Where’s Mommy?

crying-mommy

I am with my children all day every day. I never leave, and if I do, they are with me. Every damn day.

So here’s what really pisses me off: The fact that I cannot leave the house to run a quick errand without all of my children acting as if I am never coming home again.

“I want to go with you, Mommy.”

“Why can’t I come?”

“I WANT TO GO WITH MOMMY!!!!!”

As I back out of the driveway I see my children’s faces and hands pressed up against the window, and they are all hysterically crying. Seriously? Why do you want to come with me? Aren’t you sick of me? I haven’t been overly nice to you today.

Here’s what I want: I want to go the grocery store without having to buy a cookie for you to eat before we even start shopping, or argue over why I won’t buy you another box of Cocoa Puffs, or have you run into my achilles tendon 5,000 times because I let you drive the kiddie cart again. I want to roam the store in an absolute daze looking at anything and everything to plain and simply waste time and avoid going home just yet. I want to NOT have to give you my iPhone to watch videos so I can shop in peace. Do you understand the judgmental glares I get from other moms who clearly don’t approve of my shopping methods?! Do you care?! No, you do not. You are selfish.

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Here’s what else I don’t get. You have a father who loves you with all of his heart. He’s the type of dad those sappy Father’s Day cards talk about. Sure, he works a lot, but when he is home, he genuinely wants to be with you. I, however, cannot say the same. Do you know how it makes your father feel that you would rather go with your mom, who you have spent the ENTIRE DAY with, than spend quality time with him?

My children would walk three miles uphill in a snow storm without a coat, pass by their father 6,000 times (but not before asking where mommy is), to tell me that they have nothing to tell me.

I could curl up in the scariest corner of our basement and they would find me in less than three minutes to tell me that they have to go to the bathroom. I can hear them from my corner in the basement.

“Dad, where’s Mom?”

“Dad, where’s Mommy? Where’s Mommy?!!!!” 

“Mommy???!!!”

Related post: “Me Time” Is Bullshit Once You’re a Mother

About the writer

@veldhouse_jill

Jill Veldhouse lives in Plymouth, MN and is the mother of 3 young children and wife to a mad scientist. She has a Master of Science degree in Occupational Therapy and practiced in this field for 8 years prior to making the life changing decision to leave it all behind and become a full time mom. She recently started a blog, which has saved her on multiple occasions from jumping off her imaginary mommy cliff. You can also find her on Twitter as @veldhouse_jill

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Rachyl Fojtik 7 months ago

This made me laugh so hard! Poor daddy but I still feel more sorry for myself. That moment you pull out of the driveway is beautiful FREEDOM!

Suzanne Crooks 7 months ago

100% accurate!!!

Kirsten Nelson 7 months ago

My mum used to say that to me all the time…lol!! And I say that to my little monsters.

Morgann Levy 7 months ago

Hahaha this was a good one :)

Emma 7 months ago

For a start I’d recommend not being the one who gives the cookie to placate peaceful shopping. Leave the kiddie kart as a reward after a good shopping trip. If you’re the parent who rewards good behaviour instead of trying to prevent it with rewards the in the long term every shopping trip or any other one should be a calmer more tolerable experience. And if mom doesn’t dole out rewards willy nilly then maybe dad will be a more popular option.

Dona Stone 7 months ago

My kids are 16 and 13 and I cannot leave the room (to shower or potty) without a “Where’s Mom?!?! MOOOOOOMMMMM!!” You are talking truth and it seems they never outgrow it. Why can’t I pee/shower/change clothes/pluck hairs/pop zits without having to respond to constant cries for my whereabouts or invasion of my privacy. Sigh!

Laura Hausman Walczak 7 months ago

Just for to make regular appointments like twice a week where you leave by yourself, they will get used to the routine. Gym, grocery store, Starbucks for a coffee. :)

Madam Lee 7 months ago

I’m thankful that my kids ask for their daddy too. :-)
I guess it’s different at every stage.

Colleen Lozinsky 7 months ago

Lol so very true!!!

Nics 7 months ago

Aren’t you parents always telling us that kids pick up what their parents do?? So it’s simple, you’ve mollycoddled them too much! You’ve hovered around them, and ignored those invites from your friends to stay in with them, and now they expect you to never leave them, even just to go shopping! How many do you have anyway? Surely you realised this after the first one and could’ve adapted your parenting style, or refrained from having more. You seem really pissed off with your life… you had the choice and the control over YOUR life. You reap what you sow I’m afraid!

Courtney Lynn Boyack 7 months ago

My almost 5 year old will Mommy me to death with his daddy right in the same room. He can ask his Dad the same stuff and he’ll do whatever he wants no problem, but he chooses to ask me. However, our 7 month old daughter is all about daddy.

Carrie Dobbs 7 months ago

Lmao oh how this describes my life everyday!

Jessica Harper-Bowers 7 months ago

Oh my gosh, I have actually done the same. I have come home after getting shots or blood taken whatever so after that, they ask me when I leave if I’m going to doctor and I sort of don’t say no or yes….just avoid the answer and so they assume that’s the case. But that only worked so many times…..unfortunately.

Melissa Harris 7 months ago

Haha. True story and I wouldn’t have it any other way though.

My boys were excited about the superbowl but as soon as they found out my daughter and I were going to see a movie, oh suddenly the superbowl was a horrible game.

ShelleyandMark Kelly 7 months ago

Oh yes!!!!!!!!!

Donna Tonery-Tippett 7 months ago

Priceless! I remember those days.

Eoanna Markopoulos-Lantinga 7 months ago

Hilarious and so true!

ara 7 months ago

Try being the mother the child will push past or hit out of the way to get to daddy…

Kirsti Edwards 7 months ago

This makes me feel so much less guilty for not finding it adorable that my son does this. I refer to him as my little barnacle!

Ruth Martinez Abrego 7 months ago

Seriously, I hate that shit, is ALWAYS the same and nobody sems to care :( and I have twins!

Debbie Hyde 7 months ago

can totally relate to this one!

vicky 7 months ago

Absolutely this. My fiance gets up for work between 230am ans 430am 5 days a week and rushes home on his push bike to rescue me from insanity and he wants to spend his time with the kids but they want me. Always me. The tears when I leave without them are absurd…..even when my son is having a tantrum over something his dad said it becomes my fault because I am the centre of the universe apparently.

Toni Quick 7 months ago

I don’t know what this says about me but in my house it’s ALL about daddy. Poor daddy doesn’t get a break even if I’m perfectly capable of taking care of him, my DS wants his daddy to do everything for him and be everything for him. So frustrating sometimes.

Jo Murray 7 months ago

So true my 11 year old is still like this :(

Sandrine Nickerson 7 months ago

I say enjoy it….my teenager still likes to hang with me but obviously is not obsessed like my toddler LOL

Lindsay Perez 7 months ago

Depends on the kiddo and if you’re willing to put up with it, lol. My 8 year old doesn’t but my youngest tries too. It’s irritating. One good glare will put her in her place. But DH says my command voice stops grown men, LOL.

Amanda Tarbitt 7 months ago

Hahaha this is gold ♥

Eileen Pinky Lyon 7 months ago

Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! I could have written this piece. I live it daily. My poor hubby.

Melinda Hicks 7 months ago

And when they get okay with you leaving, if you’re late they’ll call you in hysterics like you’re going to suddenly abandon them.

Ellie Humphris 7 months ago

It’s not a matter of me ‘letting’ him go away. He is an adult and loves his fishing trips.
It’s great to see him get away & have fun and as Mónica Garza-Garza said, I appreciate him more when he gets home!
We spend most of the year together, why shouldn’t he be able to get away with his make friends for a week of fishing?

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

I’m a bit sad because while my son does cry for me sometimes when I walk away, he reaches for and wails for grandma the second he sees her. But yet doesn’t say “momma” or “gamma” or anything…he just says “daddy” all the time >.<

Alyxandra Nicole Vogt 7 months ago

My son did that to my mother while she was watching him. She had him playing in bedroom and he climbed out of his pack & play and pulled open the shower curtain. He got in the shower clothes and all and started giggling up at her while the water was hitting him >.<

Rebecca Garcia 7 months ago

Totally my life!

Rebecca Laughlin 7 months ago

What u read or hear about is just moms venting. Don’t stress over it. I get frustrated with how clingy my youngest is, but I love how close we are and I wouldn’t change anything about it. Enjoy the moments of each phase, they won’t last forever. And don’t let fear of the unknown stress u out.

NatalieG 7 months ago

So true! BUT, after talking to my older siblings who are now the parents of teenagers who want nothing to do with them(except rides to and from friends houses/the mall), I am learning to be patient and soak in the feeling of being needed and loved so desperately 24/7. Before we know it, this phase will just be a fleeting memory, one we’ll think of fondly and with a tear in our eye as our teenagers will barely say ‘goodbye mom’ as they slam the door and run towards their friends. Sigh.

Alma Yani Makar 7 months ago

Don’t be scared, momma. A lot of the articles here make motherhood sound like it’s a daunting chore. It’s not. Enjoy your baby :) Congratulations btw!

Mónica Garza-Garza 7 months ago

Ohhh yes!!! I think it’s normal at least for a while. I don’t think they are trying to be selfish or evil is just that usually is mom who gives them the feeling of being safe. Normally we are the ones that take care of them when they are babies, we are the ones that set rules and create their routines. So at least you are talking about a 8 year old or older I think is normal. If the kid it’s older than 7 or 8 maybe even 6 maybe there are issues that have to be look in to, just to make sure that everything is ok and well try to help them grow up. I hate when people talk in a negative way about children. Of course is annoying to be followed all they long by little creatures, of course I want to go to the bathroom by my self and to the store. But is a phase they feel safe around us. My 6 year old is ok now she will stay home or at grandmas with out being crazy, my 3 year old well she is still all about mommy not even daddy

Mónica Garza-Garza 7 months ago

Why not??? Honestly is very healthy. Specially if your husband has his office at home and you see him around A LOT!!!! I really enjoy when he goes away and when he comes back I appreciate him even more

Shannon Rodriguez 7 months ago

I have a mommy hater at the moment myself.

Shannon Rodriguez 7 months ago

Agreed. Mine is in the I kinda hate mommy faze.

Jennifer Osso 7 months ago

Sorry- I have to agree with JoAnne. My 7,4 leave me alone in the bathroom and else were if I tell Em to scoot. Can’t say I don’t get the talking by the door sometimes.. My 15m on the other hand cannot have me out of sight!

Sarah Bird 7 months ago

It’s unfair that we feel claustrophobic now, but sad and miss it when is stops… X

Jennifer Hall 7 months ago

Lauren, don’t be terrified, don’t panic, and don’t believe everything you read on the internet 😉 Every baby and momma pair are different and every pair can work out what works for them. Trust yourself and you’ll be an excellent Mommy. (But do expect to have some headaches also lol)

Samantha T Chouinard 7 months ago

Sounds like my youngest! My oldest i was chop liver when day is home except sock or hurt. My youngest is all about mommy ask the damn time

Brieanne Ryckert 7 months ago

Omg yesssss!

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 7 months ago

All I’ve got on this one is, I wish my kids had a dad who wanted to spend time with them, then and now.

Life With Teens and Other Wild Things 7 months ago

Spoken exactly like someone who 1) has never raised toddlers, and/or 2) has no concept of child development and the phases shorties go through, one of which includes separation anxiety.

Cindy Bryant 7 months ago

Yep. If I go to the bathroom without telling him , ds 7 has been known to freak out. Or if I go next door , leaving him with his grandmother and don’t tell him !

Angela Mills 7 months ago

I shower after bedtime. Some days it’s my only recourse.

Jessijo 7 months ago

Haha! Just teach your child limits! Even if you have limits like “no interrupting my shower, or play quietly and leave me alone while I make dinner,” they will hound you within an inch of your life. I have 3 small kids and it’s nonstop questions, nagging, arguing. I am an introvert and didn’t realize until after I had kids how draining it would be to have to speak and be spoken to nonstop. I never get a day off and have occasionally gone weekends when my husband is home holed up in the basement where they can’t get me just so I don’t go insane.

Caitlin Salesky Clark 7 months ago

Every.single.time.

Laura Edgerton 7 months ago

Love the honesty of this piece. I can totally relate.

Itzel Alvarado 7 months ago

When the cat started doing that under the bathroom door…. I knew right there and then, that is never gonna be over… mine are 10,8, 3 months, a dog and a cat.

Liz Aliaga 7 months ago

Lol same here. Two daughter and a puppy. They shadow me even to the bathroom. Daddy never has to ask wheres mommy, he just looks for the croud.

Meredith Moore 7 months ago

I know this one well. While I do not have the pleasure of spending all day with my little angels, the quality time we do spend together involves several rounds of “where’s mommy”. I have been blessed with 6 years of smiles and kisses from my 6 and 3 year old girls, but I really miss going to the bathroom by myself. I have to admit I go to the bathroom at work sometimes just to be by myself. I don’t even have to go…I just lock the door and revel in the fact that I will not see little tiny fingers under the door or hear ” mommy!!!” the moment I shut the door. We must take pleasure in the little things so we can fortify ourselves for the next round.

Jennifer Quakkelsteyn Schuch 7 months ago

So funny

Missy Hein 7 months ago

So true! My hubby and I each have a motorcycle. He can go on a ride without the kids no problem they wave bye and go back to playing. If I get changed into my long pants to go for a ride meltdowns start as soon as I walk out the door. And hubby can be the one staying home they don’t care cause Mommy is leaving it’s the end of the world. Even as I type this I hear my kids questioning where I am……

Jennifer Crooker Williams 7 months ago

I’ve got 3 kids and a dog, and even the dog gets in on this “mommy is going to be gone forever” thing, and instead of little fingers under the door, it’s little fingers and dog paws under the door to the bathroom… My kids are 5, 8 and 10….does it get better?

Erin Linley Skamiera 7 months ago

All the kids and the husband!

Julie Aktabowski 7 months ago

I’ve resorted telling my children I’m going to the doctor to get shots instead of target, and if they come, they’ll have to get shots too.
Those little sh*ts STILL beg to come.

Sian Graham 7 months ago

Yes! The minute mommy picks up the phone is OBVIOUSLY the perfect time to ask exactly how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly

Meg Reilley 7 months ago

This is probably the only time I will say I am thankful to have a teenager!!

Heidi O 7 months ago

One time I left my son with my husband. DH went to the kitchen to get DS a snack, heard the crying getting quieter (but not in a good way) and when he came back to the living room, DS had gone out the front door and was trying to run down the street after me.

Melissa Silva 7 months ago

My brothet and i were never super dependent on our mother. She worked out since we were babies and we learned to be away from her. Just teach your child limits and he/she wont be so much annoying like some of the children that i read in here. :)

Courtney Reade Mederos 7 months ago

You know you’re the mommy when you actually get the chance to close the bathroom door… And You feel claustrophobic! LoL

Lauren M. Snyder 7 months ago

I’m due in June with my first and the idea of this terrifies me. I don’t want to be the mom that has dependant children that don’t know boundaries… but I’m scared even with my idea that I’ll never have quiet time ever again. the idea of constant harassment puts this introvert into a panic.

Lisa Marshall Alvarez 7 months ago

Yep. This is about right. The funny thing is – I leave and 30 minutes later, I find myself wanting to go back home to see them. What is THAT about? I remember bugging my Mom when she would leave us. We’d ask where she was going and she would always answer “Crazy”. Lol!

Michelle Reis 7 months ago

My kids follow me to the bathroom, I have coined a new term. My son is a “shower hijacker” he finds me in the shower strips down and jumps on in!

Rapid Falls Farm 7 months ago

This my life. I can’t even go to the bathroom without witnesses. They ALWAYS find me.

Amanda Hegedus Kirkland 7 months ago

My daughter loves her dad to pieces… She has no issues separating from me to be with him. She’s good with either of us!

Alyosha Violet 7 months ago

I prefer this to the more absent parent being the fave. I used to think, hang on I do everything for you and you are asking for/more excited about HIM? Seriously?

Julie Starr 7 months ago

this is my life. literally, exactly, Id change nothing.

JoAnne Dietrich 7 months ago

I would not let my husband have a week away.

JoAnne Dietrich 7 months ago

Don’t let your kids control your life. They can be manipulative. I went to the store by myself, worked out at the Y, and had a few nights out. Just do it. Your kids will be fine. It is very unhealthy to spend 24/7 with your kids.

Gina Molnar 7 months ago

If I go to the bathroom, my daughter cries and says, “Mommy’s lost. She’s never coming back!”

Autumn Willow 7 months ago

So true! Or mommy makes a phone call…

grace 7 months ago

I’m glad you remember that fear. You’ll be able to understand better than most why kids flip when mom leaves. That fear that she’ll never come back is real and terrifying.

Ellie Humphris 7 months ago

My husband goes away annually on a week long fishing trip, does Miss 6 care? NO! Even notice that he is gone? NO! Make a big deal out of it? NO! She helps him pack, shop and happily waves him goodbye.
I plan a 2 day get away and her world is falling apart. I mention the city I am travelling to, she cries. I speak to the friend I am travelling with, she goes into her room and cries LOUDLY for 30 mins.
She sees my suitcase and has the biggest meltdown of all time!
WHY????
Why me????
She is 6!
She goes to school!
I work!
All I want is one lousy weekend away!
Guilt trip much!

Trina Louise 7 months ago

lmao oh Hannah yes the dreaded morning after shower hair its a style only moms know

Kimberly Murray Merrick 7 months ago

This is my life. My poor husband is so ignored by our 3 year old. My son threw a full on fit bc I wanted to go to my OB appointment solo.

Mandy 7 months ago

i wish my baby would do that to me.. She seems alright without me around even though I’m the one who took care of her Everyday

Nicole Bellavia McGowan 7 months ago

Yes, but not only “Mommy I want to come!!!” , but mommy has to buckle me, no mommy change my diaper, mommy give me a bath, mommy for Everything! I mean I know I’m the best at it, but can I get a break now and then?…

Hannah Fabiani 7 months ago

You were lucky you had it to begin with lol! I purchased child safety knobs when I was pregnant and nesting, I figured why not get used to them now. Well, I ended up taking all of them down as it was almost impossible to open the doors and it was literally impossible to fully close MY bathroom door. The one I shower in. The safety knob somehow broke the latch on my bathroom door knob and it has never fully latched since he was born and my husband still hasn’t fixed it. I’ve been showering before I go to sleep after he’s in bed for over a year now, my hair is LOVELY in the morning 😉

Nicole Gesme Park 7 months ago

Can’t even close the bathroom door to pee alone without her thinking I’ve disappeared from the face of the earth and barging in, but she’ll state the rule “no opening the potty door!” when daddy goes….

JamesAnd Beverly Goebel 7 months ago

ugh so true!!!

Christine Shovlin 7 months ago

Lol now that’s funny

Cindy Harriman 7 months ago

Glad to know I’m not the only mommy to give over her cell phone so that her 2 yr old can watch YouTube instead of trying to escape the shopping cart while I’m loading groceries.

Katie Conroy 7 months ago

This is my life. Thank you.

Trina Louise 7 months ago

the shower was my last line of privacy! lol

Karen Mitchell 7 months ago

Lol mine are 9, 7 & 5 and I have no privacy :-)

michi t 7 months ago

Oh it’s so simple I never realized;

Free Market: Please be more reliable.
Grandmas: Bake better cookies.
Cars: Please stop needing gas.

Look at that! All I had to do was say a thing and thats the way it was forever everywhere the end

Michelle Liwanag 7 months ago

My 9 month old daughter loves her father very much, but it’s still mommy she looks for if I leave the room or if I come back in the room from being gone for 15 minutes hee face lights up with excitement like I’ve been gone her whole life. It always surprises me since I’m with her all day everyday. I have to admit it makes my heart melt.

Alexis Udycz 7 months ago

Bribery.

Jennifer Floyd 7 months ago

So true!

Julie Carpenter 7 months ago

Pretty much life apart from the wonderful father.x

Amber Blazek 7 months ago

Sounds true.

Debra Carman 7 months ago

I can relate. It’s like how you can’t hide from God….. It’s te same with kids. Lol

Christy 7 months ago

This is my life!!! e.g. Friday evening I had the *audacity* to go out and meet some friends. As I am walking out of the door my kids are freaking out, frantically asking “but, mom, what will we eat for dinner?!?!!” Their Dad is standing right there saying he’s making dinner and it’s like they don’t even hear him. I left to the sounds of wailing and gnashing of teeth….

Amy Tyler 7 months ago

This hits home!!!

Dorothy Owen 7 months ago

This is true even when the whole family is in the house, they haven’t looked at or spoken to Mommy for an hour (because of TV or video games, obviously), and Mommy tries to go anywhere. The second Mommy goes into the bathroom, or picks up her purse . . . theretheyare.

Michelle Ranere 7 months ago

Lol funny. I try to sneak and take a shower they find me. End up showing with both my kids lol

Lisa Prue 7 months ago

I cry and fell so guilty when I see my at the window screaming and crying. .. but I do not go back. I NEED that little bit of time.

Samantha Smith 7 months ago

Lol My 2 year old waves and says byyyeeee when I go to leave. She is not a mama’s girl in the slightest.

Trina Louise 7 months ago

single mom here! not only do i need to bring her with me everywhere except work, but not she wants to shower with me too and if i dont lock the bathroom in she comes! She is 5! HELP!

Rita Childress Heisey 7 months ago

Sounds about right

Stacey 1 year ago

My kid is 9 months old and won’t even let me go to the bathroom without pitching a fit. The whole time I’m in there I’m yelling, “I’ll be right back! Play with Daddy! Daddy loves you!” It’s ridiculous.

Jess 1 year ago

Pull your head out of your a**. Toddlers are codependent because they are not capable of caring for themselves yet. This is a normal stage of childhood.

Kacey Bane Hammer 1 year ago

Dear Succesful Dad, what do you expect on a website called scary mommy. Relax.

Brian Sorrell 1 year ago

“…without having to buy a cookie for you….” I think I just figured out why they want to go to the store so badly.

Successful Dad 1 year ago

Maybe if you didn’t train your kids to be codependent on you this wouldn’t happen. Teach your kids to be self reliant and they won’t be the next generation of entitlement posers. But then you wouldn’t have so much to whine about from behind your iPad keyboard.

kirsten 1 year ago

This is my life. Laughing through the tears.

Mercy Langille 1 year ago

Yes, every time … and daddy, who they beg to stay with them on weekdays, is waiting to play and they want to come shopping with me. I just say no and leave. Shopping is so soothing.

Mrsbonji 1 year ago

I feel your pain sister. It gets better, but not fast enough for our piece of mind!

cdphelps 1 year ago

My kids called me on my cell phone when I was running a race in another state to ask for help with something at the house. When. Daddy. Was. Upstairs. !?!?!?!? It did not occur to them to go upstairs and ask Daddy.

Korey 1 year ago

I didn’t believe this was happening in our house until my husband videotaped my daughter having a full blown meltdown when I left. Luckily, for all of us, she has outgrown this stage.

Amber 1 year ago

This article describes my sister to a tee. My mom had to quit several jobs because my little sister could not adapt. I was “miss independent” from the time I was born (my mom says I would scream being held, even as a baby haha), and my little brother was fine after he could walk. My mom and sister were inseparable until until she hit middle school.

mommy Crystal 1 year ago

My child had one of these fits just last night!! And all I could think was am I horrible for wanting to get out without him? In the end he ended up going because dad does not understand why the little one can’t go…..why is it such a big deal? Just let him go…he wants to go out too haha oh the joys of being mommy :)

Leslie mom of 4 1 year ago

this. i do not understand the total hysteria that erupts when i leave the house and refuse to take them with me. it will forever be a mystery.

Jess 1 year ago

This made me LOL because I can relate as a mother now and I still remember being a child and being filled with irrational fear when my mother would leave that she would never return!