The Funny Parents Of Twitter On Why We All Deserve A Drink

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 
"You say I drink too much. I say my kids are still alive."  tweet by a parent

Nothing pairs with the trials and tribulations of life with small kids like alcohol. At the end of a long day of what feels like futile parenting efforts, pouring a hefty glass of pinot (or bourbon or beer or moonshine…we don’t judge) can help it all feel better. As you take that first sip and your toddler’s day of screaming directly at your face fades into the darkest recesses of your memory, a little drink can make all the difference so you’re ready to face the music again tomorrow.

Because it will all still be there tomorrow. Good god, keep pouring.

The funny parents of Twitter totally understand the power of alcohol in soothing the worst parts of parenting and are here to make you laugh with these hilarious tweets about how well parenting pairs with pinot. And craft beer. And vodka. Just read the tweets.

1.You’re gonna have to learn to chug.

When you’re parent, time is at a premium. Don’t waste it not drinking.

2. Tough love.

If you’re going to keep reproducing, it’s on your friends and family to keep you well-stocked with wine. It’s more valuable than diapers after kid number three.

3. Shhh mommy has a headache.

It’s the flu. That’s the story we’re going with or your iPad is mine.

4. Shrug.

Maybe don’t judge so much. We’re all very happy over here.

5. No thank you please.

Seriously. Until Shakeology has vodka mix-ins, we don’t want to hear it. Shoo.

6. How dare you.

That’s right, we’re probably even cuter.

7. *bottle smashes*

Well. That’s one way to get kicked out of a Chuck E. Cheese. Worth it.

8. Literally any liquor at all will do.

Even that bottle of Sour Apple Puckers your younger sister brought for Christmas Eve seven years ago that’s been sitting up on the shelf. Now’s not the time to be selective.

9. Check, please.

Only two? It must be early.

10. Truth.

Just a little something to take the edge off when your preschooler kicks in your spleen.

11. That’s literally it.

Did we just become best friends? I think we just became best friends.

12. Parenting Level: Actual Wizard

What could be more magical than a nighttime grocery trip to get mommy’s favorite coping mechanisms? Saddle up, kids!

13. Blame it all on them.

So your recycling bin is as full as your diaper genie? Welcome to parenting.

14. A complex equation.

It’s always worth the spills. No math necessary.


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