What Happens To Curfew & Other Rules When Kids Turn 18?

Legally speaking, you become an adult when you turn 18. But in reality, that line is a whole lot fuzzier. I was 18 in the second half of my senior year of high school, but does a real adult go to gym class? Or prom? Or worry about which burned mix CD she’s going to play in her Toyota Tercel when she drives her crush home from school next week?

Mom and TikTok user Carolyn (@glam_carolyn) recently ran into this issue with her son, who is graduating this month (congrats)! In discussing the big accomplishment, he brought up the issue of his curfew.

Carolyn asked him what he meant by that.

“‘Well,’” she recalls him telling her, “‘I just kind of feel like I’m grown now. I’m 18, I’m out of school. I shouldn’t have a curfew.’”

“When you say grown,” Carolyn asked, “what do you mean?”

“Like you and dad. Grown.”

Now, it’s not my job to tell this young man (emphasis on the “young”) that he’s overplayed his hand here. Fortunately, Carolyn hopped right on that train of thought and went on to list some things that she and her husband — two grown people — do that demonstrates their grown-ness.

“I said, well, me and dad pay bills, we take care of you and your siblings and we take care of ourselves,” she recalled. “Are you going to take care of yourself? Are you going to pay bills? ... Are we still expected to pay for your college payments, your car, your insurance? And from June to August until you leave for college are we expected to provide housing for you?”

Obviously, Carolyn.

“It sounds like you’re a dependent sir,” she concluded. “And all the dependents in my house have a curfew.”

Disappointed, her son apparently said this was something he’d be discussing with his dad.

“I said OK,” Carolyn replied, before adding the coup de grâce. “He don’t even know his daddy got a curfew...”

But it does raise the question: when is it reasonable for an adult child to expect full adult privileges? When they’re no longer living at home? Once they reach a certain age? When they’re contributing to the household? And what kind of curfew is reasonable? (In comments, Carolyn shared that her son had a 1 a.m. curfew.) Commenters had some thoughts...

“In my Mexican household my sister had a curfew until 30,” one commenter laughed.

“After seeing the curfew is 1 a.m., I think that's totally reasonable,” said another adding a sentiment shared by many others, “Nothing GOOD is happening after 1 a.m.”

“How he going to say he has to talk to Dad like that’s your supervisor?” asked one scandalized commenter. “Boy lucky you his momma!”

“No curfew, but this door locks once I go to my room to go to sleep,” suggested another (who clearly did not grow up in a house where their parents went to bed at 8 p.m.)

I don’t know what the answer is here, but I’m glad that I not only to have a few years to figure out but to have Carolyn as one possible role model on how to handle this issue!