A Dad Complained That His Wife’s Life Is “Cooler” Than His & People Had Thoughts

There’s not much that can ruin a marriage faster than resentment. It can build up over days, months, and years, festering and growing while you silently seethe at your partner. And the bitterness about a marriage being “unfair” can be hard to reverse once it’s really settled in.

This week on Reddit, in the Vent forum, a dad and husband had to get a resentment off of his chest. Very simply, he’s resentful that his wife “leads a much cooler life” than he does.

Let’s hear what he has to say.

“My wife works two days a week, one weekend day and one weekday, while I work full time making the large majority of our income. Her job is very important (medical field), and she is a great mom, does a ton of housework, and is all around a wonderful person. I’m fully taking all of that into account when I vent here,” he begins.

And here’s where the issue starts (for him).

“Now that the kids are back in school, she has a TON of free time to do whatever she wants,” he laments. “She goes to yoga, surfs, swims, goes to long lunches with friends, reads, hikes, finds little fun projects to work on, etc. She is at a Major League Baseball game with some mom friends today, for example. She leads a super cool life! The problem is that I’d love to have that same life, too! We have lot of the same interests, she just gets to enjoy them while I work all the time, making all the money that allows her and the kids to lead amazing lives.”

Even on the weekends, he doesn’t feel like he gets the carefree time that she does.

“When it’s the weekend, my ‘free time’ is largely attending obligatory activities like kids’ sporting events and extended family activities, or doing house maintenance stuff, often while solo parenting,” he continues. “I don’t dislike these things by any means, but it’s not exactly free time. I get out and about here and there, but probably at about a 1/5 scale when compared to her.”

Later, he clarifies that his wife is an ICU nurse who works two 12-hour shifts (so, that’s more than half-time) and that he can’t work less due to his office job in tech.

So, what did Reddit say to his guy and his super-cool wife? Basically, the guy can vent all he wants, but he needs to check his resentment and get on with what sounds like a pretty charmed life.

“If venting here is enough for you, then congrats,” reads the most popular comment. “That’s an amazing cope. Just be careful- don’t let the jealousy and resentment grow and ruin what you have.”

Another tried to add some really important perspective to the conversation.

“I wish I had this problem,” one dad wrote. “Most parents work full-time and still come home to cook, clean, and manage the kids. I’d love if my wife could focus entirely on the household and the kids while I handled work, even if it meant longer hours for me... Personally I wouldn’t compare myself to the free time you[r] wife has but instead to what other parents lives look like who both work full time.”

Many others (mostly dads) suggested that it would be easy to balance things out with just a little more time for him to enjoy without the family.

“Make sure you take some guilt-free time for yourself, be it at night, on the weekend, or using PTO. For example, I’ll go have beers with the boys on a weeknight after the kids go to bed,” one dad suggested.

“If you have friends, take a boys trip,” another advised. “If you play golf, join a league or something similar. Her flexibility can be deployed to give you time and activities as well. Yours just requires communication and planning.”

“Spend some money to outsource some of the home maintenance, and free up some more time on your weekends,” another suggested.

All really simple and good ideas!

A few women chimed in as well to offer the other perspective.

“I’m sure her free time wasn’t completely hers for a long time since you have kids,” one said, to which the OP agreed wholeheartedly.

“She cooks, cleans, helps the kids with homework,” another mom wrote. “I am in similar situation as your wife... I have free time when the kids at school but I do dinner, dishes, homework. I can watch TV at 10 pm .. I still work 6-7 hours at home. I do bills, repairs, kids activities. My husband is jealous because I get occasional lunches with girlfriends.”

As with so many issues related to resentment, it’s so important to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and really think about what they are experiencing from their end. It’s also important to look for solutions to find a new balance, like finding some more time to take for yourself. You can vent, but don’t let these feelings fester.