Just so we’re clear, a queef isn’t actually a vaginal fart. A fart is a result of bacterial gut activity. A queef happens when air gets caught in your vagina. Your vagina isn’t a wind tunnel; it has folds called rugae. Think of it like when you put a sticker on and find an air pocket. If you push on the pocket, air will come out. So when an object (finger, sex toy, penis) is continuously entering the vaginal canal, it traps air in there. Upon removal, your vagina makes a sound you can only compare to a deflating balloon. No matter when it happens (and queefs happen anytime), it’s awkward. But when it happens during sex, it can be super awkward.
Queefs happen to me all of the time. I call myself “Sir Queefs A lot” because they just randomly escape. Especially during sex. Seriously, I have so many stories about queefing during sex I could be here for hours. Full disclosure, I’m in a relationship with a woman and don’t engage in hetero sex. Sometimes that means there’s a higher likelihood of air getting into my vagina. At this point, my partner and I just laugh whenever it happens. You can let it derail your sexy time, but why? It’s mainly just noise, and while it’s distracting, it’s harmless. If you feel like you must acknowledge it, don’t spend a lot of time harping on it.
Bodies are weird in general. But somehow sex manages to exacerbate all of those weird things. Queefs are definitely one of the weirdest things that can happen during sex. Because you’re really in the moment and then you hear that “pffttt,” which can totally take you out of it. Not to mention, they feel kind of weird. Knowing that they’re totally normal is reassuring, but that doesn’t mean it’s not weird. I remember once during sex, my vag was doing rapid fire queefs. At first, I was so embarrassed, even though my partner is well aware of my vaginal toots. But after the like, third one, she just started laughing. Then I started laughing, which totally made me feel better.
Fun fact: if you’ve had a baby (or several), you’re more likely to queef during sex. As we know, pregnancy and childbirth can make your pelvic floor weaker. Doing pelvic floor exercises can help, but they will not make your cooter shooter toot-proof. You should also be aware that if you’ve lost a significant amount of weight, you may be more prone to queefing. Remember, more folds of skin down there, more chances for air to hide.
“Some women are more prone to queefing than others,” Tamika K. Cross, M.D., FACOG, a board certified OB/GYN based in Houston, TX tells Cosmopolitan. She adds that the shape and length of a person’s vaginal canal can make a difference to their queef frequency. And vaginal lubrication is a factor too. So if you tend to have a wetter vagina during arousal, you’ll likely hear that poot poot more often.
In the same article, Dr. Vanessa Cullins, the vice president of external medical affairs at Planned Parenthood shared another helpful tidbit. “Your vagina also expands when you’re turned on, which makes more room for air.” See? Queefs are science, not something to be embarrassed by.
Remember, queefs during sex aren’t something you can avoid. Unlike a fart, you can’t hold in a queef. It’s coming whether you like it or not. But if you want to be mindful of your cooter toots, there are certain positions you might want to steer clear of. Basically any position where your pelvis is lifted makes you a queef target. So if you like doing it on your hands and knees? Might want to skip it. That position is just asking air to get in your vagina. Trust me, I know from experience.
Once I was on my hands and knees while my partner used her fingers. It got quite enthusiastic, and when she pulled them out? My vagina let out the longest, wettest queef ever. Talk about a deflating balloon! And you know what? It was no big deal. We actually had a good long laugh about it. It’s still something we talk about because of its hilarity. You can’t take yourself seriously when that happens.
Another time, I let one out with my partner’s head in between my legs. Talk about embarrassing. Again, things were getting enthusiastic and I felt it happening. Remember, increasing vaginal lubrication makes it more likely you’ll let one rip. The only thing I could do was tell my vag to get it together in between laughing fits.
You shouldn’t worry about queefing during sex. Yes, it can be awkward, but if this is your long term partner, who cares? Chances are they’ve seen you do worse. Really, it’s only a big deal if you make it a big deal. It can actually be a compliment to your partner (or yourself because queefs happen solo too). Sex in general is weird and messy and sometimes noisy. Let’s be honest, there are worse sounds during sex than the sound of a whoosh of air coming out of your vagina.
However, if you’re really feeling uncomfortable about queefing during sex, just talk about it with your partner. Chances are they don’t mind at all. “I think it’s better to just quickly acknowledge it and laugh it off,” sex therapist Vanessa Marin tells HuffPost. “That way you don’t have to sit there thinking about it, anxiously wondering whether or not your partner heard it.”
Queefs during sex happen. Embarrassing as they are, there’s no way you can stop them from happening. So instead of freaking out and letting it mess up your good time, lean into it. Laugh at yourself! Make a good joke. Hell, you can just make the same sound if you can feel it coming. Sex is supposed to be a fun time!