My husband and I have never really had the time to be romantic. Even if it was his inclination, my husband has been working hard and providing for our family for his entire adult life. I can’t fault him for falling back on my low-maintenance tendencies and letting me make the plans for our dates. And while he has stepped it up in the thoughtfulness department lately, talk of a new rice cooker, stoneware baking sheets, and a kitchen remodel as gifts doesn’t exactly get me blushing.
I fully intend to rock his socks off regardless of what Valentine’s Day gifts he gives me, but let’s be real: This momma could use some serious pampering. So, if he were to ask what I want this Valentine’s Day, this is what I’d say.
Roses. The full-on dozens of red roses littering the house. And by littering, I mean tucked neatly into vases. Way up high, so none of the children can touch them. But everywhere. Everywhere up high.
Or lilies. Because those are my favorite.
Or both. Now we’re talking. Just remember, up high. No touchy by the kiddies.
A spa day where I’m pampered with a massage and mani-pedi aka “me time.” And liposuction. And new boobs. Too much? Just the spa day would be great. But I’m getting the gel nails, and you can’t stop me.
Take me to that nice restaurant that you’ve been hearing about. Sure, it’s too pricey for a normal date night, but it’s Valentine’s Day. Sweep me off my feet with my choice of an appetizer and two fruity beverages instead of the usual economical water.
Chocolate. If you could make it the super awesome fancy kind with pretty much zero calories, that’d be great. They don’t have anything like that? Then I’ll take the calories, and you can buy me some bigger clothes while you’re at it. Unless you can invent zero-calorie but still-amazing-tasting chocolate. I’ll wait.
Jewelry. Nothing gaudy or uber fancy. Something new that hasn’t lost its shine due to years of being worn around children’s bodily fluids and dirty dishes would be perfect.
Lingerie. Buy me something that excites you. Give me something that you can’t wait to see me in just so you can immediately tear it off of me. Let’s tear some holes in satin and lace rather than worn out cotton and denim.
Mind-blowing sex. Buy us a toy or two. Find a fun game. Always wanted to use a pair of handcuffs on me? Let’s do it! We have an excuse—it’s Valentine’s Day. Even though the reality is we don’t need an excuse to try something new, sometimes the extra nudge helps, amirite?
Cliché? Maybe. Okay, fine, definitely. But you know what? There’s a reason these are stereotypical Valentine’s Day gift ideas.
As a woman who has been a mother since before she could legally drink, I have missed out on being wooed, romanced, wined, dined and heartily lusted after. I wouldn’t trade my life as a mom or wife for any of that, but if I could have them at the same time?
Let’s just say, Father’s Day isn’t too far around the corner, and “steak and BJs” sounds just as cliché.
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