From The Confessional: I Hate Sucking D*ck

by Cassandra Stone

Oral sex is fine to receive, but to give it—in blow job form—is not something many moms are actually into

In the words of Samantha Jones, “Honey, they don’t call it a ‘job’ for nothing.” And it’s true! All the work that goes into a blow job deserves some special award most of the time. For a lot of the moms in our Confessional, they’re practically getting lockjaw with a face full of day-old balls and very little reward for all the work they’re putting into sucking their partner’s d*ck.

Also, raise your hand if you’ve ever heard a guy brag about never going down on women. PATHETIC. So many men expect oral sex without ever returning the favor. And they wonder why so many women out there aren’t into it. HMM WHAT A MYSTERY!

I fucking hate my husband. Did NOTHING for me for mothers day, but when fathers day rolls around I'm sure he'll be asking for a blow job. The way things are going he may be getting divorce papers for fathers day.

Confessional #25780018

I’m a straight female with no interest in women but I think penises are gross. Sex is cool but I absolutely hate giving blow jobs and find it disgusting. I wish I never had to give one again. I’m sure I am totally alone on this.

Confessional #25777294

Whether I enjoy and give blow jobs depends entirely on how into the guy I am plus his hygiene, how much pubic hair he has, and how well and often he returns the favor. So that does a good job of weeding out men who don't need to be in my life!

Confessional #21786664

My husband will not go down on me- and with that said he will never get another blow job from me again.

Confessional #19260357

Some people just don’t like oral sex. Period. And that’s fine. But if you’re going to ask for it, demand it, or expect it, you better be willing to give it before you receive it.

Also, some men just don’t have…great hygiene. There’s no trimming, washing, moisturizing, nada for way too many men out there who know better. God knows it’s been ingrained in women to keep their pubic area nothing less than perfect at any given moment, but men? WOW do a lot of them not care, according to these women.

I hate sucking dick, it does nothing for me.

Confessional #1399198

I hate sucking dick! Stupid gag reflex!

Confessional #1316246

I have to tell my husband that I want to separate. He got straight up angry and wouldn't talk to me a few days ago when I didn't want to perform oral sex on him. I don't deserve to be treated like his whore.

Confessional #25783774

I get so angry when DH asks for a blow job but then takes FOREVER to finish. Like, dude, this isn't my idea of a good time so just cum already

Confessional #17107144

Sometimes these moms only give to get. Sometimes they give because they feel like they have to, which is problematic AF. Most of the time, though, they’re not giving it because they’re really into it. How depressing. COME ON HUSBANDS, GET IT TOGETHER.

Some of them are especially gross.

DH ran me a bath. Now he says i owe him a blow job. Asked if he cleaned the tub since he like to pee while he showers and said nope. Wonderful i'd love to sit in your piss water.. ugh.

Confessional #16813260

It's a blow job because it's work and eating out because it's a pleasure

Confessional #13212616

Blow jobs are disgusting. DH could single-handedly save the world from destruction, and I wouldn’t give him a blow job. Okay, MAAAAYBE if he really does save the world I might – but I’m still not swallowing.

Confessional #11372847

Gave H a blow job the other day and I sprained my neck and dislodged a crown on my molar. Middle age sucks.

Confessional #9691755

PSA: There’s a special place in hell for the men who demand a blow job from their brand-new postpartum wives. I hope you all burn for eternity!

The 1st morning after coming home from the hospital after giving birth to my daughter my husband blew up at me because I wouldn’t give him a blow job. I’ve never been more heartbroken in my life over it.

Confessional #8999326

Men: if you want it, you gotta give it. You also have to be considerate, respectful, and clean. OK good talk! Now stop being assholes to these wonderful women you married and find other ways to be intimate that make you BOTH happy.