From The Confessional: Dear Partners — Foreplay Is Not Optional

by Team Scary Mommy
Originally Published: 
Beatriz Vera/EyeEm/Getty

Newsflash, partners! We. need. foreplay. Our clits aren’t just magically aroused 2.5 seconds after you grab our boob while we stir mac and cheese on the stove. Sorry, but that’s not how it works. Before we can even begin to enjoy sex, we need to mentally separate from the 9,000 responsibilities swimming around in our heads. Then we need to relax our bodies and get in the mood.

But hey—you know what helps us do all that? FORE. PLAY.

Kiss us. Touch us. Undress us. Toss in a little oral. Seriously, put some work in because in case you forgot, this isn’t all about getting you off. We’d like to get to the top of the mountain too, bruh. Because when sex feels like we’re at the OBGYN, it’s not good. Like really, really not.

Here are some confessions from women who really need some attention on the patio before jumping straight into the pool.

Why doesn't DH grasp that foreplay is important? I just am craving actual touch, slow buildup, anticipation, all of that. He basically just goes right to dick in vagina. I'm so damn bored and have talked about it, asked, initiated. He ignores me.

Confessional #23085037

I am done with 'checkbox' sex. And I told him that I needed foreplay, more than him, like we did pre-baby.

Confessional #25801445

I love my husband so much. I got pregnant a few months after we started dating and everything worked out amazing. He's so kind and perfect. A wonderful father. He's really bad in bed though. I'm talking no foreplay, 3 minute sex. Oh well.

Confessional #25797674

Love DH so much but the sex is mediocre at best. He's 100% vanilla, won't entertain anything new, and almost no foreplay for me. I've tried everything to ask, am very giving in bed myself. I'm too young to have missionary sex no orgasm rest of my life!!

Confessional #24976499

UGH. We are all set with boring, mundane, “checkbox” sex. We deserve more effort from our partners, who should want us to enjoy the experience, right? RIGHT?

day began with onesided sex where he got his and I (still) didn't. I'd be in a much better mood if I could get laid regularly where both foreplay and DH lasted more than five min. Damn, can I get a break.

Confessional #25828423

I miss making out. Kissing for hours. Now we’re lucky if we manage a half hour for sex, including foreplay, 2.5 times a month.

Confessional #25819788

DH and I finally got dinner out and a night away at a local hotel bc my mom came to town and kept the 2 kids. I planned it all. I had to beg him for foreplay before sex. So starved for touch but he just fucks and we're done. I fake it all the time.

Confessional #24932125

Stop rushing through the beginning just to get the job done. Because guess what? You’re not getting the job done.

Who teaches men how to get a woman aroused?! Is foreplay THAT difficult. Stop skipping right to my puss!!

Confessional #25769063

Is good foreplay non-existent anymore? WTF? Hooked up with this guy and he jammed his fingers inside me like a 15 yr-old playing with his 1st vagina. 2 mins later, he tries to stick it in and wondered why I was still not ready. For fucks sakes, people!

Confessional #24698554

Why is it that every time DH and I have sex it's all brand new to him? He "forgets" about foreplay and where my clit is. He fumbles around like a virgin and then wonders why I can't get into it.

Confessional #23395999

Foreplay with my husband feels like a gynecological exam. Yuck.

Confessional #23511241

Sometimes it feels like our partner is new at this game. Like seriously, are you 15? Am I at the fucking gynecologist rn? Do better.

I'm sorry h but pulling your shorts down and saying suck it is not foreplay

Confessional #24129002

Told DH last night that just turning off the tv(from watching random stuff not romantic/sexy)& yanking off his boxers is not foreplay..he immediately starts pumping in & out of me when I wasn’t remotely aroused it feels like a damn pelvic exam

Confessional #23608223

DH is horrible at foreplay, if he wants to have sex he just gropes at me or raises his eyebrows up and down over and over. Are you fucking kidding me? That is a turn OFF

Confessional #25783084

We know this isn’t easy to hear, but your foreplay sucks. And not in a good way.

For the first time, I ended things in the middle of almost-sex. The guy was being selfish and rushing through foreplay. In the past, I went along w/ it b/c it seemed awkward to stop. Now, I said, "You gotta go. This isn't working for me." It was awesome!

Confessional #23167947

A few days ago I finally told my DH his foreplay was awful, to my great shock, he decided to research how to be better! For the first time in our 10 yrs together he went down on me and it was amazing! Why did I wait so long to say something?

Confessional #22948506

I finally told my DH the reason I've been reluctant to have sex is because his foreplay is awful. He admitted to not trying. I'm ready for my sexual enjoyment to start mattering! Throwing away the lube, if I'm not wet, it's not happening!

Confessional #22886142

But you know what? Women are finally empowered to say what they want. We are done being silent and suffering through bad sex our whole lives. All set. So get on board, partners, or we’ll find someone who will. (Or we’ll just pleasure ourselves because we know what makes us feel good. We might not really need you at all. Hmmm.)

So here we are, putting our partners on notice: It’s time to up the foreplay game, like STAT. Busy moms who struggle to turn off their “mom-brain,” relax their bodies, and be present in the moment need it, or else sex… well, kind of sucks. We need to be kissed. We need to be touched, and we need to feel desired before you start jamming things into us with a grunt. We need to feel like you’re putting in some fucking effort before the actual fucking. Or else maybe there will be no more fucking. At least not with you, anyway.

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