One woman’s response to an unsolicited dick pic might be the perfect defense against cyber-pervs
You would think by now men would have grown wise to the fact that women aren’t keen on receiving pictures of penises, wrinkly balls, and other accompanying anatomy via DM. And yet, dudes of the internet are seemingly stuck in the dick pic phase. Just ask Jenn Tisdale — Washington, D.C. resident, director of the Death Becomes Us True Crime Festival, and very recent recipient of an Instagram message showcasing a man’s obviously unwelcome member.
This time, though, Tisdale decided to do something other than the classic delete-and-block. She fabricated an entire faux app with which to psychologically torment the kamikaze dickster. ‘Twas a bit of tit for tat (or dick for tat, if you will). She revealed as much on Twitter, writing, “This morning I received an unsolicited dick pic via @instagram from a man I do not know. What follows is a beautiful story I wove about an app I made up, that should exist. Enjoy!”
This morning I received an unsolicited dick pic via @instagram from a man I do not know. What follows is a beautiful story I wove about an app I made up, that should exist. Enjoy! pic.twitter.com/7O9VDpwPct
— Jenn Tisdale C.U.N.T (@Jenn_Tisdale) February 2, 2020
In the ensuing conversation shared by Tisdale, she tells the cyber-flasher that the image he sent — one wrinkly ball-sliver of which we can woefully see in the thread — isn’t coming through.
“I have a photo blocker on IG,” she says, going on to say, “It’s very useful for women. Because sometimes very sad men. And I mean the saddest men. Men so so so sad, that women never touch them. Ya know the kind? Men so incredibly sad and unfuckable… They try to send inappropriate pics. So I downloaded an app that blocks them.”
Despite the dick-pic-sender’s laughably weak attempts to justify his behavior, Tisdale continues to describe this groundbreaking new app. “It’s called Cockblock which is funny because that’s what happens to those dudes in real life.” While she could have stopped there and this still would have gone down in history as one of the most brilliant dick-pic-clapbacks ever, Tisdale wasn’t done. Unsolicited dick pics are a form of sexual harassment, after all, and people who send them need to realize that there could be consequences for being such a literal wiener.
“It’s also very intuitive,” Tisdale told her spammer. “It immediately sends the image and profile to the local police. I will get a call from local law enforcement asking when I can come in to file a sexual harassment report. Men who have sent me dick pics have been arrested. It’s wild.”
According to Tisdale, she’s just doing her part to help women build a reliable repertoire of dick pic responses. “Regarding this particular response, it’s definitely a new addition to the playbook, the playbook being a Rolodex of responses to unsolicited dick pics,” she told Scary Mommy. “I know that the response men are looking for is either shock, disgust, or anger. I traffic in not giving men what they want in situations like this.”
Accordingly, this isn’t the only dick-pic-trick Tisdale has up her sleeve. “Sometimes I’ll feign ignorance with a series of questions such as, ‘What is that? No, really, I’ve never seen that before? Wait, is this something from National Geographic? I’m really unfamiliar with this species. Then again, I’m not an expert on animals,” she tells us.
She even coined a name for one classic standby response. “Another solid go-to is to respond with a dick pic from another dude. I call that the poker, as in, ‘I see your dick pic and I raise you another,'” she hilariously said. “It’s funny, these dudes love sending out pictures of their penises that no one has asked for but if they get one in return.. it sure turns the tables.”
Tisdale is also quick to point out that she is painfully aware that women everywhere are subjected to unsolicited dick pics every day and everyone responds differently. Some women are inspired to be subversive — like Soraya Doolbaz, who decided to channel her ire over dick pics into art by dressing dildos and turning them into high-fashion photos.
One woman, Kelsey Bressler, has even created a Twitter plugin that does, in fact, use AI to recognize and remove dick pics from private (cough) messages. Perhaps she and Tisdale can join forces to take this one step further and actualize Tisdale’s police alert idea. Until then, Tisdale is happy to give women another solid shut-down when they awake to a less-than-desirable message from some random dude.
“I’m very lucky because I can respond to these scenarios with amusement and comedy,” she told Scary Mommy. “I know a lot of people react quite differently and I do this for those people. No one deserves to have something in their box, in- or otherwise, that they didn’t ask for.”