Principal Finds Dead Squirrel In Kid's Backpack, Hilarity Ensues

A dead squirrel and a call from the principal — how’s your morning going?

All parents know that momentary feeling of dread that washes over you when you see the school’s phone number flash across your screen. Is he sick? Is he in trouble? Is my day about to be effed because I have to drop everything and pick him up?

The moment of dread usually passes when we pick up the phone and it’s some totally benign robocall reminding us about the PTA meeting. But what happens when the principal is on the other end? And she tells you that your son just made her day — because he’s currently storing a dead squirrel in his backpack? Ladye M. Hobson actually experienced this, and lucky for all of us posted the exchange on Facebook, where it’s currently going wildly viral.

“When the principal calls to tell you that your son has made her day, so you get excited for the good news… Only to find out that the faculty has discovered a dead squirrel in his backpack (yeah, that 50 dollar Pottery Barn backpack).”

This is the point in the conversation where every parent would just sit down, give up, and probably think, “I’ve got nothing. Nothing. No words.”

She continues her story, “When asked by the principal what possessed him to pick up this dead squirrel and store it in his backpack, my son replies with ‘I really wanted squirrel dumplings for dinner tonight.'”

DEAD.

“The principal definitely has a good sense of humor and is a sweetheart. His teacher actually did not find any humor in the situation at all!” Hobson tells Scary Mommy. “My son is eight. Yes I know, I thought we were past this sort of foolery.”

“Then, she asks if I actually want the squirrel to come home with him,” she writes. That’s it. That may just be the best part of the entire story. “Y’all, I had to explain that we are from the country, but we’re not THAT country. (Sorry if any of you actually eat squirrel dumplings – I don’t mean that to be offensive).”

Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

“She said ‘it looked so peaceful lying there in his bag,’ then sent me this picture…”

This principal is officially the best. Let’s just take a moment to appreciate the horror mom was saved from with this discovery. Can you imagine reaching into your kid’s backpack and feeling that?

Hopefully this story has given us all some perspective. That soggy lunchbox your kid brought home because he shoved his half-empty juice box in there again is not that bad.

It could be worse.