Listen, we all know salespeople have a bad reputation. They’re known to be hustlers who will smooth talk their clients, promise the world on a silver platter, and often sell fool’s gold as the real thing. After all, Alec Baldwin’s memorable Glengarry Glen Ross mantra of “Always be closing” is iconic for a reason. But think of it another way, salespeople hustle and work hard, their power of persuasion is directly tied to their charm, they are confident, and their resilience knows no bounds. And also, some of your most favorite pop culture characters are salespeople. Think The Office‘s Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, even sweet Jim Halpert.
So, in honor of the humorous side of the business, we went ahead and rounded up the funniest sales jokes even your used car salesperson will giggle at.
Sales Jokes and Puns
- Why did the shoe salesman dance all day?
He had a lot of sole.
- How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?
“His lips are moving”
- Why was the salesperson fired from their job selling amplifiers?
They didn’t achieve a sufficient volume of sales.
- Why did the salesperson quit selling Velcro?
They couldn’t stick with it.
- What’s a good name for an insurance salesman?
- How did Yoda get his first lead?
He used the SalesForce.
- Salesperson: “This computer will cut your workload by 50%.”
Office manager: “That’s great! I’ll take two of them.”
- What salesperson has the slickest line?
A hair grease salesperson.
- What are the three measures a sales manager is known for:
A) The thickness of the carpet in his office. B) The area of his desk. C) The volume of his car’s engine
- How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
“Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m better than you.”
- What does a carpet salesperson give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
Rugs and kisses.
- What do you have to know to be a real estate salesperson?
- Salesperson: “Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?”
Customer: “No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.”
- What does a hat salesman drink to get him going in the morning?
- The salesman claimed the shoes were made from alligator, but I knew it was a crock.
- Always trust a glue salesman.
They tend to stick to their word.
- A guy who used to sell boomerangs is trying for a comeback.
- A sales manager was addressing an underperforming sales team at the start of a new month:
“We are going to have a sales contest this month. The winners will get to enter next month’s contest.”
- Salesperson schmoozing at a dinner party:
“Oh, you work 40 hours a week? Yeah, I remember my first part-time job too.”
- Boss: “Did you get any orders today?”
Salesman: “Yes, I got two!” Boss: “Congratulations! What were they?” Salesman: “Get out!” and “Stay out!”
- Patient: “Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.”
Doctor: “Why is that?” Patient: “I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.”
- A customer approached a sales associate and said, “You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says ‘100 percent cotton.’”
The salesman replied, “Oh, that’s just to keep the moths away.”
- As a rock salesman, I’ve had great success with money.
Sometimes I take it for granite.
- Did you hear about the traveling pasta salesman?
His commission was penne’s on the dollar.
- Traveling salesman walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Why the long face?” The salesman replies, “Amazon.”
- Bought a Christmas tree today. The salesman asked if I was going to put it up myself.
I said no. It’s going in my living room.
- What does a cowboy car salesman say?
- A man’s wife left him for a tractor salesman.
She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.
There were no strings attached.
- What do you call a bike tire salesman?
- What’s the difference between a used car salesman and a computer salesman?
A used car salesman knows when he’s lying.
- My first job was as a door-to-door salesman.
I sold “no soliciting” signs.
- Why did the girl fall in love with a ginger ale salesman?
She was Schwepped off her feet.
- Did you hear about the battery salesman?
He charged too much but got positive reviews.
- The salesperson showed us a PowerPoint presentation on the water park we’re going to.
It has several slides.
- What’s the difference between a brick salesperson and a boxer?
One stocks rocks and the other rocks socks.
- Why did the team of German salespeople get thrown out of the convention for sausages?
Because one of them was behaving like the wurst person ever.
- What did the sales leader say when the telemarketer asked her if she read any magazines?
She said, “I do periodically.”
- What did the sales rep say when his manager said, “The word ‘impossible’ is not in my dictionary!”
He replied, “Sir, didn’t you check inside before buying it?”
- Three violin manufacturers have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.
After years of peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop put a sign in the window that said, “We make the best violins in Italy.” The Guarneri shop soon followed suit and put a sign in their window proclaiming, “We make the best violins in the world.” Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop that said, “We make the best violins on the block.”
- A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He impressed the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally, to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the “unbreakable” comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.”
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