I have had the distinct pleasure of raising two teenage daughters and, lucky me, I have another one just entering that breakdown inducing stage that makes me willing to sell my soul for the return of those terrible twos. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way…
1. Your moment-to-moment level of happiness is now at the mercy of changing hormones that bring forth dramatic emotional outbursts.
2. Eye rolling can indeed be perfected to an art.
3. If you aren’t already, you should become fluent in sarcasm. This will be important. As will knowing your alphabet…..ILY, IDK, BRB, LOL, GTG, etc.
4. That coveted item of clothing she just had to have? Fifty bucks says you’ll find it on the floor of the closet or, my personal favorite, under the bed. With the tags still attached.
5. You should get comfortable with the fact that you are now the world’s biggest dork. Until she remembers that you are the world’s biggest dork…..with a credit card.
6. Prepare to be told, again and again, that you will never understand and that nothing is fair. You may even have the word ‘hate’ thrown at you a time or two.
7. Realize that texting is the only acceptable means of communication and that there will always be a charged cell phone at her disposal. Still, your chances of receiving a response are 50/50…and that’s being generous.
8. Five more minutes should always be multiplied by six.
9. No matter how intelligent you think you are, you know absolutely nothing.
10. The moment you think you have her figured out, she will up and change the rules.
Any of these ring a bell? Congratulations! You are the (questionably) proud parent of a teenaged daughter.
It will be hard because she doesn’t understand it any more than you do. In fact, you may understand it more since you’ve been here before. The road rules may have changed a little lot, but it’s still the same road.
What I can offer you this glimmer of hope: It is highly likely that this alien who has swallowed your sweet baby girl will one fine day spit out a lovely human in the form of an adult whose company you will greatly enjoy.
Until that day, straighten your spine and gird you loins. And even if you really don’t like her much, love her right through it.
Related post: I Made It To Hell and Back With My Teenage Daughter
This article was originally published on