My boyfriend has this thing he loves to do with me when we are in the grocery store or Target: He comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “Well, hello, Miss,” as if he doesn’t know me.
When he first started doing this two years ago when we were newly dating, I figured it was the novel relationship that was getting me so turned on.
Nope, he still does it, and it still gets me just as hot as it did the first time he did it. Not to mention, it’s given me the courage to experiment with role playing in the bedroom — something I’d never done before I met him.
Because he made the first role-playing move, I was able to follow his lead and go along.
Let’s get real: having sex with the same person for years can get a bit redundant. It’s okay to admit that, and it’s okay to want something a little more exciting when it comes to getting busy in the bedroom. After all, variety is the spice of life. No one I know eats the same thing every day, and our lady parts are no different.
We crave different feelings, emotions, and sensations. A great way to do that with your partner is to role play. I realize it can make most of us cringe just thinking about ourselves doing it though. That’s normal and natural. I mean, most of us don’t like hearing ourselves talk on a video much less acting out a scenario where we are pretending to be someone else while seducing our partners.
Scary Mommy talked with a few sex experts via email about how we can get things cooking in the role playing area if we are craving a way to turn it up a notch, or we just want to do it but have never had the courage.
SKYN Sex & Intimacy Expert, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author Gigi Engle has advice for how to ease your mind and get comfortable with role-playing. “The idea is to get totally into character. It’s almost like making your own porno. In fact, pretending to be in a porno might be role-play.”
Now, that’s a great idea. Watch a porno, then reenact your favorite part. You don’t have to tape it but hell, if you do, that might be throwing another flame onto your fiery relationship, which can up your intimacy.
‘This is a choose your own adventure kind of sex thing,” says Engle. Look at it this way: role-playing is a break from normal, vanilla sex. “It’s a chance to explore fantasies and kinks outside of your routine. You can be anyone you want to be, do anything you want to do,” she says.
Treating role-playing like an exciting, new game you are both learning can be fun and help get things started.
It’s important to remember, there is no right or wrong way to participate. “As long as you’re being safe and conscientious of everything and everyone around you,” says Engle.
It doesn’t have to be a big ordeal with costumes and weird lighting, either. You can make it simple and do something like pretending you are a certain character and talking dirty to your partner.
However, you may be looking for more elaborate scenes — ones with costumes and gear. If that’s the case, this is a great time to break out some sex toys or accessories.
“Say, for example, you want to do a college student/professor role play. You can go to the store and buy a coed-esque outfit and a pair of fake glasses for your partner,” says Engle.
We also talked with Megan Harrison, a relationship therapist (LMFT), who runs Couples Candy, a project dedicated to providing couples with information to help promote happy and successful relationships.
She suggests starting out with my favorite way to role play — you and your partner act like you are strangers and are meeting for the first time.
This is how you do it:
Set up a date night, and you both agree on a time and place to meet. “One of you gets there first, dressed very differently from your usual style of attire. The other arrives and you both pretend not to know each other,” she says.
You start flirting, buying each other drinks, and before you know it you will settle into this game, even if you feel self-conscious at first.
Think about it: even if it doesn’t go as planned and you end up laughing at yourselves the whole night, that can still bring you closer together and you will always have a funny story to share.
And best case scenario is that you will have found something that keeps you both engaged and super hot when it comes to sexy time simply by getting to be someone else for a few minutes, or hours. (Hey, everyone’s stamina is different, and we don’t judge.)
If you’ve always wanted to try this but have a hard time talking with your partner about it, you can send them this article. Or, the next time you are in a public place together, come up behind them, act like you don’t know them, and you may be very surprised at how fun and exciting role-playing can be.
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