Parents Aren’t Letting Their Teens Spread Their Wings On Vacations — And It’s Hurting Their Development

Do you remember going on vacation as a teenager? In my family, we spent most of the day together, but my brother and I had plenty of opportunities for excursions. We’d go to the shops along the beach, hit up the boardwalk, or get ice cream while our parents handled the younger siblings. We knew where and when to meet back up and really didn’t think much of it.

But it seems that classic vacation experience is a thing of the past for many teens today. According to a recent survey from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, parents of 13 to 18 year olds prefer to keep them close.

More than 1,000 parents of teens were surveyed and while the vast majority —81% — had been on a vacation or overnight trip in the past few years, one in five say they have never allowed their teen to be away from them while on a vacation. For those who allow their kids to be a bit more free-range, there’s still some connection required. About 64% required phone check-ins, and 62% had them stay with friends or siblings. About as many — 59% — report tracking their teen’s cell phone.

Less than a third (31%) would let their teen walk a short distance to a coffee shop and less than a quarter (21%) would let their child split off from parents at a museum or amusement park.

But it goes beyond allowing kids to go off on their own: less than half (46%) said they would be “very likely” to let their teen stay in the hotel room while the parents/rest of the family went to the hotel for breakfast. Just 29% would be inclined to let their teen stay at the hotel while parents went to dinner.

It seems this is not due to a lack of trust. While 36% of girl-parents and 47% of boy-parents worry that their kids will do something dumb, 64% overall are very confident their teen would abide by their rules if they were given more freedom on vacation. But more than half worry about an accident or injury, 41% to 70% worry about their teen being approached by a stranger (41% of boy parents and 70% of girl parents).

“Time away from parents, especially in new settings like vacations or family trips, can be an important step in helping teens build the confidence, decision-making, and self-management skills they’ll need as adults,” the poll notes, continuing. “Parents may believe they are shielding their teens from possible harm, but being overprotective limits teens’ ability to develop important life skills such as navigating unfamiliar situations, assessing risk, making decisions, or simply building confidence in their own abilities.”

Certainly there’s balance to be had. No one is suggesting teens should be left entirely to their own devices on vacation or that a quick text check-in is unreasonable. But the risk/reward analysis generally speaks in favor of a little but more independence than we might be otherwise inclined toward.

Take a breath, take the leap, and trust that you’ve instilled enough good parenting in your children for them to start taking care of themselves a little bit more.