Your weekly horoscope is here, but this is no regular horoscope. It’s a horoscope for moms. Your astrologer, Nefertiti, is a mom too and she gets it, especially this week because it’s Thanksgiving. And we must be thankful. For something. Not sure what yet. SUBSCRIBE: ScaryMommyTV.
ARIES: New beginnings are not always marked by commencement ceremonies or starting pistols. They may be marked by your kid peeing in his kiddy potty for the first time, but then back tracking and peeing on top of the lid. It’s holidays. Just eat.
TAURUS: Your flair for the dramatic is especially noticeable right now, which is very entertaining for folks. Especially during holiday at family dinners when you go for seconds, but Aunt Sally has something to say about that. How about you mind your own plate, Aunt Sally?
GEMINI: Try your best today, even if you know it won’t be perfect. Like when you watch a cooking show, you try to do everything to make the perfect meal. You try, but you know the kids don’t like anything you cook. Kids are like little Gordon Ramseys, except they prefer box mac ‘n cheese to the homemade kind. There’s something wrong with THEM.
CANCER: You and someone close to you need to agree to disagree so you can work together toward a larger goal. Yes to that on Thanksgiving when your family won’t shut up about all their opinions. The larger goal here is to get to dessert.
LEO: Get this through your cute little head, sweet lion: You are in charge of creating the rules of your romance. Rules of romance: Don’t talk to me after 8pm. Don’t make me answer your mom’s questions on why all my plates at the table don’t match or why we only invite her over for holidays. Mmmmm… romance.
VIRGO: The most exciting thing that you will do today is simply sitting and talking with someone you’ve never met before. There is no greater pleasure than talking to someone other than all the family that is crammed into your house right now. Sneak away from the table after dessert and talk to anyone other than family. Put you first.
LIBRA: Instead of getting all the attention, right now, you are much more interested in settling back and watching the people around you do their thing. Yas Queen! Sit back and do nothing. Let everyone else clean up and wash the dishes. You spatchcocked a turkey. You had to google that. By the way, don’t misspell it on google. Weird things come up.
SCORPIO: There’s a lot of powerful stuff swimming around in your subconscious. Like why can’t Thanksgiving dinners be done over facetime? Or what is my crush in highschool up to — hope nothing good. Why don’t they have butt bras? Or why don’t men have bras for their balls. Ball bras?
SAGITTARIUS: Your vision of the future is a bit cloudy right now, but that doesn’t mean you need to panic. The future is a foggy blur and you know what? It’s best to keep it that way. I’m not sure you want to know what’s up ahead. I’ll give you a hint. Aunt Sally is sleeping over tonight and because of her back, she needs the good bed. Sorry.
CAPRICORN: Polish up your resume, update your list of references and assess the job market. And then tear up that resume and go watch TV because the best holiday movies are on and you don’t want to miss that.
AQUARIUS: Sometimes, the best conversations are the ones you have with people who totally disagree with you. Sometimes. Which is a lot less than all the time. Sometimes is even less than half the time. You do the math. Save it for strangers online.
PISCES: With the grace of an Olympian, you can effortlessly find peace between opposing forces and attitudes today. If you find the right place to hide during Thanksgiving dinner, you will find all the peace you need.
That’s it for this week’s Momscopes. Enjoy your Thanksgiving! If you can.
More about Momscopes: Momscopes is a horoscope for moms. Your astrologer, Nefertiti, is mom too and she gets it. She knows exactly what to predict in the lives of moms. You’re not going to read a horoscope on here that says you’re going on a spontaneous weekend getaway trip because that doesn’t happen to moms! This horoscope is the real deal.
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