Life With Toddlers, As Told By The Funniest Parents On Twitter

by Valerie Williams
Originally Published: 

Having a baby is overwhelming. You might think it couldn’t get any harder than the sleepless nights and endless diapers but low and behold, a few years later, you have a toddler. Life with a toddler is arguably more challenging than anything a tiny baby can throw at you.

They talk, but not always well enough to be understood. They feed themselves, but (almost always) not well enough to avoid an epic mess at every meal. They have tantrums, use markers on your throw pillows and have very little respect for your schedule or your sanity. Adorable though they may be, life with a toddler is flat-out exhausting at best, and totally frustrating at worst.

Enter the hilarious parents of Twitter, who’ve found that if you can’t tame them, you may as well have laughs at their expense and share them with the internet. Here are the funniest tweets about life with a toddler, as told by the parents of Twitter.

1. We aren’t sure which version is worse

As a parent, you’ll spend more time crouched by the toilet encouraging another person to pee and poop than you ever imagined possible. As @marlebean reminds us, they love an audience and all that positive feedback. Hope you’re ready to get comfortable in your bathroom for a good year or two!

2. If you give a toddler a phone, they’ll probably destroy it.

No one can predict a toddler’s wily tantrums and nothing you own is ever totally safe because of that fact. Apparently, @iwearaonesie learned the hard way that this applies doubly to your phone.

3. Well, it would be easy to get them mixed up.

They’re tiny. They’re in twee little outfits. And they’re pissed. @OneFunnyMummy hilariously points out why it would be easy to mistake the two.

4. The most awake a person could possibly be.

Have you ever seen someone as ready to take on the world as a toddler in the pre-dawn hours? If there were an energy drink that produced that same effect in an adult, @simoncholland would buy it by the case. And we would be right behind him.

5. They’re so painfully predictable.

Not only do toddlers start the day full of energy, they’re also extremely set in their wake-up routine. You could put them to bed at 7pm or 10pm and they’ll still be up before sunrise. Look on the bright side, @DadandBuried — at least you’ll never be late for work.

6. Seriously, WHY are they so sharp?

Toddlers have nails sharp as a puppy‘s teeth and it’s never more evident than when you try to restrain them mid-tantrum and get slashed across the face. It’s cool though, @ParentNormal. Scars add character, right?

7. They aren’t exactly discriminating about it.

Oh, the horror stories every parent could tell about that awful moment they realized their toddler had something disgusting in their mouth. It’s a wonder they make it to age three without contracting the plague. We wonder what @amydillon dug out of her crafty toddler’s mouth?

8. There’s no sexier way to get things going.

They leave evidence of their existence everywhere they go, and your bedroom is no exception. Think you’re about to get lucky? Better make like @hazelmotes1 and move that tiny tractor first unless you want a very unpleasant surprise.

9. We don’t doubt she means it.

Is it dangerous? Could it potentially kill them? Of course, but as @jessokfine reminds us, that won’t stop a toddler from touching any old thing that catches their eye. At least this one was being upfront about it.

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