that one was me at a kids birthday two weeks ago. But in my defense I love swimming!!!

Kim 1 year ago

Ha! I guess I’m “fun mom”. But don’t hate me! It’s just that I’m so happy to have FINALLY gotten out of the house!!!

Lynn Gresham Crummitt 1 year ago

I don’t see Mom pushed to the brink of insanity/alcoholism by their kids Mom, I know myself and most if my friends fall into that category, ha!

Kelly Magnani 1 year ago

I’m the un matching,casual but watchful mom

Heather Peters 1 year ago

Ugh discipline mom. I’m a teacher- it’s hard to break habits. Gonna try this summer.

Mary 1 year ago

I’m the mom looking for a friend while desperately trying to stay in the only silver of shade possible.

Leslie Hyde Jordan 1 year ago

I am another one: yeah my kid got out of the pool to pee pool but didn’t bother to go the bathroom

Jewel Ackendorf 1 year ago

Combo of need a friend mom and discipline mom. I am trying to lighten up and not be such a discipline mom though.

Rosie Snow O’Laughlin 1 year ago

Fun Mom here!! Even with both my boys (3 & 5) having Autism!

Stacey Justice 1 year ago

3 and about to be 5 :)

Erika Swanson 1 year ago

I’m the “I can’t get my shit together to go to the pool mom.” I have a 4-year old and 7-month old twins.

Mary Bartello Nelson 1 year ago

New category: the unfun mom. I have written the description. The only word you need to know is “no”.

Kristin 1 year ago

I am from the Midwest, mother of four and spent some time at a Community pool in boulder last summer while visiting my best friend. I would also add the “breastfeeding by poolside mom and I don’t care who sees my boob” and the “insanely fit ironman mom”,which makes me stare in awe and wonder where she finds the time!

Jack 1 year ago

This post reminds me of how glad I am that I’m dad and not mom. All that craziness inside your heads can’t be fun.

Cyndi Cordner 1 year ago

Im fun mom(aunt)

Kara Johnson 1 year ago

Haha took my kid to the pool today and this rings so true lol

Alison Espinoza 1 year ago

A little of them all!!!!!!
Except the grandma one!

Liese Aucoin Homer 1 year ago

Where’s “normal mom”? There to have fun and be social, enjoy time with kids and adults, enforces safety rules but not helicoptering… That’s me. Maybe that’s more of a hot mess?

Sandy 1 year ago

I’m the “willing to put an ugly, giant pool in my backyard to avoid having to sit out in the sun while my kids swim” mom. (I swam with them until they were older and had had many summers of swimming lessons, Now I’m free, at least as long as both of them want to swim — no solo swimmers at our house.)

If I’d been forced to go to the public pool, I’d have been the disciplinarian Mom, at least so long as breaking the rules ruined some other kid’s fun — most of your examples did exactly that. My constant refrain is “treat everyone just as you’d like them to treat you.” As yet they haven’t wanted to be pushed or lose a turn.

Julie Burton Edwards 1 year ago

Toddler plus new infant mom!

Sandra Riddle Mangum 1 year ago

Haha! I have three little boys. I can so relate. I just want a moment of quiet.

Sandra Riddle Mangum 1 year ago

Same here, Amber.

Daniel Whitehurst 1 year ago

Don’t forget Cougar Moms Subtly Hitting on the Teenage Lifeguards. They’re real.

Phoenix 1 year ago

This is funny and too, too true. just thinking about going to the pool makes me so tired.

Sara Crofton Henderson 1 year ago

This is hilarious! I’m all of them wrapped into one with the exception of grandma.

Christina Merrell 1 year ago

I am fun mom with a splash of discipline mom

Robin White Fanning 1 year ago

And those were the days…at the pool in Dearborn when the boys were little. We played all afternoon with friends and had freezer food for dinner!

Alemmom 1 year ago

Ha – I’ve been many of those moms on different days, you left out the “My kid’s old enough that I can go to the pool by myself Mom” you’ll recognize us by are blissful expressions, books that we’ve made it past 20 pages into and amazing ability to block out all the noise from your kids. And good news… all kids grow up, so someday, you too can be that mom 😉

Heather 1 year ago

LOL!

Fran Tirman 1 year ago

Grandma :)

Heather 1 year ago

I love this. I don’t have a “the pool”, but I do see all of these moms on every outing we take.

I am often “fun mom” because I work a 40 hour week outside the home and try to enjoy every second I’m with my kids, even if I’m grouchy/exhausted/overwhelmed. If I was with them more, I’d probably be less fun.

I’m just about out of the “Toddler plus New Infant Desperation Mom”, thank goodness. I feel for those moms and will usually talk to them/offer help. Along with that, I’m almost always the “Mom Looking For a Friend” since we recently moved to a new town and I don’t know anyone. Also “Discipline Mom” because I do not want my kids to be trouble for anyone else. I think I need to relax on that one a little, LOL.

Laura Lillicotch 1 year ago

Looking for a friend mom

Stephanie Yost James 1 year ago

LOL. My thought exactly. I wondered, if author considers herself the “looking for a friend mom,” maybe she should stop judging/categorizing. We all have our moments.

Erica 1 year ago

I’m fun mom and discipline mom. My sister is definitely perfect mom. But damn you don’t have to be so hateful towards fun moms! Jealous as hellll woman get yourself together! I liked the post overall, except your unattractive jealousy piercing through on fun mom. Like she’s being outgoing and having fun with her children to purposely rub it in your face. Maybe she’s just being human and not worried at all about what people think and she’s making the best of her life and her kids. And isn’t thinking about you or what you think whatsoever asshole. And you’re envy towards perfect mom is just as sickening. What it really seems like is you’re stuck inside yourself and you’re way too worried about everyone else and catching bad feelings about them. Try being the mom you always wanted or feel your kids deserve or what you want to be and focus all this energy on yourself. All this judging and worrying about what moms are doing and thinking it’s funny your kid is making them cringe by blowing his snot in the water. You’re really just giving us moms an example to teach our kids what not to do because we were hoping you were going to correct your own child about his manners but you fell short. At least these women own who they are. You act like you can’t be like that and if you don’t want to be like that ask yourself why you don’t have the desire. Being a mature adult doesn’t mean slicing out any and all play and fun from yourself! There’s a time and a place. And also, letting your kids be kids doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want when they want to and especially when it involves another person. You have to teach them manners and boundaries… and in the long run your children will master how to manipulate you. You’re kids do not have special privileges compared to the rest of the world. And they aren’t going to know any better if you don’t teach them. Sounds like you don’t care about anything! But since you are a mother try to be a good one, even if you don’t care about yourself and who you are.

Alejandra 1 year ago

I’m the nanny that acts like mom #10 and #7, and on really good days mom #3

Jennifer Clark Jones 1 year ago

thats me! :)

Jessie Willow Richardson 1 year ago

I’m a combination of Fun Mom and Perfect Mom. But I can turn into Bootcamp Mom the minute my children disrespect others! I’m an older mom (41) so frankly I just don’t care to judge anyone. We’re all doing our best I suppose?

Brittany Moore 1 year ago

Too funny! I’d say a hybrid of the toddlers + baby desperation mom and the hippie mom.

Hilda Figueroa-Swett 1 year ago

I’m the freak-out mom (3 little ones) and definitely love meeting new moms!

Tara Marie Scavetti 1 year ago

Love this!!!

Ali Tumbusch 1 year ago

Hahaha! Miss you guys so much!

Jane 1 year ago

You can always tell the babysitters, too. They’re in their little skimpy bikinis and clearly look like nothing has come out of her birth canal. Skinny bitches.

Jennifer Gibbs 1 year ago

I’m the fun mom and sometimes it’s absolutely exhausting.

Heather Bennett 1 year ago

I’m the I-bring-you-to-the-pool-to-occupy-yourself-leave-me-the-hell-alone mom

Kelly Galvin Tirman 1 year ago

considering I’m at the pool sometimes 3x a day I guess I’m one of the “The Regulars” (a.k.a Swim Team Mom)

Amy Galeazzo Tarpley 1 year ago

I’m so #5…actually we haven’t even gone to the pool yet this year, despite the fact that it’s walking distance from our house. I’m too terrified of taking two of them!!!!

Maura 1 year ago

This. Oh heavens this! And all this is assuming I can calm down enough to not spend the *entire* time wondering how to get phone mom’s kid off mine without her seeing (because that’s the only time she looks up!).
Mostly we just don’t get to go to the pool. 😀

Carrie Balda 1 year ago

I’m the mom looking for a friend….not only at the pool, but the park, library, beach, school function…you just can’t escape me! But it works!!

Kelly Whitney Clark Ureña 1 year ago

I’ve been or rotate between: 3 5 7 10 I hate phone mom and perfect mom or the moms that won’t get there hair wet.

Tammy Nonkes 1 year ago

Haha yeah I’d definitely be number 5

Michelle Thomas 1 year ago

don’t fit in any of these categories. I don’t own beach towels but I do dig through my cabinet to find the nicest regular towels we have (the ones with the fewest strings hanging off the ends) so I don’t look like a complete hobo.
They need to add the category: “anxiety mom.”
I HATE going if anyone else is there, I worry my 3 year old son will splash some kid and the mom will freak because it gets in her little weirdo’s mouth and the pool water isn’t gluten free. Then I obsess “Did I put enough sunscreen on him? Should I put more? I should put more…” until I’ve blinded him with Coppertone…I practically eye roll my sunglasses right off my face when I see the bikini moms with a newborn on their side, meanwhile I’m pushing out my gut and rubbing it, trying to pass off my 2 months of pregnancy as 8 1/2.
I eye the bikini mom’s perfectly manicured toes and non-chipped polish while trying to hide the fact that my piggies look like the polish was applied with a paintball gun.
I’m too anxiety ridden to approach any of the other moms to strike up a conversation so I eavesdrop on their conversations and respond sarcastically in my head. “Trevor can speak French fluently, count to a zillion and regularly reads the encyclopedia for fun. He’s 2. We’re having him tested but I’m certain he’s a genius.”
Really? I just watched Trevor eat about 15 boogers and he hasn’t taken his hand out of his butt crack since you arrived. I’d hold off on calling Mensa.

Aranda Boren Whalen 1 year ago

I am the fun mom, and i am only kind of annoying so shove it! Lol.

Cameron Johnson 1 year ago

Funny! I’m almost #5. I’m the mom watching my youngest (a three year old girl) like a hawk because she will suddenly decide to do a cannonball into an area where she can’t touch.

Lisa Michelle Hoyos 1 year ago

Lol..Im the one looking for a friend

Katey Smith 1 year ago

Mom with infant and toddler here!

Keli Sanders 1 year ago

Toddler/baby mom, and pathetically, need a friend mom.

Jenny Holmes 1 year ago

I’d say I’m one of the Regular Moms with a big helping of Mom looking for a friend.

Carin Kilby Clark 1 year ago

So funny… I’ve definitely run into each of these moms a time or two… I think I’m half the fun mom and half the discipline mom… I’ve definitely sat my 7 yo on the side a time or two for breaking the pool rules (that I assigned). Haha.

Karen Abramson 1 year ago

I’m the fun mom, but I long to be the sit in the shade and read mom. Maybe one day when the kiddos get older.

Courtney Rozendaal 1 year ago

Lol

Allyson Hall Hodge 1 year ago

#5 with a toddler/infant combo.

Kelly Beninghove 1 year ago

Lol!!

Sevena Fischer Gagnon 1 year ago

I’m the “leave me the hell alone mom” I’m the one “need a friend mom” tries to talk too. I have 5 boys that talk to me ALL day all at once. I take them to the pool so they can ask someone else questions.

Mónica Garza-Garza 1 year ago

Soooo funny!!! I’m ER-freak out mom plus healthy snacks! I take a first aid kit with me, sunblock, off… I get re-certified every year on CPA and first response emergency, I’m always looking around for weird people that aren’t suppose to be there (why is there a man with no kids taking pics!!!) but I’m kind of fun I love seeing my girls fun!

Kayla Priddle 1 year ago

I’m def the in need of a friend, any friend mom lol

Christy Whelan 1 year ago

I’m need a friend mom and sometimes I am drafted I into Fun Mom by my son who won’t let me rest if there is no one to play with. And for some reason other kids seem to try to start games with me while I am in the pool.

Sarah Westerling Randolph 1 year ago

Too funny!

Wendy Green 1 year ago

I’m usually Fun Mom, but I’ve been known to be Looking for Friends Mom and Phone Mom.

Rebecca Katt 1 year ago

I’m the fun, semi-perfect disciplined mom — all that stems from being a military mom.

Debbie Hurtado 1 year ago

Combo fun mom and mom looking for a friend. Lol

Christe McGann 1 year ago

I guess I’ve been all but phone mom and hippy mom…oh, and NEVER perfect mom…

Angie Durbin 1 year ago

I’m definitely the toddler with new infant!

Jessica Stormont 1 year ago

I am a little of all, but if I had to choose one, I would say discipline mom. I want other people to like my kids!

Kaylee Wickline 1 year ago

I’m the infant/tot mom and the need a friend mom lol!

Jamie Freeman 1 year ago

My guy is only 10 months so here’s my forecast instead of my reality. Who I hope I am? Totally the fun mom! Who I am most definitely NOT? The perfect mom. What will other people think of me? The hot mess mom (even though she’s not exactly in your list)!

Mary 1 year ago

*wreaking havoc. *grandmas (no apostrophe)

Sorry, grammar nazi, I know, but those jolted me out of reading.

Ironically, I’m usually the “fun mom” when we make it to the pool. I lost my dad young, so I’m a little hyper aware of the passage of time. Not always, but often enough to make me want to make good memories while I can.

Leslie Dupre’ Brodnax 1 year ago

Not on the list…The outta shape mom.

Kathleen Saia Garvey 1 year ago

Sadly, I’m the discipline mom.

Amber Terch 1 year ago

I’m the “I don’t go to the pool without another adult by my side to watch my 3 and 4 year olds”. I don’t trust myself going by myself with two young kids!

Lori O’Donnell Moritz 1 year ago

I’m a 3 with a side of 7.

Karen Kedroski Kipp 1 year ago

I ‘m a little of number 5&7

Heidi Alford-Hayes 1 year ago

I am Vigilant Mom. Sunscreen, check. Healthy snacks, check. Making sure the kid doesn’t drown, check.

Jayme Cervelli 1 year ago

You forgot the Mom that doesnts watch her children bc shes to busy worrying about herself!!!! Those are the ones that piss me off. Maybe you don’t have those in Boulder, which would be great, but I doubt it.. Here in PA they are plentiful… :(

Katie Schmidt 1 year ago

Meta … This kind of reminds me of yesterday! 😉

Savannah Soule 1 year ago

Alittle of everything as well. I can hippish with the food, I can be fun but don’t be spoiled brat, I check my often but I’m still watching, I only have one child but soon thinking to have another in a year, Im nnot perfect with ABS but is till have a great fashion sense, I’m not mean but I am a regular with matching sets, my mother takes the grandmother role and so far I do need a fellow mom… I guess I’m just miss the nanny

Kristen King 1 year ago

My kids are 2&4 so my only choice is to be the fun, paranoid, watch them like a hawk, they don’t leave my sight mom

Lee Ann Kuhn Buscemi 1 year ago

Oh dear, I’m a cross between discipline mom and desperate mom. I have six children. One set of eyes. This summer, I am officially down to three children at home. I feel a great weight lifted! And I have my very own pool, lol!!!!

Brandyn Brown 1 year ago

The fun Mom for sure, only I’m a Dad and that seems to upset people even more. Don’t stare at me like you’re the spawn of Satan and Jesus just walked in the room because you got splashed. You are at the pool, if you didn’t come here to get wet you are doing it wrong!

Karyn M. Osuna-Poindexter 1 year ago

I’m the Fun Mom and not by choice. lol! I always get recruited by my son and his friends of the day to be the deadly sea creature and I’m always “it” when playing swim tag, etc,… I notice all of the other parents sitting on the sidelines, ignoring their kids in the pool, leaving it all up to me. God forbid anyone play with their own kid in the pool!

Sandy Elvenholl 1 year ago

I’m “why do moms have to be categorized mom.” Can’t we all just stop judging one another?

Stephanie Vallera 1 year ago

None of them

Mindy Hagy 1 year ago

I’m a little bit of all of them except I only am on my phone to take pics of my kiddos having fun!

Jackie Warmke 1 year ago

Summer before last (kid age 2) I was needs-a-friend. Last summer (kid age 3, hugely pregnant) I was phone mom. I’m scared to even try the pool this summer, for I am now preschooler+baby mom.

Kelly Probst 1 year ago

Hows bout the upper middle class, middle age Princeton nj tramp stamp mom!!! Wow , saw 6 so far!

Alicia Cruz 1 year ago

I’m the “has her own pool mom”… Thank GOD! Lol

Bobbie Shiner 1 year ago

I’m a Regular :-)

Melanie Jalbert 1 year ago

I’m the “no kid will drown on my watch” mom.

Lane Tunstall 1 year ago

Bahahaha

Jessica Steinmetz Liebmann 1 year ago

I’m totally the fun mom right now, but my son is 18 months old so it comes pretty naturally at this point! However, I’ll be making the transition to toddler and a baby mom by the end of summer and I’m a little nervous!

Dana Hay 1 year ago

I have been, and can be “fun mom”, just add some beers! Lol

Monica Gamboa 1 year ago

3

Jessica Farrell 1 year ago

I’m “Feels like I’m never going to sit down again Mom” with a 2 year old and 5 year old.

Gail Miller Armondino 1 year ago

I’m the fun mom and the one looking for a friend. I love playing in the water.

Mary Calvano Brown 1 year ago

Ummmm….rule mom….

Dalia Miseikyte 1 year ago

sadly, i am “too much control and no fun” mom…

Rachel Parr Strauss 1 year ago

5&7

Christine Huite Sohnrey 1 year ago

I’m the mom who silently prays our next house will have its own pool

Autumn Ouimette 1 year ago

#7 mom looking for a friend

Michele Maxwell 1 year ago

im not hear either im the mom that watches the kid like a hawk to make sure they dont drown mom that follows the little one every where the paranoid mom i think that would be my name

Jenny Cobb 1 year ago

I’m number 10!! eerrr think i need to chill out!

Heather Stasny 1 year ago

The Toddler plus New Infant Desperation Mom….thats me….but I also need to add the whiny tweenager and the “child who should have been born with gills and never wants to get out of the pool”.

Becky Gordon 1 year ago

I’m toddler-infant-desperation mom, unfortunately! Confession: We haven’t been to the pool yet because I’m scared.

Melissa Stiles 1 year ago

Hmm. Probably between the hippy mom and the fun mom. My kids and their friends called me the cool mom. lol

Holly Diane Johnson 1 year ago

I’m the fun mom I so look forward to when we go to the pool!

Jennifer Sluss 1 year ago

#7 for sure

Rebecca Chadwick 1 year ago

I am the mom who has to be in the shallow end of the pool because my kids can’t swim because they are all under 4 still lol

Tami McKay-Holzaepfel 1 year ago

I’m a cross of fun, hippy and grandma mom..

Tiffany Watson 1 year ago

I’m the one facing the sun, getting my tan on while my kids run wild and have fun… And likely try to eat everyone else’s food because I’m also the mom that brings the fruit and veggies instead of all the yummy chips and candy!

Marianne Maguire 1 year ago

I’m always phone mum.

Christina Murray 1 year ago

Fun Mom here, though very rarely I am a read and get a nice tan mom :)

Britta Pekofsky 1 year ago

I am lazy Mom. Sits in the chair while the kids swim. What # is that? 😉

Lisa Falls 1 year ago

Ha Ha !

June Whitehill 1 year ago

im fun mom!lol

Phylena Houde 1 year ago

The discipline mom…I can’t really swim and can’t be dealing with accidents…so, yeah.

Denise 1 year ago

I would say…. Well depends on what day it is… Pretty sure I’ve been at least #1-3-6-7 & sometimes even #10…

Manda Thurmes 1 year ago

Yessss I’m the fun mom! Hate away!

Melissa Therrien 1 year ago

I’m a few of these moms. Still in the toddler and infant holy crap how am I going to make this work phase… :) I manage.

Mary Ramos 1 year ago

Unfortunately I’m #7. I’m an older mom with no child care at all so it’s hard to get out and meet other people unless it’s a children’s activity. I’ll be the park stalker soon too lol

Anne Clark Amodeo 1 year ago

way too funny!

Ella Howell Carlson 1 year ago

Hmm I’m not sure which of these I am

Jessica Brown 1 year ago

I guess I’m fun mom according to the description.. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing though lol

Jill Weyer Ross 1 year ago

I’m #4, but it’s a book, not a phone.

Meghan Cummings 1 year ago

Im “lets go to the lake, it’s more fun” mom. There’s sand to play in and if my newly potty trained 2 year old poops on the beach it’s okay…lol. just pick it up and move on.

April Swatsenbarg 1 year ago

I’m toddler plus newborn worn out mom!

Tenisha Ashley Lebeau 1 year ago

7

Sara Gentry Leavell 1 year ago

5. The Toddler plus New Infant Desperation Mom…(with a preschooler also)

Manoella Ortiz-Taunton 1 year ago

I’m also the “sit in the shade and tell my kids to go play” mom :)

Alexandria Garcia 1 year ago

im def discipline mom, which one are you Belinda Garcia ?

Christian Toto 1 year ago

We went to the pool recently and one woman appeared to be in spectacular shape. Her abs, in particular, were outstanding. How did I know? She struck this odd pose for what seemed like hours, lounging by the poolside in a manner that showed off every sit up she ever took! She looked great .. and horribly uncomfortable … at the same time.

Natalia Lightbourn 1 year ago

So naming my next kid Namaste Jones

Jess LovelyDangers Broyles 1 year ago

Hippie mom, compete with dreadlocks. :)

Emilie Jonker 1 year ago

#5!!! Lol

Shannon Klein 1 year ago

I started out as 2, I envision myself being 3+8 but will probably end up as 5+7. Hopefully someday 9!

Heather Bill 1 year ago

I’m the “I’d rather set up a sprinkler in the backyard” mom. I would have been the toddler plus new infant mom, but I ended up with twins the second time around and our pool visits never recovered. Now that I’m completely outnumbered, the pool is pretty much out of the question.

Kelly Beall 1 year ago

I’m “Absorbed in My Own Book Mom” – I brought you kids to the pool so you would give me some peace. Go swim; I’m reading.

Bree Bradley 1 year ago

Somewhere between regular and disiplinary. There has to be some rules for safety and consideration of others.

Michele Beatty Lichtenauer 1 year ago

I don’t go to the pool cause it is too hot. I’m that mom that hides in the house all summer – or any air conditioned building.

Leslie Parker Hickey 1 year ago

A cross between fun mom and rules mom!

Grace Manter 1 year ago

“New Mom I Have No Idea What I’m Doing Mom”

Kim Telfer Nuques 1 year ago

#5 for sure!!!!!!

Alison Sumprer 1 year ago

I’m the discipline mom, lol. My kids act like Hellions if I don’t keep on top of them and I don’t want to get thrown out!

Stacey Remolde Fonash 1 year ago

Disappointed I’m not on here. I’m the “sit in the shade and tell my kids to go play” mom.

Juliane ‘Morgan’ Janek 1 year ago

I’m the rules mom…although I do allow splashing.

Dee Dee Hensley Kasitz 1 year ago

I’ve been most of them but finally stopped going to the pool last year when I became “passive aggressive rule mom” trying to get “phone mom” off the phone so my kids would stop getting pummeled by her kids :-). The rules were for HER benefit. I finally had to become “Teacher Mom” and just take care of business and ask her to watch her child…… I’m over it now. Can you tell?!? :-)

Steve-Zyn Z Ruiz 1 year ago

I’m probably the hippy mom, lol or the fun mom.

Stacey Critchfield Crate 1 year ago

Guess I’m the Fun Mom. I enjoy our time goofing off in the pool as much as they do. And yes I bring the pool noodles and the dive sticks. Not ashamed of it though. We’re water babies. All 5 of us.

Jacqueline Carter 1 year ago

I’m the fun mom.. (probably why my neck and shoulders hurt today)

Amanda Orr 1 year ago

Yesterday I was Discipline Mom. I brought 6 kids to the pool and I was not having any wild shenanigans. I do not want to be the person who has to tell someone’s mom that their kids got a bloody nose/broken arm on my watch. No thanks. The kids had a blast despite the fact that I wouldn’t let them “chicken fight” each other.

Robin Marie 1 year ago

Definitely the fun mom :)

Brandy R Smith 1 year ago

Lmao these are funny cause they are so true!!

Bobbie Lawhorn Kirk 1 year ago

I’m the mom who ignores everyone and reads.

Beth 1 year ago

I’m the mom who won’t even go to the pool. My son hates water, and is too young for me to leave him alone while I go enjoy it, so we just don’t even go!

Bri Davis 1 year ago

Hippy mom all the way well cross between that and fun mom lol

Sarah Sanchez 1 year ago

I think I’m somewhere between infant n toddler mom and rules mom – my friends call me helicopter mom 😀 – I’m working on that.

Stevie Jean Adamovsky 1 year ago

#10 :/

Tracy Jacobs 1 year ago

Toddler plus new infant mom … And looking for a friend lol

Raashida Greer 1 year ago

I’m a mix between 5, 7 and 8 LOL

Alicia Nadeau 1 year ago

Sooo true :)

Peggy Jillian Danson 1 year ago

Definitely the “looking for a friend mom”, lol