Ahh, weddings… Who doesn’t love them? There’s love and romance, charcuterie boards and hors d’oeuvres, cocktails and cheesy ‘80s music. What isn’t to love about weddings?
Well, the drama, for one. We all know that weddings can make people a little bonkers, to say the least. I once got into a weeks long “debate” with my mom over chair covers. Chair covers, people! (Side note: she came around to the idea and they looked freaking amazing, I might add.)
But sometimes the wedding madness goes beyond chair covers and decisions about whether to invite your cousin Carol and her bratty kids. Sometimes weddings can turn people into obnoxious asshats, who are dead set on sucking every ounce of joy out of the wedding in their misguided attempts to create the perfect wedding day. (Newsflash, folks: perfect is overrated.)
So lest you want to become the subject of wedding fodder, it’s best to avoid the following:
Making Guests Pay For Your Wedding
If you can believe it, this woman tried to charge each of her wedding guests $1,500 to attend the ceremony. Yes, you read that right. FIFTEEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS. And then when folks didn’t cough up the cash, she cancelled the wedding.
“How could we have OUR wedding that WE dreamed of without proper funding?” she wrote. “We sacrificed so much and only asked each guest for around $1,500.”
BAHAHAHAHA. We’re cry laughing too. We’ll give you a minute to wipe the tears from your eyes.
Kicking Bridesmaids Out Of The Wedding
Being asked to be in someone’s wedding party is a big responsibility. We get it. But you’re supposed to be friends, right?
Earlier this year, Twitter user Courtney Duffy shared an email she received from a bride kicking her out of the wedding posse. Duffy then took to social media with her tale, asking airline JetBlue to help her out.
“SOS JetBlue! Booked my X-C flights for a wedding, then was asked ‘to relinquish’ my ‘duties as a bridesmaid’ & mail my bridesmaid outfit X-C so another girl could fill in and wear it (Happy bday to me!),” she wrote. “I am laughing & crying & must avoid this wedding at all costs. Pls help?”
Issuing Ridiculous Demands To Wedding Guests
Yes, we understand that you want your big day to be “perfect.” But slow your roll, Janet, you are not the motherfucking queen of the universe here, so you can just CTFD with your requests for expensive gifts, bans on certain hairstyles, and fashion mandates.
This bridezilla from hell recently became internet (in)famous for her ridiculous list of demands that includes “do not wear white, cream or ivory” and “do not wear anything other than a basic bob or ponytail” and “must come with gift of $75 or more.”
We’re gonna go out on a limb and guess that the number of weddings guests was pretty low. As in we’d be surprised if anyone showed up at all.
Asking Your Wedding Party To Spend A Shit Ton Of Money On Dress, Travel, And Other Nonsense
Weddings aren’t generally known for being “cheap” or “easy,” so if a bride or groom asks us to be in their wedding party, we know it’ll come with a price tag.
We don’t expect to be asked to take out a second mortgage on our house, sell a kidney, or cash our kids’ college fund just to be able to be in your wedding. It’s bad enough that we’re asked to cough up several hundred dollars on an outfit we likely won’t wear again, please don’t ask us to pay for airline tickets to the other side of the globe just so you can get married in front of one of the Seven Wonders of the World. And while we’re at it, no, you can’t demand people to be flying across the globe on a separate trip to give you a “last fling before the ring” either.
Generally Being An Awful Human Being
Sometimes the bridezilla isn’t even the bride. This monster-of-the-bride wrote in to Salon’s Dear Prudence advice column asking whether it was okay to ask the bride to exclude her best friend – who happens to have a limp – from the wedding party. Yep, you read that right. This parent wanted to exclude their daughter’s BFF from the wedding party because she walks with a limp.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) September 6, 2017
There is so much wrong with this hot mess of a letter — not even sure where to start. First, this is one of the meanest and ugliest things ever written, and I can’t even believe this has to be said, but a limp is nothing to be ashamed of. Reminder: this isn’t even the parent’s wedding (but their daughter’s wedding), so back the fuck off, Mom (or Dad).
But most importantly, what the hell is wrong with this person?
As Daniel Mallory Ortberg, the voice behind the Dear Prudence column, concluded in his response letter: “I encourage you to profoundly reconsider the orientation of your heart.”