A Dad Says His Son Wants To Be A “Flower Boy” But His Fiancée Says No
The bride’s vision and the dad’s desire to help his son get excited about his marriage is at an impasse.
Redditor u/Substantial-Goose386 (a fantastic handle, but we’ll call him Goose for short) is getting married in July and, as you can imagine, wedding planning is getting down to the wire. He and his fiancée are on board with everything... except for one thing: the role Goose’s son will play in their nuptials. “My son wants to be the flower boy, and I want him to be too.”
Honestly, the very thought of a flower boy is absolutely adorable as far as we’re concerned. But the Future Mrs. Goose has some reservations.
“My fiancée says that a flower girl is traditional and that it would be weird to have a flower boy,” Goose explains. “She says her family will be uncomfortable. She says that he should be the ring bearer. [But] he doesn’t want to be the ring bearer, he wants to carry the basket of flower petals. He thinks it looks fun. My line of reasoning is that anything that gets him excited about this wedding and having a stepmom is a huge plus.”
Fiancée sees it as a lesson: “future step-son, not everything is about you.” While Goose agrees, he recognizes that his marriage might be a heavy transition for his child.
“He hasn’t engaged much with the idea, and this is the first thing relating to the wedding he showed any excitement about,” he explains. “My fiancée wants to know what he would wear, and I said the three of us can definitely find something cute. She says she doesn’t want that extra task on her plate. I said then he and I can do it, and she said she would be stressed about not knowing what he’ll be wearing.”
Frustrations have been mounting over the issue for a while now, and the pair have reached an impasse.
“She said as far as she is concerned, it’s resolved. I said that in that case, it’s resolved for me too, and he’s doing it. She asked me why I’m being such an asshole about this.”
According to Goose, he’s been OK with compromises or simply letting things go throughout the wedding planning process, but this issue is different.
“This is the one thing that really matters to me, and I think it’s ultimately good for both of us because it will make my son more fond of her. Am I really being an asshole?”
Probably not surprising, but comments were overwhelmingly in support of this little boy getting to be the flower boy he always dreamed of.
“‘Parents will be uncomfortable?’ Oh my God, LET them! Who cares?!” one commenter marvels.
“In my experience, the kind of people who will complain that someone needs to understand that ‘not everything is about them’ — especially in reference to a child — are projecting the fact that they’re a grown damn adult and they still want everything to be about themselves instead,” observes another.
“NTA,” agrees a third, continuing. “If your bride-to-be is more concerned with her family’s comfort level than including her soon to be step son, then maybe the two of you are not ready for marriage.”
Truly, the bride’s homophobic-ass family can deal with it: If they’re uncomfortable at a loved one’s wedding because *checks notes* a child is holding flowers, I literally don’t know how to help them.
I know lots of women have very particular images of their wedding day — and that’s totally fine. But when you marry a person who already has a child, you have to understand that they’re always going to need consideration. At the end of the day, this is an incredibly small detail, but it’s one that will start your relationship with this child as his official stepmother on a good foot. What an excellent opportunity! Don’t waste it, Future Mrs. Goose!
