From The Confessional: My Husband Has A Porn Addiction

From The Confessional: My Husband Has A Porn Addiction

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No matter how you personally feel about it, people like porn. Some of these husbands, however, like it a little too much.

According to the American Psychological Association, various international studies have put porn consumption rates at 50 percent to 99 percent among men, and 30 percent to 86 percent among women. Some people are totally okay with porn consumption as part of their marriage — viewed both individually and together — but in some cases, that enjoyment can turn into an obsession.

In these confessions, wives are opening up about their husband’s porn problems and how it’s affecting their marriage. Some spouses downright despise any tiny bit of porn playing a role in their husband’s sexual attentions. Others are just totally stressed about how much porn is playing a role in those attentions. Especially when it affects their lives as a whole.

Confessional #25787254

“My husband had a porn addiction before we got married. I don’t mind porn, but it was so bad that it ruined our sex life. So he quit. He’s back at it again now that we’re married with a kid, and he basically said he won’t stop. I feel so trapped.”

Confessional #25176352

“My husband has a porn addiction. I know some wives are ok with it but I can’t do it. Makes me sick to my stomach when he tries to hug me or touch me. This is the 3rd time he said he would stop but I bet he’s still looking.”

Confessional #21805739

“DH has destroyed 4 computers, 2 smart phones, and our marriage with his porn addiction.”

When pornography use becomes excessive, romantic relationships can suffer. In a 2012 study, Destin Stewart, Ph.D., and Dawn Szymanski, Ph.D., at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, surveyed female college students and found that those who perceived their boyfriends’ porn use to be problematic experienced lower self-esteem, poorer relationship quality and lower sexual satisfaction.

The difference between male and female porn use is notable, too. Another study found that when men used porn, they tended to report lower levels of sexual intimacy in their real-life relationships. When women used porn, however, intimacy increased.

Confessional #12753671

“I read an article about porn addiction being on the rise and how it's ruining marriages like crazy. Now when H works out of town I send him dirty pics and videos of me in the hopes that he'll jerk off to those instead of porn. We both love it!”

Confessional #12301448

“My H has a porn addiction. Pure, straight up addiction. Now that he is starting to get help for it, he is being diagnosed with OCD. I asked wtf his obsession was? And they said, porn and sex with other women. I think I died inside.”

Confessional #9617344

“I will never admit to DH how computer savvy I really am. He has no clue that I know all about his porn addiction, affairs with various sluts, "items" purchased online, and so on. All this is on my flash drive now for when I file for divorce.”

These studies also show that men and women typically use different types of porn. Men are more often very visual and drawn to videos showing sex acts absent of context. Women, though, tend to watch porn with more engaging storylines and softer angles.

Some couples benefit from consuming porn together. Others, not so much. Both studies show that when one partner uses porn at a high frequency — typically the men in the heterosexual couples Bridges has studied — there can be a tendency to withdraw emotionally from the relationship. Those men report increased secrecy, less intimacy and sometimes depression.

Confessional #8590124

“DH porn addiction has ruined our marriage. I’ve started sexchatting strangers out of spite. We just pretend things are ok. I hate it and don’t know what to do next because we have kids.”

Confessional #1775713

“My boyfriend just went to the bathroom and streamed porn through the living room speaker where my kid was playing but luckily didn't notice. I think he has a porn addiction. Not sure if we should live together now.”

Confessional #1734544

“So exhausted from monitoring DH porn addiction, I got off to one of the videos he has been hiding from me. Still mad at him though.”

Whether or not pornography is a diagnosable addiction (and the jury is still out on that, psychologically-speaking), it’s clear it can be very hurtful for some people. Understanding what drives the behavior is a necessary step toward finding effective treatments for people who can’t control the urge to engage with porn.