7 Things Most Of Us Want From Our Spouses

by A. Rochaun
Originally Published: 
Thomas Lai Yin Tang/Getty

There’s no shortage of things I wish my partner would do differently. At the same time, I know he probably has the same complaints about me.

We’ve communicated our needs to each other in the past. We didn’t always follow through. And we often ended up fighting over whos needs are most often neglected.

Besides, your partner fulfilling those needs seems a little less significant when you have to prompt them to do it. In a perfect world, we’d all feel loved and affirmed because our loved ones would know the best way to support us via attention to detail and intuition. Unfortunately, we don’t live in that world.

Still, there’s hope that you will get better at making your partner feel good — and I want to help make that happen.

The following is a list of small things we often wish our partners would do without asking.


It might seem simple, but you’d be shocked at the number of folks, especially mothers, who would love to have pictures taken without having to beg. Out of the thousands of images around the house, maybe five of them included me without me having to ask first.

I don’t get it. What’s so hard about including your partner in pictures with the kids? And why do so many folks overlook our desire to have a full family picture?

Before going any further in this list, get up and go take a family picture. If it means going old school and buying a selfie stick so everyone is in the frame, so be it!

2. Be intentional.

This one covers a lot of things. Being intentional means different things for different folks. For some, it means keeping track of what supplies are low around the house and making a list. For others, it means making sure you’re picking up and cleaning just as much as you’re making things dirty. But for all, it was about equal effort around the house, respect, and thinking about more than oneself.

3. Help tidy the house.

An important subset of being intentional is going beyond the typical chores – the usual things like taking out the trash and washing dishes – to helping refill towels and toilet tissue in the restroom or even dusting around the house. The small things are often overlooked, but they’re no less important. Believe me, there’s no shortage of things to do around the house.

Hell, maybe you can even start decluttering. Whatever brings you joy.

4. Meal prep.

Again, helping with meals varies in appearance between families. “It’s levels to this stuff” — and yea, I know that’s weird grammar. There are folks who want to make sure their partners share the cooking responsibilities and others who just want the other parent to do little things, like making sure the kid’s foods are in small digestible bites after they’ve prepared dinner.

The best way that you can make your home run smoother is by doing something. Whatever your home’s version of “help” looks like, get to it.

5. Share the family scheduling responsibilities.

Typically, there’s one parent who’s tasked with being the family secretary. In my family, that person is me. I’m the go-to for medical appointments, family updates, and just about anything else pertaining to the kids. It’s exhausting.

For the love of god! If you care for your partner’s emotional stability, try alternating who plays family secretary, especially medical appointments.

6. Unexpected affirmations.

It’s easy to feel lousy when we’re surrounded by criticisms and bad news. We can cut back on all of that with more affirmations for our loved ones. I might be biased since “words of affirmation” is my love language, but I think nice messages hold the power to heal the world.

If you’re like my guy and are bashful about saying sappy things out loud, don’t fret. You can google a host of verbal and nonverbal messages. A few quick suggestions are leaving sweet sticky notes around the house, writing compliments in the shower fog on the bathroom mirror, or getting your babe’s favorite snack and sending it in on the kid or the pets.

It’s nice to be nice, right?!

7. More oral.

I mean, this one doesn’t require much explanation. A lot of folks in M/F relationships reported being less than satisfied, sexually. There are plenty of reports about it so I’m not gonna go into too much detail.

But we can all use more orgasms regardless of orientation or gender. So how about we all spend more time trying to give so we have room when we want to receive? When ya think about it, this could apply to every area of our lives, not just the bedroom.

It’s worth noting that none of us are perfect partners. We all have room for growth – I know I do. If you’re anything like me, you could stand to do a few of these things more often yourself. If we communicate with love and compassion, I know we can all be better partners.

Now go forth and change your relationship for the better!

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