35+ 'Monsters, Inc.' Quotes That Are So Funny It's Scary

35+ Monsters, Inc. Quotes So Funny Your Laugh Will Cause A Power Surge

December 21, 2020 Updated April 13, 2021

Monsters-Inc
Pixar

When Monsters, Inc. released in 2001, it took the world by storm. Like literally anything Disney Pixar releases, the film was full of a toothache-inducing sweetness that can sometimes be hard to find in modern movies. If you’ve watched this particular gem, you know that it’s full of hilarious moments and iconic Monsters, Inc. quotes. Best bud monsters Mike (Billy Crystal) and Sulley (John Goodman) are the most adorable “odd couple” pairing in history. Not only do they have differing looks and senses of humor, but they also have completely different world outlooks. They both work at Monsters, Inc., a scare factory that powers Monstropolis. How do they get enough power for such a monumental job? Well, the workers frighten screams out of kids — and those screams serve as energy. Sulley, one of the top performers, is a blue and purple furry Sasquatch-like monster whose heart is as big as his stature. Mike, meanwhile, has the exact kind of sarcastic personality you’d expect from a short, round, one-eyed cool guy. Chaos ensues when one of them accidentally brings back a little girl they begin calling “Boo.”

While the film was full of heart and based around the earnest quest to right a wrong, it wasn’t without its laughs. It’s a movie that, even some twenty years later, is still part of our continued conversation on kids’ movies and animations in general. And, let’s be real: Who doesn’t occasionally find themselves saying, “Mike Wazowski!” in Boo’s sweet, tiny voice? These Monsters, Inc. quotes are just a sampling of our favorite moments from the timeless movie.

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Monsters, Inc. Quotes from Mike & Sulley

Monsters, Inc. Quotes
Pixar

1. Mike: “I think I have a plan here. Using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild.”
Sulley: “Spoons?”
Mike: “That’s it, I’m out of ideas. We’re closed. Hot-air balloon? Too expensive. Giant slingshot? Too conspicuous. Enormous wooden horse? Too Greek.”

2. “Oh, that’s great, blame it on the little guy. How original. He must’ve read the schedule wrong with his one eye.” — Mike

3. Mike: “Can I borrow your odorant?”
Sulley: “Yeah, I got, uh, Smelly Garbage or Old Dumpster.”
Mike: “You got, uh, Low Tide?”
Sulley: “No.”
Mike: “How about Wet Dog?”
Sulley: “Yep. Stink it up.”

4. “Hey! Did you lose weight? Or a limb?” — Sulley

5. Roz: “Wazowski! You didn’t file your paperwork last night.”
Mike: “Oh, that darn paperwork! Wouldn’t it be easier if it all just blew away?”

6. “I’m trying to be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship.” — Mike

7. “Oh, so that’s puce.” — Sulley

8. “Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you’re looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Come on, tell me it’s a new haircut, isn’t it? It’s got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look — listen, I need a favor.” — Mike

9. Sulley: “I can still hear her little voice.”
Boo: “Mike Wazowski!”
Mike: “Hey, I can hear her too.”
Kids: “Mike Wazowski!”
Mike: “How many kids you got in there?”

10. Mike: “Psst, Fungus. Fungus, you like cars? Because I got a really nice car. You let me go, I’ll give you a ride in the car.”
Fungus: “I’m sorry, Wazowski, but Randall said I’m not allowed to fraternize with victims of his evil plot.”

11. Sulley: “Hey, Mike, this might sound crazy, but I don’t think that kid’s dangerous.”
Mike: “Really? Well, in that case, let’s keep it. I always wanted a pet that could kill me.”

12. Mike: “I’m telling you, Big Daddy, you’re gonna be seeing this face on TV more often.”
Sulley: “Yeah, like on Monstropolis’ Most Wanted?”

13. Sulley: “Wah, wah, wah. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C’mon, you could use the exercise.”
Mike: “I could use the exercise? Look at you. You have your own climate.”

14. “I am so romantic, sometimes I think I should just marry myself.” — Mike

15. Mike: “Oh, Schmoopsie-poo?”
Celia: “Googlie Bear.”

16. Waternoose: “Well hello, little one. Where did you come from?”
Sulley: “Mr. Waternoose.”
Waternoose: “Ah, James. Is this one yours?”
Sulley: “Ah, actually that’s my uh, cousin’s sister’s daughter, sir.”
Mike: “Yeah, it’s uh, ‘Bring an Obscure Relative to Work Day.'”
Waternoose: “Hmm, must have missed the memo.”

17. “What a plan. Simple yet insane.” — Mike

18. “That is the weirdest thing you’ve ever said.” — Mike

19. “What can I say? The camera loves me.” — Mike

20. “Sulley, I am baring my soul here. The least you can do is pay attention.” — Mike

21. “Dodgeball was the best, oh yeah. I was the fastest one out there. Of course, I was the ball.” — Mike

22. “I love you, schmoopsie-poo!” — Mike

23. “Just the other day someone asked who was the most beautiful monster. You know what I said? I said… Sulley?” — Mike

24. “Come on, pal. If you start crying, I’m gonna cry, and I’ll never get through this.” — Mike

25. “Look at the big jerk. He ruined my life, and for what? A stupid kid! Because of you, I am stuck in this frozen wasteland!” — Mike

26. “Good morning, Roz, my succulent little garden snail. And who will we be scaring today?” — Mike

Quotes from the Rest of the Monster Gang

Monsters, Inc. Quotes
Pixar

27. “One of these days I am really gonna let you teach that guy a lesson.” — Mike

28. “You expect me to believe that pack of lies, Mike Wazowski?” — Celia

29. “Shh. Do you hear that? It’s the wind of change.” — Randall

30. Yeti: “Snowcone?”
Mike: “Yuck.”
Yeti: “No, no, no. Don’t worry. It’s lemon.”

31. “It is my professional opinion that now it’s the time to panic!” — Scientist

32. “Milking a yak isn’t exactly a picnic; but once you pick the hairs out, it’s very nutritious.” — Yeti

33. “Abominable. Can you believe that? Do I look abominable to you? Why can’t they call me the Adorable Snowman, or the Agreeable Snowman, for crying out loud? I’m a nice guy.” — Yeti

33. “Poor guy. I understand. It’s not easy being banished. Take my buddy Bigfoot. When he was banished, he fashioned an enormous diaper out of poison ivy. Wore it on his head like a tiara. Called himself ‘King Itchy.'” — Yeti

34. “Kids these days. They just don’t get scared like they used to.” — Waternoose

35. Needleman: “So I said, ‘If you talk to me like that again, we’re through.'”
Smitty: “Oh! What did she say?”
Needleman: “You know my mom. She sent me to my room.”

36. Mike: “Boo? What’s Boo?”
Sulley: “That’s what I decided to call her. Is there a problem?”
Mike: “Sulley, you’re not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it.”

37. “Go ahead, go grow up.” — Mike

38. Sulley: (to Randall) “She’s not scared of you anymore.”
Boo: “Raaawr!”
Sulley: (smiling at Randall) “Looks like you’re out of a job.”

39. “My name’s Scott Squibbles. My friends call me Squishy.” — Squishy

40. “How do I become a scarer?” — Young Mike

Note: Can we just say that Yeti is seriously underappreciated. He’s so funny!