Trump Orders Creation Of An Actual 'Space Force'

by Valerie Williams
Image via Alex Wong/Getty Images

Trump tells Defense Department to establish a “Space Force”

Today, President Trump announced that he’s directing the Defense Department and Pentagon to set up a “Space Force” as the sixth United States military branch. The world is literally a god damn Saturday morning cartoon now, you guys. Our country’s leader is an evil villain and we’re about to get our very own Space Force™ branch of the military.

No, this isn’t a joke. Yes, we wish it were.

It was during a meeting of the National Space Council today that Trump announced his very Buzz Lightyear-like plan to create a Space Force. “I am hereby directing the Department of Defense and Pentagon to immediately begin the process necessary to establish a Space Force as the sixth branch of the armed forces,” he told the assembled group. “We are going to have the air force and we are going to have the space force. Separate but equal.”

Mother of god. He’s entirely serious. If you listen to him talk about this while imagining him as your uncle who’s slowly slipping into senility, it’s kind of hilarious. But when you realize this man is the literal President of the United States it takes on a decidedly darker vibe. He’s actually ordering a Space Force. To fight… space wars? What in the fuck is happening?

“Our destiny beyond the Earth is not only a matter of national identity but a matter of national security,” he said.

This isn’t the first time Trump has floated the idea of America having its own crew of interstellar warriors. Back in March, he first brought up the plan saying, “space is a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air, and sea.”

He ended his little speech with this baffling word salad.

Of course, Twitter came to the rescue with some very bleak humor to try and bring levity to the terrifying fact that a complete lunatic is currently running the country.

Perhaps the most disturbing part of today’s “what in the hell is happening to us”?” news is that by next week, it will all be forgotten. Replaced by something new and probably even more outlandish.

Until then, to idiocy….and beyond!